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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep breastfeeding regardless of what DP says

88 replies

HeartStrings · 22/01/2018 14:21

DD is 8 weeks and is EBF. She has a good latch despite a minor tongue tie which doesn't need snipping as she can roll her tongue out fine.
She suffers slightly with reflux and is on gaviscon and ranitidine. She has a bottle of expressed breast milk at bed time and throughout the day she goes on the boob.

Sometimes however she gets a little frustrated and is on and off the breast and crying/whimpering and my DP is getting angry with me saying that she's still hungry but isn't getting enough milk from me. He obviously sees that she drinks her bottle well at night and thinks she should be on bottles.
Also in regard to her reflux, DP thinks it will be settled if we were to put her on lactose free formula. I did suspect she may have a cows milk allergy and I tried cutting dairy out of my diet to see if it made a difference which it didn't and my gut instinct is that she doesn't have a cows milk allergy and the reflux is nothing to do with consuming dairy, plus she shows no signs of having cows milk allergy as our DS did only he was formula fed.

I'm babbling on a bit now but basically I've been called selfish for wanting to continue breastfeeding, please note that she's been weighed and she's growing perfectly along her centile line so she's obviously getting the nutrition she needs. DP has threatened to leave as he can't put up with seeing DD 'suffer'.

I personally feel strongly that she isn't suffering too much from reflux, but he's exaggerating. I'm with DD every day and she's with me every second and comes everywhere with me. I know my baby. I've also tried to tell him the benefits breast milk bas on our baby and how it can change too when baby is sick, which despite me googling it and showing him for proof is apparently 'bullshit'

I guess I'm just looking for some support, sorry if this is long, didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:

FairyMcHairy · 22/01/2018 14:27

DP has threatened to leave as he can't put up with seeing DD 'suffer'.

He what???

PsychoPumpkin · 22/01/2018 14:27

Absolutely keep feeding her yourself, it sounds to me like he’s a little... jealous. Either of the attention you’re giving your newborn, or that he doesn’t feel as ‘involved’ in the feeding process as he was with your son.

Quartz2208 · 22/01/2018 14:29

He threatened to leave - seriously is there a backstory as that is very OTT

Does he have other issues with breastfeeding or struggling to cope with 2 children

FairyMcHairy · 22/01/2018 14:29

His lack of support is astounding. Do you have a local breastfeeding group near you? If so, I recommend that you both go to it. If he can't, or refuses, then go on your own. Get the reassurance that you are doing a great job (and you are - your baby is gaining weight perfectly and any fussiness is because, well, that's what 8 week old babies do!) and go back and tell him exactly what the people at the group said and hope that it shuts him up so he can start being more supportive.

EggsonHeads · 22/01/2018 14:30

It's a shame that you have already had kids with him..,

PinkHeart5914 · 22/01/2018 14:30

Breast milk is the best ideally and it sounds like baby is getting enough milk and you say she’s growing well gaining weight etc which is good. So you carry on all the time you feel able too!

Next time he says he will leave as dd is suffering, I suggest you offer to open the door for him.....

Heartoffire · 22/01/2018 14:31

This is not about breastfeeding lovely he’s looking for an excuse to go or he has other issues.

How is he with your ds and you normally?

Original poster

HeartStrings · 22/01/2018 14:31

This is why she has a bottle before bed. She's our third but the only one I BF so never had this kind of 'problem' before.

It just seems like he thinks he knows everything but my option doesn't matter. My 'motherly instinct' just doesn't matter really

OP posts:

MrsDilber · 22/01/2018 14:31

What stood out of this post was that he'd threatened to leave you over it. What the heck.

Regarding the bf issue, you do what you feel is right for you and your DAD.

Chaosofcalm · 22/01/2018 14:33

As someone who gave up breast feeding and who DD has CMPA (not diagnosed until 11 months) and has reflux I say keep feeding you think that is best.

Breast feed babies don’t just feed for food. They feed for comfort and to increase your milk supply for when they need it most. If she is putting on weight and has plenty of wet and dirty nappies then your breast milk is all she needs.

How long has she been on Rantitadine? The amount has to be regularly recalculated as she gets heavier. If she think she is still suffering discomfort and committing lots there is another medication with can be prescribed by a children’s doctor.

Have you spoke to your HV? You can ask her to speak to both you and partner.

ohfourfoxache · 22/01/2018 14:33

If he doesn’t leave then I’d send him packing. He’s a selfish, unsupportive wanker.

As a matter of principle I’d have a meeting with him and your GP or HV, just to prove a point.

Sassypants82 · 22/01/2018 14:34

You had a baby 8 weeks ago & he's threatening to leave? That's really, really poor form.

Sounds like your daughter is perfectly normal. Both my babies fuss(ed) at the boob, I understand that it doesn't mean they're not getting enough.

It's a really stressful time for you both, sounds like he may be using this situation as an outle. A frank, calm conversation is needed. Ask him for his support, empathise with his position, but reassure him that your daughter is doing fine. He may just need to be listened to & understood.

Ultimately though, OP, you don't need to be threatened. If he Carry's on, call his bluff & show him the door.

Best of luck.

Original poster

HeartStrings · 22/01/2018 14:34

He's a very OTT person. I am going to start going to breastfeeding support groups.

He's making me feel crappy like I'm a rubbish mum

OP posts:

WhiteWalkersWife · 22/01/2018 14:36

He sounds lovely op . Threatening to leave is manipulative. Id call your health visitor for advise. Its a red flag tbh. My dh was worried because i had issues bf with ds as he had severe tongue tie. I was obsessed with bf but never once did dh try to be so manipulative and controlling.

Sounds like your dd could be cluster feeding which is normal. Lactose free milk isnt a cure all for reflux, for colic we used colief which removes lactose and its for bf babies too. Id advise trying that but this sounds more a dh issue then that...

Nquartz · 22/01/2018 14:36

I'm astounded by this, he is being unbelievably selfish!
If he feels left out/jealous then give him bath time every night or sole nappy changes when he's home so he can bond that way.

BubbleAndSquark · 22/01/2018 14:37

My 3rd DC is 12 weeks and fusses quite often at the boob (something which neither of my others did).
Usually its because he either needs to burp or fart/poo, took me a while to work it out but it's like he's grumpy that he's still hungry, but is uncomfortable so won't feed yet. He's awful to burp and sometimes takes half hour or so of fussing before he poos but then after he's usually completely fine.
The other times he fusses its usually where he's not feeling comfortable how I'm holding him I'm assuming, as if I lie down to feed him he will usually then settle better. Definitely don't stop breastfeeding unless you want to, its the best thing for your baby by far.

WhiteWalkersWife · 22/01/2018 14:39

Or a growth spurt perhaps...

You arent a crappy mum, you are looking after one tiny person and two a little bigger. With nothing but crap and critism and threats from him from the sounds of it. Thats amazing.

If anything he is being a rubbish father and husband.

Charmander123 · 22/01/2018 14:39

What a load of bollocks. He'll have to deal with the child being sick, hurt etc. In the future! He needs to grow a thick skin The EXACT same thing happened with my baby (pushes away lots, cried fussed) for over 4 weeks. And there was no concluded reason bar colic. But she was getting enough as her weigh ins said so! She just screamed alot. Just wait tIl teething. Do what you think feels right, not because he's threatening to leave x

Original poster

HeartStrings · 22/01/2018 14:39

I've tried explaining to him but he won't listen and apparently I'm just naive.

My mum is a former midwife and she's very supportive. I've done a lot of researching breastfeeding too whereas he hasn't. He's in a bad mood especially today, don't know why but it's not fair to take it out on me.

As for the ranitidine she's only been given it last week and the dose was calculated according to her weight. She seems to be putting on an ounce a day it seems like and she doesn't just have loads of wet nappies. She has huge, bulky, soaking nappies. Have to change her quite a lot lol

OP posts:

Bearfrills · 22/01/2018 14:41

On and off and fussing is normal, I call it the "I want milk but how dare you give me milk" stage. DD still does it now and is almost 1yo, starts a feed, drifts off and unlatches then immediately whinges because the milk has stopped. Cluster feeding is entirely normal too, especially around periods of rapid growth in the first six months. She's draining the evening bottle because it's easy to get milk from the bottle and babies are, by nature, lazy little darlings. When I go out and DD has a bottle from DH she drains it, it doesn't mean she's not getting enough from me.

He's been a nob.

LaDilettante · 22/01/2018 14:42

As another poster said it would be worth seeing your GP or health visitor with your partner. It’s possible that what he said was overdramatic because he’s anxious about your baby’s wellbeing. Not the best way to put his argument across but he seems to see your baby’s wellbeing differently as he’s not with her 24/7. So having a professional opinion and being able to ask questions himself if he wishes to might calm him down a bit.

Original poster

HeartStrings · 22/01/2018 14:42

I just wish he's listen and trust me as a mother. I'm quite confident that I know what I'm doing and I feel I'm getting on really well BFing

OP posts:

Fruu · 22/01/2018 14:44

It's possible the bottle might be causing the fussing when she's breastfeeding if she gets milk more quickly from the bottle than from you. I tried to introduce expressed bottles of milk with my DS and it made him fussy when breastfeeding then his latch started getting worse, so I decided to stop using the bottles.

It could also just be cluster feeding, which is perfectly normal.

If she's gassy and / or having greenish poos, it could be that she's getting too much foremilk and it's giving her stomach ache and causing reflux - I had this issue when I fed my second baby from both sides during one feeding, and she was much happier and less refluxy when I just left her on one breast for longer rather than swapping over. :)

Dishwashersaurous · 22/01/2018 14:44

He is dreadfully unsupportive. However, you say previous children were bottle fed. Often there is a difference between the way breast fed babies feed. They often do take longer to do each feed, rather than down a bottle. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a baby doing this. Please, please keep feeding you are doing an amazing job

Pastaagain78 · 22/01/2018 14:46

He can fuck right off. You are doing everything right for your baby. What a dick.

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