Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend sleeping with toddler still awake

195 replies

Pinkypieeyed · 19/01/2018 23:14

Bit worried about a friend who is pregnant with her third. She has a 7 year old and a 3 year old. She's been going to bed in the day and setting an alarm to wake her up in time for the school run. However her 3 year old is being left to her own devices during this time. Should i talk to her or AIBU in thinking this is potentially unsafe?

OP posts:
Rumpledfaceskin · 20/01/2018 11:00

Oblomov if you’re in a deep sleep the child is as good as alone. That’s what I said. When I nap in the day (which is rare) I am deeply aspleep. That’s why you nap, because you’re really tired. I wouldn’t hear my dd downstairs if she was in trouble. Kids will generally stay glued to a screen but I would never depend on it 100%, just as I would never 100% trust an adult to have some sort of 6th sense and wake up if their child was in trouble or doing something dangerous. When I think of the bizarre accidents me and my brothers had as kids, well I can tell you we may not all be here if my mum had been napping upstairs.

Jacobismyboy · 20/01/2018 11:04

God at 3 my dd was perfectly capable of playing safely in the house...i never napped but I did have horrendous morning sickness and she was frequently left in the living room whilst I vomited merrily away in the bathroom. She's always been a sensible non climber etc. My ds however I doubt I'll ever be able to leave him for a min. #lemmingblood

Jacobismyboy · 20/01/2018 11:04

God at 3 my dd was perfectly capable of playing safely in the house...i never napped but I did have horrendous morning sickness and she was frequently left in the living room whilst I vomited merrily away in the bathroom. She's always been a sensible non climber etc. My ds however I doubt I'll ever be able to leave him for a min. #lemmingblood

user1474652148 · 20/01/2018 11:18

Napping on the sofa with the child playing close by in a baby proof room with no access to anything dangerous is clearly fine.
Asleep in a bedroom on a different floor and leaving the child roaming around alone for long periods clearly isn't okay.
She needs more support clearly. I don't think you can question her parenting directly but I would offer to help more and if you are very close speak to her family and tell them how hard she is finding it.
She is not neglecting her child, she is simply trying to manage the situation.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/01/2018 13:19

MrsWannaBe
Where did I say I had ME before I had my dd? Because I didn’t. I was well. And who the fuck should have looked after my dd? Social services? Santa? Really you are being stupidly judgmental Confused

GreyMorning · 20/01/2018 13:20

I used to do this. DS would be in his room with a stair gate on the door and I would be asleep in the room next door. He's in no more danger than he is at nighttime.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/01/2018 13:24

SorenLorenson
Just read your post. Thank you so much for your kind words. Flowers. I’m glad you Health is much improved. Mumsnet has been such a godsend for me to be able to communicate with the outside world from the confines of my bed. I am better these days although the past 12 months have been tough. My dd brings me a lot of joy as well.

slithytove · 20/01/2018 13:31

Not sure on this one, our three year old often wakes up before us and plays or reads in her room. Sometimes I’ll get up and put a film on for her while we get a bit more sleep.

Never occurred to me this would be a problem, she is very safe (windows all locked, no keys around, plus she is a LOUD child.)

She does have a nearly 5 year old brother which maybe makes a difference.

Lillithxxx · 21/01/2018 17:37

She has a 7yr old and a 3yr old and she’s pregnant to boot. Think about that and keep your counsel, it’s her family and her business.

Booboo66 · 21/01/2018 17:38

I’m amazed some people go to bed at night, soon we won’t be allowed if social services are removing children for the mum having a nap. I have a now 4 year old who has a habit of getting up in th night to play. Mostly I hear her due to me being a light sleeper but sometimes I won’t realise immediately but get woken when she goes to get a drink of water or a snack which judging by her Lego creation is about 40 minutes in. Should my children be removed or is it sleeping at night still ok for now?

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 21/01/2018 17:40

Either offer to have the 3 year old for a few hours or shut up and mind your own business.
My daughter used to be up every half an hour at night and I was exhausted. I often ‘mum napped’ on the sofa while she played or watched a film/TV show. Mum napping is where you’re asleep but not really asleep as you can hear everything your child does.
My daughter has epilepsy and some unusual night havits...any sleep is a mum nap for me! No more real sleep.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 21/01/2018 17:47

And you know this is true because.......?

you sound like one of the dreaded school gate bitches.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/01/2018 17:50

I used to have a zizz with 3 year old dd plonked in front of The Sound of Music, to which she was addicted at the time.

TheHappyRedDragon · 21/01/2018 17:59

She has a three year old and is pregnant. It sounds like you need to be a supportive friend rather than judging her. My 2.5 yr old would be safe to be left downstairs to play; it’s just a shame she is much too clingy to allow me to have a nap!

jayne1976 · 21/01/2018 18:04

everyone who says it’s none of your business, would be the 1st to say ‘why didn’t you do something, if you knew what was happening?’ Certainly my thoughts when a man in the California case is dying he knew the kids were made to march around all night!
Can you make it casual and just say -where’s xx when your asleep do you put up a gate in to the lounge / does she not ever cry out and wake you? When you get a no, say oh isn’t that a bit worrying what she could be up to?

OpenthePickles · 21/01/2018 18:28

I didn't remove the child. The judge did (the petition to the judge was temporary removal to investigate the injury as there were 4 suspects, one of whom lived in the family home)

For all the people who keep repeating "I find it hard to believe a child would be removed for the mum having a nap".... The child also had an injury, please RTFT.

Lillithxxx · 21/01/2018 18:30

Jayne - don’t generalise about me. Thanks!

OpenthePickles · 21/01/2018 18:31

*And you know this is true because.......?

you sound like one of the dreaded school gate bitches*

Jesus ChristShock, some people on here are just beyond rude. That ^ says much, much more about what kind of person you are than I think you realise. And she knows it's true because the friend told her, she also told another friend that she does it. READ THE FUCKING THREAD!!!!!!!!

windchimesabotage · 21/01/2018 18:36

openthepickles then the child was not removed because the mother was having a nap when they knocked on the door. The child was removed because of evidence of abuse. '4 suspects' and only one of them actually in the house, implies that the abuse was deliberate not an accident caused by the mum dozing off on the sofa. So pp were completely right to not believe that the kids were solely removed because the mum was asleep on the sofa. There was clearly a lot of contextual info left out of that scare mongering post.

kaytee87 · 21/01/2018 18:39

My dad used to dose on the couch when I was 3/4 and watching Sesame Street. He probably wasn't fast asleep but it was fine.

OpenthePickles · 21/01/2018 18:45

windchimesabotage

So pp were completely right to not believe that the kids were solely removed because the mum was asleep on the sofa. There was clearly a lot of contextual info left out of that scare mongering post

Honest to God, what are you talking about? If people would RTFT they would have seen the bit about it NOT being only about 'napping'. If contextual info was left out ...how come I was able to see the other bits of info...Oh that's right, because I rtft.

MotherofaSurvivor · 21/01/2018 18:48

Tiptop You're a deluded idiot if you think a 3yr Old is safe alone in a house with stairs!!!

Daily Well said!!!! I wouldn't EVER dream of it. I cat nap on sofa sometimes but I'm sure as hell not asleep!!!! One eye open and both ears on alert the entire time! We have a tiny living room which she (DD - 3) cannot exit nor anything to climb. I wouldn't EVER do it in any other circumstances or when my DD was younger!

mathanxiety · 21/01/2018 18:50

Oblomov18 Sat 20-Jan-18 10:17:54
I find it odd to that almost the whole of this thread thinks a 3 year old can NOT play unsupervised

That is not what people are saying.

The problem the OP described was a mother who goes to her bed upstairs and sleeps for a couple of hours while her 3 year old stays downstairs or in fact, goodness knows where, in the house.

There is a big difference between being awake and responsive and getting on with your housework or sitting reading or playing on your phone while your children play somewhere in your home, and sleeping, upstairs, for two hours, so deeply that you need an alarm to wake you.

How many times have people on this thread been working away in the kitchen and have suddenly become conscious of a silence when their children have been playing, and knew something needed to be checked? Could someone sleeping on a different floor have that sixth sense experience? A woman who needs an alarm to wake her in time for the afternoon school run is not keeping one ear out for her child.

MinorRSole · 21/01/2018 18:53

@OpenthePickles none of that information was in the initial post. The sum of which was mum was asleep when ss came and child had 1 accidental injury. That was it. Even the extended information doesn't actually make any more sense, it perpetuates the myth that ss will swoop in and take children which is untrue

MotherofaSurvivor · 21/01/2018 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.