To expect the other parents to be apologetic

[anxiouslyparenting]

A few weeks ago my dd (yr5) got changed while she was chanting to a friend on FaceTime

Her friend screen shorted this then showed the images to the other children In her class of our dd half naked

We have discussed appropriate behaviour with or dd since then, she was of the kind set that if she changed for pe or swimming in front of class mates this was acceptable

My dd bought it to the attention of the form teacher and it was dealt with.

Since then the parents of the other child have expressed their dismay at the children having access to iPads etc in y5 (it's a digital learning school (And all children in y5 and above have to have an iPad)

The parents involved have not once asked if our daughter is ok or been apologetic.

Aiibu to think if your child does this you apologise
And don't divert the issue to a non issue and avoid it.

This has really tainted my view of other parents

Even if images were just shown on the ipad they could still be on the internet. As an ipad can automatically upload (backup) any images to the cloud seconds after they are taken.

You need someone (an expert) to make sure these have not been uploaded.

anxiouslyparenting. Don’t let some of the posts upset you. She was hardly bloody pole dancing on YouTube. She got changed in front of a friend, that’s it. I dare say even if she’d had her door open or whatever neither of you would have thought anything of it. Neither should you have needed to, she WAS a friend. In the same way as an adult I wouldn’t expect a friend to do that nor would it have crossed my mind that they would. Blaming you or your DD for this is bullshit & victim blaming of the worst kind.

I really wouldn’t worry about the images. She’s 9 & was ‘topless’...and? Sure I think the other kid has been a horrible friend to show all the year group etc, but in many countries 9 year old girls are still going to the beach ‘topless’. It’s normal & natural. The image being online really isn’t the end of the world.

My cousin and I, when we were 10, got body soap/paint stuff given to us and just in our bikini bottoms painted each other and our parents took photos. There’s a great one of us looking really happy with outselves, arms around each other’s shoulders. She uploaded it to FB a while ago with one of her DD’s at much the same age in a similar pose. If anyone wants to think anything more than ‘Ha, how cute’ they can crack on.

Don't you know that people can screenshot? That kids are silly?

I'm quite sure the OP does know this - she certainly does now. Mistakes happen and she has dealt with them.

The question remains that the other parents KNOW that their child has taken and distributed a screen shot of another semi-naked child. This is really serious. TBH from their point of view the apology would be the least of my worries - of course I'd apologise but I would also be seriously worried about my child's boundaries and why they were so loose.

If they were older, the OP's kid could have ended up with nude pics of her circulating - pretty bad. The other kid could have ended up with a criminal record and on the sex offender's registry somewhere - life changing.

I would absolutely detach from this child and this family. they do not have good boundaries/standards/values. I would kind of worry about that child who took the screen shot though - something is very wrong there.

@anxiouslyparenting I am sorry this happened, it is really shit.

The parents should apologuise. Their daughter should have known what she was doing was bullying and is most likely illegal.

If you still feel angry I think I'd want to tell them how upset you are with the way they have handled it. They are probably mortified by it all and are minismising because they are not sure how else to handle it. But this has added to your distress.

If you can genuinely get over this without the apology. Fine but if you need them to know how you feel hen tell them now rather than a few more months down the line.

Just make sure they don't encourage their child to continue being mean to your daughter.

Good luck

My daughters iPad is accessible to me,? I check her activity regularly, read messages and monitor usage.

And now she can only use it with doors open?

You are still missing advice that is given to all parents: All internet connected device should be used in the living areas of the house. Not in bedrooms where you will spot the problem after the event. You need to be able to monitor all the time.
If her bedroom door is open and you're watching TV downstairs, how can you know what she's doing?

You either didn't know what she was doing, ie, getting undressed in front of her iPad being filmed or you monitor her activity....which is it? It can't be both. The fact that you minimise it and say that it is the same as getting undressed in front of her friend is very naive at best and dangerous at worst. If you don't know it, neither does your daughter. She won't know how not to be groomed. She won't know to say no if a boy asked her to take her top off. She won't know that people can film her and distribute it. She won't know that people can take photos of her while she is just "chatting on her iPad" and do whatever with.

My daughter and I have regular talks about the dangers of what people can do. You need to to. Stop saying I am victim blaming , I am not, I am merely pointing out that if you had had these talks with your daughter it wouldn't have happened. It's common sense and basic Internet safety.

My DH is absolutely firm in the no FaceTiming or similar in our house outside of their rooms. They are not to do it anywhere else or where anyone else is present and unaware. I do not wish to be unknowingly recorded or have my home viewed without my knowledge. There is something deeply unsettling about it when you give it a bit of thought.