To think my ds is complaining about something that will be fine

[User700800]

Ds starts a new college which is one and 15 minutes by car. His days with start at 10.30 am and finish at 16.00pm he's saying it will be draining for him and he won't cope. Aibu to think it's not that bad.

Quite nasty responses here considering this person you're all judging is barely more than a child.

OP has mentioned they live "in the middle of nowhere" so it is very possible this is his closest/only college choice, especially depending on what he is studying, and you can bet it was absolutely not his choice at all to live where they do. It also is probably not feasible for him to move and live closer, since he is presumably around the 17/18 mark, and in todays climate for housing.
He will more than likely be a very newly qualified driver, a commitment to 2 and a half hours driving every day could be very daunting, depending on his confidence as a driver.
And yes, particularly if his schools were closer and not so long a commute (if there was one), it can seem like he's losing a lot of his "free time" when you consider that college courses come with a lot of homework, and at a more complex level than even highschool. To be able to get all his homework done and get to bed at a reasonable time to be rested well enough to SAFELY drive 2 lots of 1 hour 15 without traffic consideration, either side of his courses, he will probably not be staying up as late as he previously did either.

He may well be feeling a whole host of anxieties about growing up too, more responsibility, having to decide on a path for his life to take, it can be a scary/anxious time and maybe he's not feeling so confident? All this "suck it up snowflake" bollocks make you all sound really uncaring and the "well i had X,Y,Z commutes" etc it's not a competition, have a little empathy for someone you don't know who is clearly struggling a bit with becoming an adult?

That's an excellent post Jill.

He's being a snowflake. Where I live it's completely normal to travel an hr each way on public transport from age 11 to get to & from high school. What's he going to be like at work if he can't hack this?

I live in a rural town and work in a college, so I have a similar drive but start at 9 every day! After doing the nursery/school run...

Also, I regularly drive past students going one way or another at the bus stop at about 7.30, so they all have equally long days. It’s just how it goes when there’s no college near to your home.

Oh I'd tell him to stop being such a wuss. I do that every day, getting up at 6 and not getting home till half 6

Well if you live in a very remote locations then this is an issue that you encounter isn’t it? I’m sure that everywhere in the villages and surrounding areas there are teenagers going through similar issues ( with regards accessing clubs, schools and other services).He is extremely lucky to be driving and have access to his own car for a start - I’m sure there are plenty of young people stuck with a non existent rural public transport service who would love the independence and freedom that that offers. In cities the issues are different as services can be geographically closer but traffic means you spend a long time going short distances. Which is why commutes of 1+ may only be for a distance of a few miles and are considered quite normal in London and other big cities. Presumably you chose to live in your area and these are the issues you take on board when you choose to live somewhere. Could you see if there is someone like locally going the same way to share the driving ? Remember though that at his age he could be serving in the military and dealing with far longer, tougher days than this - so all the hand wringing about how tough his commute is and how he’s still a child is looking a bit “ first world problem” to me.

Can you suggest ways to help him use the commuting time when driving to have a playlist handy of lectures / talks and podcasts related to what he's studying at least some of the time. I used to do that when I drove to uni and back (two hours each way) and it helped cut down on studying time at home. These days you can get a ton of free resources on almost any subject you choose via recorded lectures / talks / documentaries etc.

There are also gazillions of audiobooks you can download and listen to as you are driving - safely if you are sensible (for example choosing the book and hitting play before you start the car moving etc). He might turn his nose up at the idea but it would be a decent use of his time and maybe free up a bit of time in the evenings.

Also remind him he has the holidays as well to relax?

I get why it might be daunting if he's used to having say from 4pm or so to chill out after school.

i'd offer practical suggestions to help make the commute easier and organise his time and also remind him he will build his stamina and get used to the longer schedule.

I understand his worries, it’s a long day and if he’s got a low powered old car, as is likely as a teen, the journey will be tiring. When you are working you don’t have hours of work to do each evening, assuming he’s doing A levels he’s probably got an extra 12 hours at least of study a week. For all those commenting their child catches buses & trains, public transport is far less tiring and usually has a social element. What would he like to do instead?

Hahahahahaha!

Tell him in the real world people do that commute and have to be at work by 8.30am and leave at 7pm and have children.

My daily commute to comprehensive school was 1hr15, by bus! Leave house 7.20, walk to bus stop, catch school bus 7.35, school until 3.30, bus journey and walk home 1hr25, so home by circa 5ish. I didn't even think about it really - it's just what we did (it was actually a catchment school too so not optional!). Did this from year 7 until end of 6th form.

I do wonder how I managed to survive working 8.30am to 5.30pm with an hour for lunch, Monday to Friday at 16 after leaving school.

But come on he (and a lot of teenagers his age) are going to be shocked when they get into the real world. We all have to travel/work long hours that's life.

Are you wealthy? Could he be angling for renting near college?
My older brother wangled this from my soft mother (partly due to his capacity for being a shit when crossed) Needless to say, he tossed it off and only turned up for some of his exams. My parents continued to support him for the next 30, sadly mostly unhappy years.
My commute to secondary school was at least as long as your DS’s college run as we lived rurally and the bus went round loads of villages and we were second pickup in the morning and second to last drop off in the afternoon. We all survived, - and our bus was a war zone that made Lord of the Flies look like Enid Blighton.