*triggering* would you leave this person in charge of your child?

[Huffpostisapileofcrap]

Mother whose partner sexually abused daughter. Mother aware (daughter told her, partner semi-admitted) and did not end relationship and does not admit any wrong doing years later. Still with partner.

Daughter and mother NC for years. Daughter now has child (DD,3). Mother and daughter back in contact, mother still does not admit wrong doing and does not acknowledge the abuse. Mother still in relationship with abuser.

Would you leave DD (granddaughter) in mother's (grandmother) care in DD's home? Mother (grandmother) says abusive partner will not be there.

If the mother cannot protect her own daughter what chance does the granddaughter have.

Hell would freeze over before I would put my child at risk.

Not a hope in hell

No because I’d question her judgement about everything.

If your friend doesn't get the point and insists it's fine, OP please call NSPCC for advice.

Would there be any use is asking SS for advice? I’m just wondering if he’s on record as abusing others. And no I don’t give a shit if your friend gets upset. She’s risking her child’s safety in the same way her mother risked hers.

Nomad5 it doesn't meet threshold for social services. I was asking on here to guage if I was being alarmist. I'm going to have a serious talk with her.

I was in a similar situation being that I was abused by stepfather, mother aware, remained with him. I and my siblings went into the care system. I haven't spoken to any of them for over 20 years, neither has one of my siblings. She is still with him. The other sibling has both of them around their children. I called SS on my sibling when I found out.

It's not ok. Ring social services

SS will have a file, even if charges didn't go through. Call them.

You are in no way being an alarmist.

I think it does reach threshold for ss and child protection is part of my role

You are not being alarmist. You are a good human being.

Don't doubt yourself. I'm glad that you're looking out for the child!!

thecold it doesn't. I'm a social worker. It would meet threshold if he was there, or if there is evidence that the mother (grandmother) is party to abuse (e.g indecent images). It's alarming how high the threshold is.

But it's the potential that worries me, and as friend and mother myself, I wouldn't place a child in that situation.

There wouldn’t even be a safety plan in this situation in your area? I don’t think ss here would go to child protection but I think they would have a chat with Mum and gm and have a written plan in place

Obviously not and for your operation.

No.

Sometimes people have such a low opinion of themselves, such low self esteem that they cant see that what was done to them could be done to someone else, because they see themselves as nothing and not worth as much as someone else. I have a friend in a similar situation who was horrified that her abuser might do the same to someone else, she had ranked herself so far below anyone else as if she somehow deserved it and other people were worth so much more that her abuser would never dare. I hope I am explaining correctly.

No.fucking.way. In fact, I'd have nothing to do with that so-called mother, ever.

Just to clarify, overnight care by grandmother in grandmothers (and abusive partner) home MIGHT make threshold if he isn't there, and definitely would if he was there. As would him being there in DDs home.

Phuntsox that's a great explanation and one I hadn't considered.

Thecold no. There is no evidence of his abuse of my friend.

Where is he going to be?

I would rather them be taken into foster care in the case of emergency. Not even if they were the last adults on earth would I want them babysitting.