To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

After my last relationship I think I’d always keep a bit of secret savings aside now. Doesn’t hurt and if you have a blissful life together it’s something nice to have in retirement for some holidays etc.

Exactly magic. The same man who has taken out maximum life insurance so we would be better off if he died, never shown a moments unkindness, adores his kids, races home from work to be with us and is scrupulously ridiculously fair in every dealing ever. Naaah..

Even if he ditched me he would be decent. .

Oh @MagicWillHappen go and read the relationships board.

Nobody gets into a marriage thinking it's going to end in divorce but y'know what? Life happens. People change. And things don't always work out the way you planned.

Maybe look at it as a rainy day fund. It doesn't have to be in case of divorce, but what if one of you gets sick and you can't pay the mortgage, or a child gets ill and you need to give up work to care for them? What if you suddenly need a new car and a new boiler in the same month?

I don't understand why you would completely pool all your finances with someone. People change and can up and leave without a moments notice. I've read threads on relationships where people have been married 20+ years and their partner has walked out with no hint of problems beforehand, and taken all the money with them.

Just because things are perfect now doesn't meant they'll always be perfect. 14 years together and three kids doesn't necessarily mean squat.

The relationships board is a place of support for people going through an awful time so a self selecting group. You can't read that and extrapolate that's a massive risk for everyone! If it's skewing your views of relationships maybe you should step away from it.

I know many people and deal with lots of clients and the "husband turning into a bastard and running off with all the money" is very rare. I have not come across it once. It's like being scared to fly in case the plane crashes. You look at the situation and evaluate the risk. Which for the average woman in the street is pretty low.

I know it won't happen to everyone.

But I want to know that if the worst should happen, a shit time won't be made even harder by me not having any access to money. I want to know that if, for some reason, I need to leave or get left, I have money put aside to make that easier for me.

When my last relationship broke down it was a very sudden break and that runaway fund meant I could hand in my notice at work and move out within a week without having to worry about feeding myself or anything like that. I had money stashed for a train ticket home, and enough to support myself for a few months until I got back on my feet.

I never got into that relationship imagining was still married and had children he'd never told me about. But fortunately when he did turn out to be a giant piece of shit, I was enable to leave without worrying about where my next meal was going to come from.

Actually I would say that the risk is pretty high.
Because about 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Probably more for Partnership.
Because once a woman is getting divorce she is the one who is struggling the most and is likely to end up in poverty, whilst looking after the dcs.

So it’s not a low risk to find yourself in a situation where you will need your own funds. It’s not just the relationships threads. It’s 50% of women that will have to face the eventuality to have to split assets with someone that will be resentful and will want to protect his own arse (very normal reaction to look after one self rather than the person you dint want to live with anyone anyway).
Obviously it’s even more of the case if you are in a parternship rather being married.

I had a fuck off fund and a bag at a friend's house. Knickers, bras, socks, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, shower gel, shampoo, first aid kit, torch, matches, waterproofs, small tool kit, hat, gloves, ready cash, list of phone numbers, spare set of keys. All essential paperwork - passport, driving licence, details of bank accounts, NI number, GP and dentist records/details - keep it all together where you can grab and run. Basic common sense.

Sorry undercover but if I found myself feeling I needed to do that I would end the relationship. What's the point if there is no trust?

I haven’t got a runaway fund but I do have my own savings accounts.

DH and I get paid into our own accounts have standing orders from those into a joint current account that covers bills, mortgage etc. The money left over for that either goes on us having time out together, dinners, weekends away or moves into a joint savings account.

Our own personal accounts then are used for whatever we want. I know I save more and more frequently then DH but I also know he has a much bigger pension than me.

We’re both open with our finances though so know what each other’s got and if one needed the others help we’re all for that but I’m much more inclined to keep my money mine and share it as previous partners have been very good liars and had been ££££ in debt which has made me more careful perhaps

If my Mum had had a fuck off fund and a fuck off bag, things would have been very different.

I couldn't live any other way.

Your life can turn on a sixpence. Never assume you don't need to be ready.

I have never earned much and used to be terrible with money, always broke at the end of every month. It wasn't a good feeling. Over the last 6-7 years I have overhauled this mindset and now have £9k in my personal savings account from birthday and Christmas money. I love having it there as security. I still only make minimum wage (very lucky to have generous relatives) but also save £20 per month to a prepay card that I never use. Still quite crap with money and all my wages get spent, but at least am never skint any more!

Having money in your own name is a sensible thing for everyone to have. I would never want to be completely financially dependent on anyone else and I like being able to go out and buy things without being accountable to the family pot.

We have a joint account for bills and for saving for things like holidays or car repairs, but we both have our own savings that the other can't touch. I don't want to have to "run it past my partner" if I want to buy a new laptop or whatever, so if it's in my savings account then it's up to me what it's spent on. Equally DP likes buying mountain bikes but if it's out of his savings, he can do what he wants.

It means all our bills and house stuff are paid, but that we both have funds to spend or save at our leisure. If I never need to use them in an emergency, great, but it's bloody reassuring that they're there anyway.

My Nan did , all through the marriage put a tiny amount away every month over 30 yrs.

Maybe you just know, because when he left her for another woman when the kids grew up she could get a small place and was ok (whereas he was VERY angry he was reliant on the new woman)

I don't have such a fund but I'd be able to support myself and my DD even if DH and I split up and will make sure that's always the case.

Sticky in your situation a stash of secret savings worked out well.

In mine, I don't need it. Even if the worst happened and dh did leave me or turn into a knob.

I have savings, I have a large amount of readily available credit I can access. I have a secure, well paid job, a good support system, the knowledge of exactly where to go and how to access help. Property and assets in my name...why would I hide money away?

How Kerala described her husband is exactly how countless women and men described their husbands and wives after 10 20 30 years of marriage but ....

They still found themselves screwed over when someone else came on the scene. If people like kerala and purple daisies see it as wrong then pray it never happens to them.

Lots of men were great husbands and fathers until one day, they just were not there and loads of men have come home to the house locks changed and bank account empty.

I think eveyone needs funds that only they can access and rely on, as one day your loving partner may not have left or cheated or grown to be abusive but may be mentally ill or have dementia or die.

And since when was saving on the shopping or saving money given to you stealing? Some people have some wierd ideas.

whipps so glad your nan was OK

I'm a bit at all the pp saying their partner would never do this and they can't dream of such a thing and how bad it is.

Do you honestly think all the women who did need to use their savings set them up with a mindset of "yeah he's probably going to cheat on me/run off with the account lady/die/whatever, so better get this sorted"??

Financial independence is never a bad thing and you are a mug if you think reliance on someone else is the only way.

I would never have a secret fund of stashed money from my DH. That's very dishonest and says a lot about your relationship.

On the other hand I'd never need one because I would never make myself reliant on any man financially. I can hold my own regardless and have always felt that's important to me and my self esteem.

Shots saying I do not have and would never need a secret 'running away fund' is not the same as being financially dependent on a man

Don't get hung up on the name "running away fund". Call it "my savings" if you want. It's the principle of having funds in your own right, not the label. Hell, I've got a fund that I call my "piss it up the wall pot"

My main issue was with everyone who said no need for any independence because it would never happen to them.

Don't worry about me . I am a professional who can always support myself. I just think it's rather sad (as well as preposterous) for me to have a "running away fund" from my lovely dh.

Lots of people taking massive offence at the name "running away fund".

Why not just accept that having a separate pot of savings in your name is a smart thing to do? You can call it what you like - emergency savings, rainy day fund, whatever, but it still serves the same purpose. It's there "just in case".

It’s also fine to talk about ‘I’m not dependent on my DP’ but most couples are financially codependent in that neither of them could afford to cover all the outgoings on their own. If you are by far the higher earner in the couple, or the pair of you live so frugally that you don’t need any of the second salary, then agreed, no need, but if not, it would be prudent to make sure you could keep the status quo ticking over for a few months.

We each have our own substantial savings accounts and stocks and shares account. We know what is in the other's accounts, and have different approaches to risk, so like to compare to see whether his higher risk shares are doing better than my middle risk shares.

DH earns many times my salary, so when he has maxed out his ISA allowance, he adds to mine too. The money is considered joint for house purchasing, financial planning etc though.

Very happily married. I'd never call it a runaway fund, but I guess it's there if I need it, and having seen so many awful threads on MN, if I didn't already have personal savings then I would be doing this as insurance.