Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you say anything if people watch you breastfeed?!

53 replies

Prusik · 22/01/2018 18:20

Fil peering over to have a look at me trying to latch ds2. He's my first breastfed baby and I refuse to leave my living room. I said nothing but it's really bothered me. Aibu to be feeling really quite uncomfortable? No idea how to respond. I just ignored

OP posts:
Heartoffire · 22/01/2018 18:46

Yes there’s a drip feed here op so if it’s par for the course I would discourage visits for s while.

bobstersmum · 22/01/2018 18:46

Just read your update, I think you've totally overreacted, he was looking at his grandchild.

Lovesagin · 22/01/2018 18:51

I don't know which is worse tbh op, my pil were trying so hard to not look that THAT was uncomfortable. I just whapped my entire tit out after id had enough of the awkwardness to show them i really wasn't arsed, it's only a boob. All was fine after that!

I guess it depends on what you meant by the boundaries comment - making comments about bf being more natural to someone who has ff without knowing if they feel guilt = just a stupid eye rolley inflammatory comment best ignored. Feeling you up at the dinner table = yea there's a problem there.

Original poster
Prusik · 22/01/2018 19:05

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit oversensitive. I guess considering Ds is only a few days off it's no surprise. I'm feeling kinda weird about bf anyway since Ds1 was sickly and tube fed by day 3.

Sorry for the drip feed. It was unintentional. I guess I wasn't thinking about fil being hard work, more him watching me latch Ds. Or unsuccessfully try to latch him Blush

Don't think it was sexual but it felt intrusive. It's the leaning over I didn't like

OP posts:
MollyHuaCha · 22/01/2018 19:09

As a pp said, I think it's possible FIL was trying to give the message that he was ok with you feeding in front of him - possibly when he actually feels quite awkward!

Heartoffire · 22/01/2018 19:13

I think anyone leaning over you watching you perform a new skill would be bloody annoying anyway let alone breast feeding.

The natural breastfeeding comment was probably designed to make you feel comfy but yes it’s daft. People are though.

I remember feeding ds1 in a very posh cafe and 2 lovely ladies who kept smiling and nodding at me and saying how lovely and well done was equally as off putting as another woman who purses up her lips and moved tables. Wink

See how it goes op. If he continues have s word with him yourself or her dh to tell him to back away.

He may just be embaressed and trying to support youor he could be a creep. Time will tell

ProfessorPickles · 22/01/2018 19:17

I've done it before where I've been looking at someone's baby for a while then realised that they were breastfeeding Blush
They probably thought I was weird but I just didn't realise, it looked more like the baby was cuddled up to them and I was busy reminiscing about when DS was small

TheRebel · 22/01/2018 19:28

My PIL did this too, they would just stare and stare but once I got used to breastfeeding I stopped caring, my dh thought it was weird too but we decided it was jus because they’d never seen anyone breastfeed before and they just like looking at their granddaughter, it wasn’t anything pervy.

AreWeDoingThisNow · 22/01/2018 19:30

My FIL (actually DH's step-dad) has literally no sense of personal space. He's one of those people who rest their hand on your shoulder while standing behind you if you're sitting.

It would be creepy if he were even slightly creepy, if you see what I mean, but he's not, so it's just a bit intrusive.

Anyway, he once started stroking DD's head, gazing into her eyes, while I was breastfeeding her. I think I managed to splutter 'you're a little close there FIL'. I'm 100% sure he had no idea how inappropriate he was being until I said.

I find the best way to deal with him is to say something whenever he's too close for comfort, it's the only way he realises.

'This isn't a spectator sport' would probably do in the situation in the OP.

Crumbs1 · 22/01/2018 19:37

I genuinely think some gaps aren’t being Percy but are fascinated by breastfeeding. My husband was and with first one tried to ‘help’ in rather irritating way. If it makes you uncomfortable then domsay something. It doesn’t have to be hostile or angry just “ You’re staring FIL and it’s making me tense up and makes feeding more difficult”

Elledouble · 22/01/2018 19:41

My cousin did similar, although he is autistic and in his way I think he was just trying to show he was alright with it. A gentle “do you mind?” reminded him. If that doesn’t work, it’s probably time for something stronger.

APMom · 22/01/2018 19:53

I agree with zoopdragon, a baby being fed is beautiful. My dad and my Mum used to watch my babies feeding, nothing creepy at all, he just thought it was wonderful- my youngest sister was the only one breastfed and we all used to sit and watch her feed. In-laws couldn’t cope with me feeding at all.

Lizzie48 · 22/01/2018 20:00

I don't get why people complain about drip feeds so much. So what? I've created threads and it's hard to include every single detail, you don't want the initial post to get too long after all.

Then you think of something else that's relevant and therefore add it, only to have complaints about drip feeding.

Original poster
Prusik · 22/01/2018 20:16

You guys have reassured me. I now have some phrases I can use if he does it again.

I won't repeat the words that DH used to describe him. Evidently he's been annoying everyone this evening!!

OP posts:
Heregoeseverything · 22/01/2018 20:20

I'm sorry, I don't care whether he's "curious" or "interested in his grandchild" or not... that would make me feel so uncomfortable! What a nightmare!

user1493413286 · 22/01/2018 20:23

My father in law used to knock whenever he came into the room including at his own house even though I covered up at their house due to wish not to see me breastfeeding.
My baby fed so much that I never covered up at my own home but I never noticed anyone looking and I think most people tried to focus on my face.

Placeboooooooo · 22/01/2018 20:26

My BIL lives across the yard from us and I vividly remember sitting on the sofa in the living room, exhausted, frustrated and emotional, trying to get DD (who was about 3 months) to latch on.

It was broad day light and BIL walked past the window, peered in (granted he wouldn’t have known I had my tit out before he looked) saw my boob out and smirked, almost stopped to take a better look.

BIL is a twat. He thinks he owns us all, has a criminal record for beating DP up and scared DSD (who was only 4/5 at the time) so much that she went herself, we reported him to the police for this too and he received a caution, anyway my point being that BIL had form for stuff like that, no interest whatsoever in his new baby niece so was definitely having a perv.

If your FIL wasn’t in fact having perv and this is in anyway out of character then I would let it go before you start WW3. If he does anything similar again then obviously his intentions more sinister.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 22/01/2018 20:27

Some people just make you feel uncomfortable, with me it's MIL. I can feed happily in front of anyone except her, she peers and oohs and tries to touch DS and keeps saying, "ooh that's nice Mummy!" Hmm Makes me skin crawl and I always use a feeding cover if she's around.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 22/01/2018 20:28

*my skin

Pennywhistle · 22/01/2018 20:34

If you are uncomfortable don’t sit there in silence.

You don’t have to start world war three just say “can I have a bit of space” or send him out of the room to get you a glass of water.

Your DH needs to keep his Dad in line though.

KimmySchmidt1 · 22/01/2018 20:38

The point is he should be taking his cues from you and what makes you feel comfortable 6 days in, Not doing what he wants and expecting you to accommodate him or get over it. Don’t listen to the people on here telling you that six days after giving birth you are not entitled to set your own boundaries around your naked tits and any man (or indeed woman).

Ansumpasty · 22/01/2018 20:39

I'd let it go. I agree with others that maybe he was just demonstrating that he didn't feel uncomfortable or maybe even wasn't thinking and was just curious.
My DH is from a country where breastfeeding is the complete norm and bottle beeding is somewhat rare. His family all would come up and look at DD up close when I was feeding her. They were definitely not being pervy. I also find it hard to not look when someone is breastfeeding; there's just something so lovely about it that I can't help it. It's not because I'm a lesbian Wink
That being said, only you know if he is actually a creep. If he is, would use a muslin or cover when he's around.

CommonGrounds · 22/01/2018 20:41

I had my wisdom teeth removed with the professor of dentistry and 6 students watching as I breastfed my baby at the same time.

MissingDietCoke · 22/01/2018 20:44

I have two FILs and a Dad. I bf both my two and all three guys dealt with it differently. My dad kept eye contact at all times and never ever acknowledged that I was feeding while I was feeding iykwim but was vocally very supportive outside of the event. Which was great. One FIL jumped up and left the room as soon as I started fiddling with my top every time. Which was considerate I suppose but always made me feel a bit awkward. Other FIL (MILs long term partner) always had a good nosy which made me feel even more awkward. I just used to turn my back to him after a bit. I wish I'd have said something but I wasn't quite brave enough. The turning away worked fairly effectively though, I don't think many people would have the balls to actually come over to have a good look.
I appreciate it's probably a bit difficult for both DFs and FILs, not that it should be of course.

rainbownights · 22/01/2018 21:08

My FIL tried to watch, DH sent him and MIL away. MIL announced that SIL always let her watch as if that made a difference to them staring at my nipples.

Then, when I started pumping, FIL wanted to now all about it and handled my pump (rented hospital one, I used to pump while watching the TV so had it tucked in the corner of the sitting room) and kept asking me about how it worked.

Creepy.