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Original poster

To not have a 'runaway' fund?

401 replies

runawayfund · 21/01/2018 18:58

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 23/01/2018 14:19

@KERALA1 I just think it's rather sad (as well as preposterous) for me to have a "running away fund" from my lovely dh.

Well it's also pretty sad to think of your house burning down to the last stick, but you don't get "sad" about buying contents insurance. Ditto making sure you have all your affairs in order in the event of your untimely death or lifechanging injury.

That's all it is - another financial safety net just in case the worst happens. Just common sense. No need to attach emotional baggage to it.

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 14:21

Why not just accept that having a separate pot of savings in your name is a smart thing to do? You can call it what you like - emergency savings, rainy day fund, whatever, but it still serves the same purpose. It's there "just in case"

It might be a smart thing to have your own savings, though its far from essential, but the point is whether you hide it or not. Separate savings accounts above board is one thing, squirrelling away joint money in secret in case you need to leg it is quite another.
And a sad thing to think you need.
Why are you with someone you need secret stashes to run away from?

Trinity66 · 23/01/2018 14:22

I've never heard of this, sounds odd unless you're in a bad situation that you want to escape from. Myself and DH earn about the same anyway and both have our own accounts (plus a joint for bills etc) so if we ever split it's not a worry to be left with no form of support etc

ShotsFired · 23/01/2018 14:30

@taskmaster It might be a smart thing to have your own savings, though its far from essential, but the point is whether you hide it or not. Separate savings accounts above board is one thing, squirrelling away joint money in secret in case you need to leg it is quite another.

I think people are getting hung up on the wrong part of it.
I live with my OH and we both have savings. I have no idea how much he has, he has no idea how much I have. We pay the bills and account for all the shared costs and then we have what's leftover to do with as we wish.

If I asked he'd tell me, but I don't actually care - what difference does it make to me?

You can call it a running away fund, a fuck it fund, a rainy day fund, whatever. I call it sensible money management.

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 14:31

But its not the wrong part of it, its the actual point of the thread!

You're mixing up saving your own income in your own account with women hiding joint money away in hidden accounts. Not the same thing at all, is it?

KERALA1 · 23/01/2018 15:06

The thread was started by the OP saying her friend was horrified she didn't have a "running away fund". Well neither do most people Hmm. Doesn't mean we are slavishly reliant on our DHs.

Of all the things that keep me awake at night DH clearing out our joint account and running off with his secretary is not one - sorry to disappoint the doom mongers.

ShotsFired · 23/01/2018 15:06

The OP doesn't say it is joint money, but yes, I accept your point that she does say it is hidden/kept deliberately secret.

Maybe I extrapolated my own view of what it was/was for/why it was common sense (I am not married, have no kids and through necessity of being single for a long time, can always afford to live separately).

Maybe we can agree that the premise of holding independent means should be the key takeaway and the circumstances about how that is achieved are up to the person?

SparklySeaShell · 23/01/2018 15:09

Nope I don't have one. But I do have a credit card with a big limit and not much on it in my name only. I mover really thought of it that way but I suppose it could be used in the highly unlikely event I'd need it.

PoorYorick · 23/01/2018 15:11

I have one. It was my grandfather who told me to have one, long before I even met my husband. My grandfather was quite the feminist.

My husband knows about it. He says I'll never need it and I like to think he's right. But he thinks it's a good idea for women to have their own funds, and he says he can't very well say, "well, every woman except for my wife".

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 15:31

The thread was started by the OP saying her friend was horrified she didn't have a "running away fund". Well neither do most people
This thread is split about 50:50. So you're wrong there to say that most don't

Why are you with someone you need secret stashes to run away from?
I know single women that have them. Widowed women that have them (accounts that they never touch that are separate from their other finances)

Not having one isn't a badge of honour on the "security" or quality of your relationship. Sorry but it's not. Women in relationships as good as it maybe even better than yours have them, and have had them since before they met their OH and through all previous relationships and single periods. You're missing the whole point of them: you build them up in the good times, so you have a buffer if things go bad.

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:04

Maybe we can agree that the premise of holding independent means should be the key takeaway and the circumstances about how that is achieved are up to the person?

No. Some couples have entirely joint finances and no need for independent means. I have nothing that is just in my name, neither does by husband. Neither of us has any need to have any.

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:04

I know single women that have them. Widowed women that have them (accounts that they never touch that are separate from their other finances)
no you don't. If they are single or widowed they do not have a secret stash because their is no-one to have a secret from. What they have is a saving account, which is not the point at hand.

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 16:20

No. Some couples have entirely joint finances and no need for independent means. I have nothing that is just in my name, neither does by husband. Neither of us has any need to have any.

Wow, youve both figured out how to never die, get sick or get caught out by TMs "freeze first ask later" banking policiess

Thats clever of you

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:21

Wow, youve both figured out how to never die, get sick or get caught out by TMs "freeze first ask later" banking policies

OR, I've actually got my finances set up so my death or illness would make no difference, and I don't know what the third thing is but there is no reason at all my accounts could be frozen.

Why so insulting to women to assume that we don't know what we are doing when it comes to our finances? Hmm

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 16:22

"no you don't. If they are single or widowed they do not have a secret stash because their is no-one to have a secret from. What they have is a saving account, which is not the point at hand. "

They don't count/consider it and rarely mention it outside of "fuck off fund" conversations

If you mention it you start counting it in your finances and it gets dipped into

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:22

thats not what we are talking about here! Can you really not understand the difference between a savings account and a runaway fund?

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 16:23

OR, I've actually got my finances set up so my death or illness would make no difference

Yeah cause pobate is instant Hmm

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:25

You don't actually understand how any of it works, do you? Probate would make no difference to my set up.

stickytoffeevodka · 23/01/2018 16:28

Or maybe lots of people consider their savings account to be a runaway fund?

So many people caught up in the details of the name. I think it's damn sensible to have money you can access in an emergency that is yours alone. So in the event of death, an accident, a house fire or any other horrible event, you know you have access to funds (or credit) which will ensure you're not stuck sleeping in your car with no means with which to feed and house yourself for a few days.

Whether it's secret from your husband or not isn't what's important. The important thing is that it's there - because no matter how wonderful your husband is, he's not infallible and you never know what might happen tomorrow.

Why not be prepared just in case? Having money aside to help can make a shit event like a break up or a house fire a lot more bearable.

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 16:29

Taskmaster joint finances sometimes got frozen when one dies. It happens.

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:32

Not when you have made proper arrangements it does not. Which bit of it are you not getting?

Whether it's secret from your husband or not isn't what's important. The important thing is that it's there

Of course that is important! If you care about your marriage at all.
If a man was hiding money from his wife for the event he was going to leave her, every one of you would be shouting about financial abuse. Its the same thing.

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 16:33

Accusations of criminal activity etc. Both of you should have SOME non joint finances to tide you over

And yes TM has told banks to freeze accounts BEFORE asking for ID where there is any doubt about whether it was properly ID checked when set up

DH and I have joint accounts but also enough to tide each of us over if one of us had to go through the faff of getting our accounts in frozen for any reason

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:34

Criminal activity? Are you living in a soap or are you just married to a criminal?
You are ridiculous!

taskmaster · 23/01/2018 16:34

and who the fuck is this TM you keep waffling about, your bank manager?

PancakeInMaBelly · 23/01/2018 16:37

Um, the Prime Minister LOL

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