To keep breastfeeding regardless of what DP says

[HeartStrings]

DD is 8 weeks and is EBF. She has a good latch despite a minor tongue tie which doesn't need snipping as she can roll her tongue out fine.
She suffers slightly with reflux and is on gaviscon and ranitidine. She has a bottle of expressed breast milk at bed time and throughout the day she goes on the boob.

Sometimes however she gets a little frustrated and is on and off the breast and crying/whimpering and my DP is getting angry with me saying that she's still hungry but isn't getting enough milk from me. He obviously sees that she drinks her bottle well at night and thinks she should be on bottles.
Also in regard to her reflux, DP thinks it will be settled if we were to put her on lactose free formula. I did suspect she may have a cows milk allergy and I tried cutting dairy out of my diet to see if it made a difference which it didn't and my gut instinct is that she doesn't have a cows milk allergy and the reflux is nothing to do with consuming dairy, plus she shows no signs of having cows milk allergy as our DS did only he was formula fed.

I'm babbling on a bit now but basically I've been called selfish for wanting to continue breastfeeding, please note that she's been weighed and she's growing perfectly along her centile line so she's obviously getting the nutrition she needs. DP has threatened to leave as he can't put up with seeing DD 'suffer'.

I personally feel strongly that she isn't suffering too much from reflux, but he's exaggerating. I'm with DD every day and she's with me every second and comes everywhere with me. I know my baby. I've also tried to tell him the benefits breast milk bas on our baby and how it can change too when baby is sick, which despite me googling it and showing him for proof is apparently 'bullshit'

I guess I'm just looking for some support, sorry if this is long, didn't want to drip feed.

How long did you cut dairy out for? Apparently it can take up to 6 weeks for symptoms to go, for us it took a month for symptoms to disappear. It's also relatively common for soy allergies to go hand in hand with dairy allergies so we cut out both and then reintroduced soy after allergy testing

YANBU and your partner sounds unpleasantly controlling.

Does OTT person mean argumentative drama queen?

Why on earth would he leave if he genuinely thought DD was suffering? It's not going to make it better, is it? If I thought my baby was suffering as a result of my partner's behaviour, the last thing I'd do would be to leave!

Which means it is all about him. I would tell him to bog the fuck off.

The on and off is often cluster feeding and part of her increasing your supply. Tell him to do some reading up on bf so he can understand how to support you best.

You will get periods of cluster feeding that last a few days as she increases supply and your body responds.

Fuck that!

Stick with it OP, I only lasted 4 days Breast feeding as my DS just didn't seem to want to and caused me so much pain an bleeding, but I don't think any poster on here would side and agree with your "D"P on this

He sounds awful! And not what you need when you have a newborn

Your baby sounds like my ds1 and 8 weeks was the worst time. In hindsight - I should have been pace bottle feeding - your baby may be frustrated on breast because bottle much easier, Google it and show 'd'h, it's a slower method. I ended up pumping 6 feeds a day to give bottle but in hindsight I should have battled through the fussiness-top off, skin to skin and deep breath! I did get all those feeds back but it was hard. I needed to be more confident-yes I had enough milk but I just needed to relax and persevere, baby will not starve. For my ds gaviscon increased his colickiness-took him off it and coincidence maybe, he didn't scream in pain again.this tied in with treatment by a craniosacral practitioner-wish I had a video - and her advice 're gaviscon. As a PP Saud, most 8 week olds are windy/gassy/fussy, you will get there. It is your choice and yours slob to continue. Sounds like your oh needs some educating.

Yes re the fussing and cluster feeding!! I have 5 kids and breastfed then all snd whet you describe is utterly normal.

Tell him "See ya. Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out".

Yes I'd take him up on his offer to leave...

Re the reflux - my girl suffered from this because of a "mild" tongue tie. Apparently it didn't need treating because she gained weight fine but in reality her tongue movement was restricted, she could stick it out but not lift it to roof of mouth which is essential for correct breastfeeding sucking action. This caused her to suck in loads of air which then caused acid reflux.
We eventually had the tie treated privately at 13 weeks and reflux was gone within 4 days. No more screamy angry baby.

Also be aware that formula is harder to digest so may make a reflux baby worse.

Sorry but your "d"h is no such thing. He's being a total arsehole.

He (and you I hope) realise that if he left that the courts aren't going to give him equal custody of an EBF newborn, so it's a fucking stupid threat anyway as you'd just have sole care to do whatever you like.

Personally, I'd be taking him up on the offer.

What a silly drama llama of a man. If he is serious about leaving, then what a total overreaction. If he is just playing up, then how dare he threaten it when he doesn’t mean it? Not good behaviour.
I'm not going to waste any time saying more about him as I’m not sure it's helpful to you, but I'm going to give you a huge squishy unmumsnetty hug and reassure you that it is very clear from your post that you are NOT a rubbish mum- quite the opposite.
Please do keep BFing. Your baby is at a prime age for cluster feeding, and it does seem like they're never off the breast. It also sometimes seems like they're labouring away in vain. I can assure you, if the child is gaining weight roughly on the curve, then nothing they are doing is in vain! Cluster feeding is your baby's way of putting in its order today, for tomorrow's milk, because as your baby grows, so does its milk requirement and your boobs need to get the message to make more milk. They are dreadfully clever girls if you let them respond as nature intended!
I highly doubt that switching a human baby from human milk to cow's milk would be the panacea for reflux problems- if anything, you're opening yourself up to all sorts of potential complications re CMPA etc.
Lots of babies can appear refluxy at that age, and actually nothing is wrong per se. Obviously if you continue to be worried you should see your GP or HV. In the meantime, please get yourself along to some good BF support groups, where you can get some proper love and reassurance that you are doing the right thing!

On and off and fussing is normal, I call it the "I want milk but how dare you give me milk" stage.

Exactly. Completely normal, and completely fucking annoying

Good grief, he is being ridiculous. The majority of very young babies have reflux to some degree because their digestive systems are immature and crammed into a little space and all scrunched up. Your little one is gaining weight nicely, sounds to be feeding well with a bit of a normal unsettled period at one point during the day when there is more fretting, dithering about on the breast and cluster feeding. I absolutely can’t see what your DH is getting so upset about. If he was truly worried about his child’s welfare then leaving would be the most detrimental thing to do surely! Being reasonable I’d say he needs an appointment with your HV, GP etc so he can see that both you and DD are both doing just fine. His behaviour sadly sounds the opposite of reasonable and rational and very stressful and upsetting.

My dd has reflux. She was combi fed from 3 months and it didn't matter whether it was formula or breast she still vomited. Ranitidine was a God send. Don't listen to your husband (who is acting like a knob) you know what is best, your baby is gaining weight and is happy and that's all that matters.

Babies with a mild TT can often end up with reflux symptoms may not be that but is worth a consideration.
Also bottles can contribute towards boob fussiness give laced feeding a go when using bottles but I suspect dad has no interest in supporting breast feeding amd it’s him that does the bottles so your out of luck on that one.

Anyways the point in hand he thinks your making your baby suffer so his answer to this is to leave so he doesn’t have to see it. That makes no sense he either thinks she’s suffering and you are the cause or he’s a lying cunt whose manipulating you by being a drama queen.

Firstly, he is being a twat, of course. Especially, with threatening to leave you over how you choose to feed .

Though, on a practical note, I’m also wondering how long you cut out dairy for? It’s one thing sticking with bfing, which I absolutely think you should do, as it’s working for you! I don’t think I’d trust my “gut instinct”, over whether or not she has a dairy intolerance though. I would also second cutting out soy as well as dairy, if you haven’t already.

How horrible he Sounds! You need his support not threats to leave

However I would advise you go to a proper lactation consultant or other tongue tie expert. You post is screaming tongue tie thst does need snipping to me. It can mimic reflux in the way the baby seems uncomfortable but it isn't reflux it's the air they take in with the milk. I know they say then latch is good but I had this with ds. Told he didn't have tongue at all, when in fact t was moderate. Had it snipped and he was a different baby. Fed and slept like a dream afterwards.

yy to checking out the tt. Could really be causing a latch which enables air to get in.

Just caught up on your messages. Thank you so much for all the advice and support, it's certainly made me feel better and made me see that it is DP that's the problem and not myself or DD. Can I ask what pace bottle feeding is?

I gave my postnatal check up tomorrow (my Doctors do it at 8 weeks along with baby's 8 week jabs) so I'll be bringing this all up.

Also I think I may have suspected a problem. I've noticed today that she's especially fussy on one side more than the other. When I first started BFing the nipple got very sore on this side and infected and I had to rely on a shield for that side. It's now completely pain free yay however I was feeding more on the other side as a result of this. I now feel that the side which wasn't sore holds more milk and the other side (the fussy side) isn't producing ad much. Do you think this could be a reason why too?

I'll defo bring up the tongue tie tomorrow with doctor because I do hear her swallowing a lot of air. But again I'm naive if I tell DP she's full of air and needs to bring her wind up 🙄

Hi, re your last post that's entirely normal. I've always found it much easier on one side (left, am right handed) easier to be on your phone . Concentrate on the latch on the difficult side. Readjust if needed. It will get better but always the caggy side!

Re the other stick to your guns! I'm sure he will see he's a knob when he's no so tired.
My Dh was bloody glad to leave the feeding to me especially in the night 🙄

One sided preference is normal, but it may be one is slightly fuller so it's not so 'easy' and babies like to use as little effort as possible! Try and start with that one each time, but it may be her preference may not change.

Also, fussing is very normal too, however well they're feeding.

Oh, and BTW your husband is a twat. Next time he threatens to leave, hold the door open for him.

I would hazard a guess that your DP is more angry that you won't follow his 'advice' than he is about you breastfeeding.

Is he generally quite controlling?

Keep going. Yes bottle might be easier for them but also - she is growing and changing. We have a DD2 with a little tounge tie. The fussiness could be any number of things as well. They want to change position, they don't like something, they are a bit lazy. There was a period where the only way she would feed - was on her back with me on my elbows over her. She went on feeding "strike" for almost 3 days once for no reason and again because I had too many oat cookies with brewers yeast in them (I'm pretty sure. But they were just so yummy!)

If she is growing you might need to adjust how you hold her as well, as she's not the same size and the habit of holding them a certain way may not work anymore. Lots of different things to consider.
I know it's hard because you're also stressed and want what's best for them but also you want to find the solution to the bf issue not the solution to bf.

FFS. You think you’ve heard all the mansplaining you could ever hear, then you read about a man telling a woman than the baby that came out of her, shouldn’t be fed by her breasts!