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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if my marriage ever ends it will be because of SNORING!

129 replies

Bedsox · 21/01/2018 23:58

Aaarrgghhh I cant stand that fucking noise that comes out of my other wise lovely DH! I honestly dont remeber the last time we spent the night in bed together but we live in a small 2 bed house and his snoring radiates through the house waking me and my 18 month old dd!

Ive always hated the sound of snoring it fills me with rage i remeber just wanting to punch my DF in the face every time he fell asleep on the sofa!

DH knows his snoring is bad and rather selfishly fell asleep at 8pm banishing me to the bedroom with no telly so i tried watching documentries on you tube while knitting and that sound is soooooo disruptive. I dont want to sound dramatic but his constant snoring is ruining our lives i feel so tired and tearful! I cant use ear plugs as come the morning i become a very heavy sleeper probably because of exhaustion and im scared i wont hear my dd or alarm.

What can i do? I am on the verge of asking him to make other living arrangements which i dont want to do i love my DH so much but i can feel myself becoming resentful.

Thanks for reading any advice or coping tips welcome!

OP posts:

Loubilou09 · 22/01/2018 13:51

Another sufferer here. We have ended up having seperate bedrooms as not only does he snore but our body temperatures are completely different and he wants the window open all night and I want extra blankets on the bed. We also have completely different matress preferences - his being a fairly hard mattress whereas I want soft. All things considered we have our own rooms. I think it's quite sad really but it is what it is and at the end of the day, getting a good nights sleep makes us both much happier in the day.

He has only just recently gone to the doctor after years and years of me asking him. The doctor apparently there wasn't much he could do apart from operating so that was that, case closed!!

thenightsky · 22/01/2018 13:54

I've dumped an ex due to snoring plus his arrogant dismissiveness of me when I moaned about lack of sleep. He did go to the GP eventually and requested a referral to a sleep disorder clinic. They said nothing wrong with his ENT system structurally, just needed to lose 6 stone. Well that went down like a bucket of sick... he got angry , swore at the doctor and got thrown out! From then on it was all my own fault for not addressing my light sleeping issue . Dumped his arse.

FoldingStars7 · 22/01/2018 13:57

I have slept on the sofa for 6 months due to DP snoring.
He refuses to go to the doctors, is overweight, drinks and smokes.
I am now at the point where I am considering moving out (we have no spare room) . I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do.

Plumes · 22/01/2018 13:59

FoldingStars, leave. Or get him to leave. Maybe that will shock him into doing something. If it doesn't, you're well rid.

Plumes · 22/01/2018 14:00

he got angry , swore at the doctor and got thrown out!

What an arse. Glad he's just a snorey memory for you!

confusedhelpme · 22/01/2018 14:03

I'm ready to walk out on my DP too ... for the exact same reason.

When I bring it up .... he laughs.

I love him, but the depriving me of sleep is torture.

Busybusybust · 22/01/2018 14:05

s4sdental.com/snoring-and-sleep-apnoea

This works and is much less intrusive than a CPAP.

HeatedCatFurniture · 22/01/2018 15:04

Another vote for a mandibular advancement device. Cheap and a real game changer.

MrsLupo · 22/01/2018 15:39

This worked for us.
But yes, probably a good idea to rule out serious stuff with the GP first.

Original poster

Bedsox · 22/01/2018 19:27

So many brilliant suggestions thank you all i feel a little more educated and been able to have a serious but kind conversation without getting upset DH said he now realises the impact its having and is willing to try anything if it will help.. we wont find a solution in 5 mins but maybe il feel less stabby if i know he is trying to do something about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bedsox · 22/01/2018 22:59

Do the cheaper ones work as well? Thinking of getting dh one of those while he is waiting for refferal and if they diagnose him and turns out he needs that we can get a more expensive one

OP posts:

Myanna · 22/01/2018 23:05

Someone's probably suggested this, but my husband used to snore and it massively decreased when he had his tonsils out and septum straightened. You could look into that.

confusedhelpme · 22/01/2018 23:08

I love your husband for taking this onboard

Teabagtits · 22/01/2018 23:12

Oh my god I get the murderous rage every night! My oh has some physical deviation that causes his snoring. He was assessed and was given a custom made mouth guard to try to alleviate the effect of the deviation (snoring gives him a helluva sore throat and he curiously develops bruises on his upper arms in the night) but he refuses to wear it as it freaked him out. So I have to lie awake listening to his impressions of a Petrol lawnmower chewing up baby rabbits on a lovely summers day (grrrrunt putputput grrrrunt squeeeeeeeek putputput- ad infinitum) It gives me the full on rage not just because he snores (I know he can’t help /that/) but because he refuses to even try to fix it.

The only thing worse than his snoring is my mother who raises demons from the pits of hell and can be heard through stone walls and rooms away. She’s an extremely overweight smoker. She too refuses to do anything about it.

willstarttomorrow · 22/01/2018 23:25

Not read the whole thread, so sorry if I am repeating previous posters. Late DP was a snorer and I cannot just fall asleep, included if woken in the night. In the end separate bedrooms was the only real answer for us. There is no shame in sleeping separately, a good night's sleep is far more important to a happy relationship than sleeping in the same bed. In fact having your own space can be really positive. You can still have cuddles and snuggle up etc. I know you have 2 beds but one of you could share with DC and see how it goes. Lack of sleep is torture.

Original poster

Bedsox · 22/01/2018 23:54

Teabagtits... bruises huh?? my dh is in serious danger of waking up with a mysterious black eye.. im joking of course.

Currently we dont have 2 beds only our bed and little ones cot.. fortunatly or rather unfortunately in our case dd will not share a bed if i try and bring her in with me she cries to go back to her room or she messes around and kicks me all night and tries to jump all over the bed and me! She has never slept in my bed once even as a small baby she prefered her moses basket its both a blessing and a curse

OP posts:

GeorgeTheHamster · 23/01/2018 09:39

I love your husband for taking this onboard

Hmm. He'll still sound like a foghorn tonight though won't he. OP needs action not words.

QueenofmyPrinces · 23/01/2018 09:44

Following on from this thread I told my husband yesterday that if he wants to get off the sofa and come back to the bedroom then we are buying a single bed and I’m going to sleep in the nursery.

He was not impressed and didn’t really say much.

I will talking to him about it again tonight.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 23/01/2018 11:10

Teabag I am genuinely shocked at your DH's callous attitude to your well-being! He actually has a solution but refuses to wear it? I'd genuinely consider leaving DH if he was that selfish and I love him to bits.

My DH snored, he stopped smoking, cut down on drinking and took up exercise which sorted it. He also went to his GP who suggested the above but said come back if it didn't work. Luckily it did. He is a kind, considerate partner, unlike some of the selfish bellends discussed on this thread.

letsdolunch321 · 23/01/2018 11:16

If he won’t get help, make him sleep on the sofa.

Me & my partner have seperate bedrooms

PinkyBlunder · 23/01/2018 11:32

Oh this thread is so timely for me. I’m mega pregnant and struggling to sleep anyway but every time I do drop off I’m awoken by his snoring. He never used to be this bad, just occasionally. Now it’s near on every night and not even my nudges, pushes and kicks will stop him long enough for me to go back to sleep. Last night I finally dropped off at 4.30am. Fucking 4.30am!!!!

He’s not overweight, it used to be that having a drink of an evening made it worse but I don’t see the difference now. His DF has apnoea and uses a CPAP. He also does have diagnosed ENT (ear) issues but it’s a farmilar story - won’t get it sorted out and won’t even try nasal strips because apparently they’ll just fall off

Honestly last night I was so exhausted I was reduced to tears, woke him up and told him he needs to find somewhere else to sleep. Then cried because I didn’t want him to go

I’m dreadjng tonight already.

JaniceBattersby · 23/01/2018 11:40

I can’t understand why women stay with these men (and it usually is men, although not always) who are doing that is literally torturing their wives and are not prepared to talk very simple measures (a trip to the GP, lose some weight, stop drinking alcohol) that would improve the quality of life for the whole family. It’s so, so selfish. It should take crying and arguing and threatening to leave etc.

I hope your husband has already booked that GP appointment OP.

Thisgrle · 23/01/2018 12:16

Oh no 😕 my parents always slept apart when we were growng up. My mum slept in with my sister and I, VERY crowded whilst my dad and brother had their own rooms. My mum would say never marry a man that snores but yet here I am. I thought it was a reason for her not to sleep with my dad as they didnt get along. But oh was she right. I knew my now husband snored long before we married because groups of us would all holiday together years ago before we started dating so I knew. I'm living with my husband snoring 20yrs now and yes it has affected our whole lives to when and where I worked, my moods the next day, my daily plans the next day, my mental health, my relationship with my husband and to an extent my children as I was always tired and irritable. When he was examined by our GP he found that my husband has a mandibular defect where he has a smaller lower jawbone which sits into the neck and spine and causes him to nearly suffocate when he lies down.His father has it and one of my daughter's which wasnt diagnosed untill we took her for braces on her teeth. He would need an operation in the future. Your husband needs to do this for all of you not just his own health. It could be something minor unlike my husbands.

Original poster

Bedsox · 23/01/2018 13:06

He has booked an appointment thank god they tried to fob him off on the phone and i heard him tell then it wasnt good enough and while it might not seem urgent to then he has a wife and a child that is suffering. They are seeing him tomorrow.

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 23/01/2018 13:41

Can you go with him? Then you can explain the effect on you, what the snoring sounds like, and take no nonsense! And download a recording app tonight to record how he snores. You could also do the Epworth test and the other tests on that website to see what his score is for OSA.
BTW, though losing weight can help with OSA, due to the changes in body chemistry it causes, it's really hard to lose weight with it untreated. The advice is to start treatment and then try to lose weight.
And your DH needs a sleep clinic referral, not ENT as some GPs will try as the sleep clinic can do all the assesments where ENTs look for things they can operate on first.

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