*triggering* would you leave this person in charge of your child?

[Huffpostisapileofcrap]

Mother whose partner sexually abused daughter. Mother aware (daughter told her, partner semi-admitted) and did not end relationship and does not admit any wrong doing years later. Still with partner.

Daughter and mother NC for years. Daughter now has child (DD,3). Mother and daughter back in contact, mother still does not admit wrong doing and does not acknowledge the abuse. Mother still in relationship with abuser.

Would you leave DD (granddaughter) in mother's (grandmother) care in DD's home? Mother (grandmother) says abusive partner will not be there.

Absolutely never

No way. Not while there was breath in my body.

No

No, I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. NC was the right choice in the first place

Absolutely no way

Err... NO.

Hell, no! Didn't protect a kid then, won't protect a kid now.

Nope

No I wouldn't take that risk with my dd.

Why would the person want her daughter there. Regardless if he’s not there, it’s still his home with his belongings.

Do you really need to ask? Your mother wrongly left you in a vulnerable situation. Do not leave your dear child at the mercy of your awful mother and her criminal partner.

Of course not

No no no no

And frankly I'd make a call to NSPCC to discuss if there are any further steps I could take, as a bystander, so safeguard the poor child. Eg call social services.

Absolutely not.

Of course not. Would not have contact at all.

The mother has a legal obligation to ensure the safety of a child. KNOWINGLY eaving the child unsupervised with the silent partner of an abuser would be viewed dimly by the police and social services

Good. Just checking I wasn't being overly protective. I'm not the daughter, my friend is. She's going out one evening and has asked her mum to babysit. I was aghast. I'd offer but I'm having an operation that day.

No. It is the younger mother's responsibility to protect her daughter and that is the priority above everything else.

Just because the grandmother's partner is not there in the house does not mean he cannot direct abuse.

For example. "Oh please take some photos of her when she's having a bath, little children are so cute" He does not have to be there to facilitate abuse!!!!

The grandmother has been conditioned by her partner if she is still with him.

@huffpost I’m really sorry to say this but it really makes me question your friend. Did she really get abused? Was she abused but pretending it did not happen? I don’t know why she would even think of this. It actually puts a knot in my stomach thinking that your friend even thought this.

Nomad5 that's partly my concern. Or him 'dropping something off' etc. My friend is a bit pissed off I mentioned it to her, but hopefully I've made her think.

No way!! Totally unsafe.

Also this - "The grandmother has been conditioned by her partner if she is still with him."

Absolutely not, safeguarding is a teeny part of my job and this absolutely horrifies me.

@Letsmaketheworldbetter

It's made me question her too. She putting her need to go out (on a date) above the safety of her child, which to me is unacceptable.

Unfortunately I know another woman in this situation (abused by stepdad, mother aware, remained with him) who also doesn't see her mother as a risk to children, in the unable to protect or assess risk way.

This shouldnt even be a question. Obviously not