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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you say anything if people watch you breastfeed?!

53 replies

Prusik · 22/01/2018 18:20

Fil peering over to have a look at me trying to latch ds2. He's my first breastfed baby and I refuse to leave my living room. I said nothing but it's really bothered me. Aibu to be feeling really quite uncomfortable? No idea how to respond. I just ignored

OP posts:
Original poster
Prusik · 22/01/2018 18:21

First bf baby feels relevant as I'm not confident with latching him and he was fussing at the breast. Ds is only six days old

OP posts:
beatriceisbeaut · 22/01/2018 18:22

That would creep me out. I've only done that in front of the midwife! I certainly don't think you should have to leave the room but I'd ask him to
If he was staring like that!!

MrTrebus · 22/01/2018 18:22

Wtf that's weird as fuck! "Oh I know I'll just have a quick nosey and my son's wife's breast" weird! Definitely need to say something if he does it again, or get DH to tell him.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 22/01/2018 18:22

My fil liked to watch, too. Not.in a loving grandfatherly way, either. I limited contact, but I appreciate that isn't always a good option.

Heartoffire · 22/01/2018 18:22

Well if he glanced at you fine. If he’s sidled up to sit beside you and is peering over your boob then not fine.

If it’s latter you have a problem.

MrTrebus · 22/01/2018 18:23

*at not and

Louiselouie0890 · 22/01/2018 18:25

I'd ask your OH to bring it up quietly

dairyfarmerswife · 22/01/2018 18:25

Peering over as in standing over you, or peering across the room?

I agree it's a bit intimidating for him to pay attention to what you are doing but if he's across the room he likely can't see anything, and he's probably thinking about his grandchild, not your boobs.

While I think you are right not to want to leave your own living room, if his presence is distracting you, maybe somewhere quiet would be better while you and DS get it right? In a few weeks you'll be feeding no problem and probably won't notice who is around.

BubbleAndSquark · 22/01/2018 18:25

He may have been trying to make you not feel awkward by just acting like normal around you breastfeeding.
The only person I feel a bit awkward breastfeeding around is my dad as he gets very awkward and will face the other way and seem embarrassed (despite being able to see nothing as I always do one top up one top down) whereas everyone else carries on like normal and ignores it.
If it bothers you maybe say before you go to latch him on 'I'm just going to give him a feed I'll let you know when he's finished' then sit angled away a bit and hopefully that'll avoid any close up looks.

Original poster
Prusik · 22/01/2018 18:27

He walked over to the table, picked something up and clearly leant/peered over while he was walking in front of me to get to ds1. He had to lean over because I had my jumper up and vest down. I didn't have my whole boob out. Blush

DH is going to hit the roof when I tell him after pils leave

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 22/01/2018 18:27

What? Kick him out of the room! Or get your dh to get them out for your privacy! If you feel uncomfortable it can interfere with let down.

Nobody has ever stared at my dc feeding other than midwives and health visitors who were trying to work out why it was painful for me.

Celticlassie · 22/01/2018 18:30

Is he looking at the baby?

Or, as a pp said, trying to demonstrate that he's not awkward around you breastfeeding?

Someone (I can't remember who) was staring at me bf while we were chatting, then apologised and said it hadn't really registered with them what I was doing.

Only you know if it's a 'leery' look or not.

beatriceisbeaut · 22/01/2018 18:30

@Prusik god what a creep!! I'd ask them both to leave the room next time and just say you're struggling to get him to latch.
That's bloody weird!

ClaryFray · 22/01/2018 18:32

That sounds odd! Quite word defiantly.

sycamore54321 · 22/01/2018 18:33

Honestly it's hard to know. You'll see threads in here with people complaining if others leave the room or avoid looking at them while breastfeeding, and lots about how we "need to normalise" feeding. To be honest, although I've breastfed myself, it is a little awkward to know what is the ideal response when an acquaintance or more distant relative starts breastfeeding in my company. I don't want to exclude them from a conversation by not addressing them, but I don't want to draw unwanted attention to them if they'd prefer not to have a spotlight on them at that moment in time.

I think you probably need to communicate clearly. Maybe next time just say, "I'm just going to feed the baby now, you carry on the chat, I'm still listening but won't join in for a few minutes" and then it is a clear signal to them to ignore you for a bit. Of course, if the person really is a bit creepy or lecherous, this doesn't solve anything. But if they are just a bit awkward and unsure, you have pointed them in the way to carry on.

DeadGood · 22/01/2018 18:33

I can see why you refuse to leave your living room. But if I were you I would get a cover or use a muslin, just to remove the possibility for your FIL to do it again.

Original poster
Prusik · 22/01/2018 18:33

I guess it's a long line of fil having no boundaries. It's just the first time it's really upset me. He said it's good I'm breastfeeding as it's more natural than when I had to ff ds1. I kinda get his point but for once, he's really bothered me

OP posts:
Original poster
Prusik · 22/01/2018 18:37

Ironically, DH dragged him to the supermarket with ds1 so I could have some peace from him (fil) and within five minutes of being home he's literally trying to peer over my jumper/my hand. I don't even care what he was looking at but he was about a ft away having walked across the room to me

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Eatalot · 22/01/2018 18:37

There is a differance between pervy looking and curiosity. Be sure which before you start ww3.

Anywho In hospital I just lobbed them out was too tired to care. I tend to go to room upstairs now but I do have moohasive bozongers which cant be hidden in jumper or by babies head.

KimmySchmidt1 · 22/01/2018 18:38

I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my FIL is just the sort of ignorant prat to do this/make a stupid comment etc etc. I won't be seeing him at all for a good few weeks, and will certainly not be breast feeding in front of him! Happy to leave the room to do so - indeed it will be great to have the excuse to get away from him.

FucksBizz · 22/01/2018 18:40

I guess it's a long line of fil having no boundaries.

That's a very big dripfeed, OP.

Thymeout · 22/01/2018 18:40

In your position, I'd just take the baby upstairs to my bedroom till you're more confident in what you're doing. It's not a question of leaving your own sitting room, but being as relaxed as possible. Would you also expect MIL to leave the room, too? Tricky, because if it's only PIL who has to leave you're highlighting the sexual nature of your boobs and making it more awkward.

ZoopDragon · 22/01/2018 18:43

He might just be curious. A nursing baby is a rather beautiful and special sight. He's probably focused on his grandchild rather than the bit of boob he can see.
Personally I'd rather male relatives were comfortable with bf (and he clearly is comfortable if he's coming up to look). My male cousins and friends sometimes watched me bf, I didn't interpret it as sexual at all. It's just a baby feeding. They may not have seen bf close up before. I'd rather they watch than refuse to look in my direction, blush or worst of all leave the room!

Would you have felt the same way if it were your mil or auntie?

You could always ask him not to crowd you or say you feel stressed trying to get baby to latch and please could he not watch as it makes you nervous.

Sisinisawa · 22/01/2018 18:43

People at my church chat to my son while he's feeding. It doesn't bother me. But if it bothers you then yanbu and say something.

bobstersmum · 22/01/2018 18:45

If he's a creep in general then yeah he's out of order but if he's a lovely man and wasnt going oooeer missus while doing it then I think you've over reacted