*triggering* would you leave this person in charge of your child?

[Huffpostisapileofcrap]

Mother whose partner sexually abused daughter. Mother aware (daughter told her, partner semi-admitted) and did not end relationship and does not admit any wrong doing years later. Still with partner.

Daughter and mother NC for years. Daughter now has child (DD,3). Mother and daughter back in contact, mother still does not admit wrong doing and does not acknowledge the abuse. Mother still in relationship with abuser.

Would you leave DD (granddaughter) in mother's (grandmother) care in DD's home? Mother (grandmother) says abusive partner will not be there.

Absolutely fucking never. Massive risk and if social services found out the child would likely be removed aswell

No, definitely not. If your friend's DM hasn't acknowledged what her partner did years ago so she can't be trusted to keep her DGD safe. I really don't get what your friend is thinking, sorry.

My DM didn't protect my DSis or me from our abusive father or our DB (who was also abused and has MH issues now). My F is dead, thankfully, but my DB lives near her. I have made it clear that he can't be around our DDs. My DM has always stuck to that. My DB was a teenager and now he's 50, he's not likely to hurt them, but it's a risk I would never take if I'm not with them. Because it's our responsibility to keep our children safe, surely?

Her mum is also an abuser as she knew about it and did nothing. And now your friend is failing to protect her dd as well. Would ss really not even chat to your friend to explain the danger?

@mnhq am really concerned about the fact that children are.going to be left with child abuser, as that's what this 'd' gm is.

What's wrong with that woman that she stayed with her dd's abuser??!!
No. In fact I wouldn't want to see a woman like that. I would go no contact with the woman. Despicable behaviour from the mother. Her poor dd.

YANBU.

From experience this is fairly common though. A relative was abused by her dad (thankfully her mum - and only woman I know to do so - kicked him out straight away) and still took her children to see him, she knew she would never leave her DD alone with him, but still went because she was hoping to be in his Will. Disgusting behaviour.

DH's mum was abused by her dad. She still took her children to visit. I judge her harshly for that and don't trust her judgement. DH honestly doesn't get it as to him it was just his grandad and he was never alone with DH or his sister. Doesn't matter to me, thankfully he is dead as I told DH there would have been no chance of us having anything to do with him. Not sure if DH's nan knew but it wouldn't have surprised me if she did and stayed.

I was abused by my step mums new partner. It all came out and she believed him over me and stayed with him. I lost a whole large family because of that and the shame that they thought I was lying. Unfortunately they know I was telling the truth now.

What about the child's father? Is he around? What's his take and can you reach out to him?

No!!!
The child is at risk and you should be reporting this to relevant authorities.

of course not! why are you even asking!!!!

No.

Nope! Never!

In fact, I wouldn't even allow my mother to look after the child. The fact she chose an abuser over her daughter AND denies it years later makes her complicit in the abuse and quite frankly a potential danger to the child.

Is the daughters dad involved? I hope you can involve him in this. She needs to see what her mother has done!