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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if my marriage ever ends it will be because of SNORING!

129 replies

Bedsox · 21/01/2018 23:58

AngryAngryAngry

Aaarrgghhh I cant stand that fucking noise that comes out of my other wise lovely DH! I honestly dont remeber the last time we spent the night in bed together but we live in a small 2 bed house and his snoring radiates through the house waking me and my 18 month old dd!

Ive always hated the sound of snoring it fills me with rage i remeber just wanting to punch my DF in the face every time he fell asleep on the sofa!

DH knows his snoring is bad and rather selfishly fell asleep at 8pm banishing me to the bedroom with no telly so i tried watching documentries on you tube while knitting and that sound is soooooo disruptive. I dont want to sound dramatic but his constant snoring is ruining our lives i feel so tired and tearful! I cant use ear plugs as come the morning i become a very heavy sleeper probably because of exhaustion and im scared i wont hear my dd or alarm.

What can i do? I am on the verge of asking him to make other living arrangements which i dont want to do i love my DH so much but i can feel myself becoming resentful.

Thanks for reading any advice or coping tips welcome!

OP posts:
FitBitFanClub · 22/01/2018 10:05

OP, you say your husband is "slightly" overweight. I'm sorry, but according to the nhs BMI calculator, to be 6'1" and 16.5 stone puts him as obese.
That might be a place to start.

Original poster
Bedsox · 22/01/2018 10:05

This could be down to tiredness but dh has fallen sleep at work against his will before.

Also we don't really ever drink these days we haven't had so much as a glass of wine since Christmas day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedsox · 22/01/2018 10:08

Hi fit. I'm not sure how bmi works so thank you for that so strange because dh doctor told him to get to 16 stone meaning lose half a stone Confused il have to mention this to dp and suggest he gets more off.

As i say when i met him he was around 14 stone and his snorning was just as frequent and just as loud.

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 22/01/2018 10:11

I had an ex with sleep apnoea - trust me, it's in a different league to normal but infuriating loud snoring. People with apnoea have been recorded as snoring more loudly than an oncoming train.

My ex would make these unbelievably loud snores and grunts and then he'd stop altogether for a minute or two before thrashing around and drawing in a huge snoring breath. The noise was so bad that he once fell asleep on a flight and woke up to empty seats - they'd had to move those near him to first because they'd all complained so much!! (He's been married for about ten years now, god alone knows how)

Original poster
Bedsox · 22/01/2018 10:17

Rebecca thats awful because i find i can barely hear people speak on a plane so for his snoring to be so loud peole complained Shock

Im sooo tired this morning going out for lunch today with the main lady in my life who knows my pain regarding dh snoring... my dmil i love being able to talk to her and she never once has laughed it off or dismissed it. Like me she suffers with her sleep because of her dp hes not a snorer though.. he loves listening to the radio in bed and wakes up cross if she turns it off!

OP posts:
Stumbleine · 22/01/2018 11:48

Op I feel your pain!! Dh's snoring would wake the dead!

He attended ent and sleep clinic which ruled out apnoea. Then I bought him something called a mandibular advancement device. It has literally changed our lives!!! He wears it to bed every night and the worst we get now is a little bit of sniffly nasal snoring if he has a cold. I cannot express how amazing this has been. I would definitely give it a go.

MikeUniformMike · 22/01/2018 11:54

It sounds like sleep apnoea. For the sake of your sanity and marriage, get him to see the GP.

frasier · 22/01/2018 11:58

So selfish about the radio! He should wear earbuds!

CMOTDibbler · 22/01/2018 12:02

Mine snored terribly when thin or fat. When I finally forced him to the GP it turned out he had severe sleep apnoea and has now been on CPAP for 11 years. Silence reigns in our bedroom unless his mask slips - the machine is virtually silent.

DarthNigel · 22/01/2018 12:08

Snoring DID contribute to the end of marriage. I got no sleep. Ever. It made me stressed and cranky. And unable to cope. Which h couldn't understand because he was functioning on 8 hours of sleep a night. It wasn't the deal Breaker but it didn't help.

It's left me with chronic insomnia to boot as I've never been able to retrain my brain to sleep for long after 15 years of it.

H wouldn't do anything about it at all really.He was overweight and he drank a fair bit at weekends which probably didn't help. Wouldn't go to the GP or take it seriously.

Get your dh a Drs appointment at least...it's just awful being that tired all the time because of another person (even where it's not their deliberate fault)

QueenofmyPrinces · 22/01/2018 12:14

How do they test for sleep apnoea?

FluffyWuffy100 · 22/01/2018 12:15

My friend's DH is a bad snorer. Had operations and stuff but still super bad.

They have separate bedrooms at opposite ends of the house.

Ireallylovetea2 · 22/01/2018 12:26

Not read full thread yet, but wanted you to know that you're not alone. I was awake until gone 4am this morning due to my oh's snoring, and could've written your post myself & I also feel murderous sometimes. They do say sleep deprivation is still one of the best forms of torture and they're right; it's hell!!

Mine is overweight, but seems incapable of even trying to do anything about it. I really think that he thinks I exaggerate & he really doesn't seem to grasp the effect it has on me.

Sorry, not much help! Flowers

Ireallylovetea2 · 22/01/2018 12:29

I might have a decent night's sleep maybe once a month if I'm lucky, but other than that, I haven't had a regular good night's sleep for about 7 years now and it really is killing me.

MikeUniformMike · 22/01/2018 12:33

I think they send you to a sleep clinic and measure your breathing pattern.

44PumpLane · 22/01/2018 12:37

Sorry if already been mentioned, CBA to RTFT.... DH went to docs and got a nasal spray as his snoring had been caused by a polyp in his nose- 3 days after he started the problem was solved.

Get him to his GP. If he won't go then fashion a knife out of ice. (Evidence me ta away)!

disclaimer:sarcasm!!

Hohofortherobbers · 22/01/2018 12:44

I am a sufferer too. My dh has always snored on his back but a nudge to roll him over would sort it out. Now he snores on his side and back. It doesn't make sense, he's never been fitter as he's training really hard at the moment, not overweight, doesn't drink or smoke. What can it be? He's exhausted, I wear ear plugs and can still hear it, I feel so malevolent to him in the middle of the night it's scares me

AllButterShortbread · 22/01/2018 12:50

Saw this on fb and thought of you lot.

newsthump.com/2017/02/21/snorer-wakes-up-completely-unaware-hes-lucky-to-still-be-alive/

QuiteChic · 22/01/2018 12:51

I recorded the Dh's snoring one night and played it to him the morning. I promised I wouldn't do it again if he promised to go to the Drs, of course he hasn't been. He twitches all night too and kicks out in his sleep, one night having been kicked half a dozen times, I screamed at him "I've put up with your bloody snoring for 30 years, I'll be damned if I'm going to let you kick me". There was absolute silence for 15 mins then he got up and went downstairs and did the ironing. He's still snoring, but he works away every other week which gives me the chance to catch up. I think that's why we're still married.

MikeUniformMike · 22/01/2018 13:02

www.nhs.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea/diagnosis/
describes the tests.

Ireallylovetea2 · 22/01/2018 13:14

I wear earplugs, but they hurt me, and I dont think it's really good to wear them looking term due to infections, etc, and anyway, even wearing them makes no difference as his snoring is so loud.

Previously, I've spent 3 yrs sleeping downstairs on the sofa and still couldn't sleep due to how loud his snoring is.

I'd estimate that I generally survive on 3-4hours sleep per night.

I've told him how much it's affecting me mentally and physically, but he still hasn't done anything about it, which makes me really resentful, as I feel that if he really loved me he'd do everything possible to stop snoring.

It's definitely affecting our relationship on my part as I don't feel affectionate towards him, etc, because I'm so resentful. I do wake him or tap him to get his attention, but he just starts snoring again almost immediately.

I'm also loathe to keep waking him every minute of every night as he has a job where being tired could be dangerous.
I can't get to sleep before him as I suffer with a lot of pain anyway and he's asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow. It takes him literally less than a minute to fall asleep.

If I can get to sleep, it's not so bad as it's generally the same loudness, etc, so I'll often be able to sleep through it then (unless it gets suddenly louder or something, as this will then wake me up again).

It really is soul destroying and I'm also not sure how much longer can go on, although I don't have the option of leaving.

I think he just sees it as me having a dig at his weight, so he doesn't take it seriously. He's very lucky in that he can sleep through anything. Really wish I could.

I actually think I'd rather have no hearing that put up with this for the rest of my life.

Ireallylovetea2 · 22/01/2018 13:18

Maybe we could all be each other's alibi, lol, like in that film where they carry out each other's murder in order to get away with it!!! Wink Halo Ha ha ha!!

Plumes · 22/01/2018 13:19

It's so depressing how many people refuse to do anything about the problem despite pleas from their partners. Living with a snorer can take a serious toll on health and wellbeing.

Unbelievably selfish of these snorers.

MikeUniformMike · 22/01/2018 13:31

Ireallylovetea, get him to get it checked. If it is SA, it can be treated.
If not treated he could fall asleep at work and lose his job, or fall asleep driving.

ginorwine · 22/01/2018 13:45

Not had time to read thread except op so sorry if I repeat any advice .
We had this - it has been cited as grounds for divorce I think !
It's really horrendous .
We went to sleep clinic via gp and his sound level was recorded . Following this the NHS buikt a gum Sheild type thing ( like false teeth ) he wears this and cannot snore .
Life changer . The NHS only pays for one but for just above 200 you can get replacement by doing a cast . Think via British sleep association ( I can check )
The reason he snores was sort of a loose flap in the throat- the device holds his mouth in postiln and he cannot snore . I hope it's caused by similar reasons for your dh as this literally changed our lives . Let me know if I can help further .