Friend sleeping with toddler still awake

[Pinkypieeyed]

Bit worried about a friend who is pregnant with her third. She has a 7 year old and a 3 year old. She's been going to bed in the day and setting an alarm to wake her up in time for the school run. However her 3 year old is being left to her own devices during this time. Should i talk to her or AIBU in thinking this is potentially unsafe?

Helping doesn't mean physically being they.

For all you know she's knackered because the 3yo is up all night. So maybe you suggest trying something that helped your toddler sleep.

Or maybe shes up all night in pain with spd so maybe suggest seeing gp or midwife.

Nobody is saying go and babysit. Just taking her like a normal person rather than running off to social services and causing her and her children potentially a lifetime of issues.

That's a definite red flag. You should never go to sleep whilst a toddler is awake, end of. I used to get cross with DH for dozing off on the sofa whilst I was in the kitchen preparing tea, when he was supposed to be in charge of the DDs. (They were 5 and 2 at that time.) I said to him, 'If you're needing to sleep, go to bed. At least I'll know that I need to keep an eye on them.' It's less of a worry now, as they're 8 and 5 and in school.

Accidents happen so quickly, you just can't be too careful.

I have napped with a young child in the house. I have either dozed on the sofa with cbeebies babysitting or put a dvd on in the bedroom and napped beside them while they watched. I would have set an alarm in both these situations just in case. My DC are all much older now and unscathed.

IF the story about the children being removed is true, it speaks volumes to suggest that SS haven’t really moved away from the draconian ‘child stealers’ of old - I was under the impression that support should be given to ensure parents can keep their children wherever possible; surely the mum would have been assessed for her health as a Pp suggested, had some support in the home/parenting classes etc before removal of a child? Yes. Judge made a final decision but it would be based on your reports and recommendations? So please take ownership of your decisions. A temporary removal to investigate an injury (which was accidental as you have stated) is one thing-permanent life changing removal into an under funded and resources system where care is often questionable is completely different. Now if you have drip-fed and these things did happen or there were other reasons why they were removed that may be different.
OP I think a discussion where you ask questions around the topic and get your answers on he circumstances is a good idea then you will know if there is a risk to the child or not

I have napped while putting young kids in front of the TV/ipad (probably age 3 upwards). However, they would be utterly engrossed in it so it never caused any problems.

@MsWanaBanana

Health issues are irrelevant really. You should not be leaving a 3 year old alone in a house while you are taking a nap. A person who is that sick should in no way be looking after a 3 year old. (I fixed your spelling..)

Your ignorance is astounding. No doubt you're in perfect health. I'm lucky enough to be in a much recovered level of having ME/CFS, so while @Mummyoflittledragon probably has to let your vile, stupid and senseless comment go to preserve her energy for what really matters, I can say something.

We are mothers. We are ill. We get on with it. We are the only mother our children have, and we are determined to deliver to the very best of our ability. Would you be as condescending and damning to someone with cancer? Actually, you probably would; that's more a reflection of your character than anything else.

Mummyoflittledragon has clearly said she has arranged her life to lessen the impact of her severe and life-limiting illness on her child. She's enduring something you have no concept of and delivering as a parent.

Health issues are never irrelevant. What a stupid thing to say.

My sensible little 3 year old is more than happy to watch some of a Disney film/CBeebies in the afternoon while I take a nap in order to make it through the day - if it's her one afternoon during the week that is spent without nursery or family visitors. I ask if she would like me on the sofa or in my bedroom (I am fortunate enough to be able to deal with the sensory pain having recovered from the hell of severe ME/CFS), and she often curls up or plays with her dolls quietly. The things she needs are easily accessible (cup of water, toilet clean and not dangerous, much like in nursery), and I'd wake anyway - the bonus of ME/CFS is that we're incredibly light sleepers and rarely rest. I'm only out for 20 minutes and then I can cope with the walk up to school to collect my 6 year old son, and the early evening session.

Even my crackers 6 year old son is practical and intelligent enough to know not to engage in anything that might need a grown up until I'm in the room and focused on him. Maybe you should raise your children with less of a hair trigger for stupidity, and with more common sense. Although, given your post, it doesn't appear they stand much of a chance of avoiding either.

I think it is within the spectrum of what a reasonable parent might do, depending on the child. However unexpected accidents are a risk. I remember on here reading about toddlers letting themselves out of the house/climbing ladders/running a bath (the near misses thread). I would raise it indirectly, not directly, and kindly.

My kids couldn't open doors at that age. Perhaps she's upstairs with gate closed and bathroom door closed

My 2, their eyes were glued to the tv, for hours and hours of mindless/Boring/tedious: fireman Sam/Thomas the tank/etc.
I'm sure I nodded off, with the tedium of listening to more Percy/Gordon/Fat Controller.

Excellent pair of posts from @bobstersmum and @PipGirl404 - thank you for flying the sensible flag. Sorry mine was more ranty

Tbf, it probably depends on the child. My DDs were very hard work as toddlers, there was no way it was safe to doze off. But with child that would be engrossed in CBeebies, then that that's probably ok.

And no, SS wouldn't remove the child for that. It would only potentially cause a problem if an accident actually happened, and that only if the hospital had concerns about the cause.

When dd1 was 3yo she liked to have what she called "Quiet time" where she went to her room with a few toys and played on her own. She had a digital clock and I'd give her the end of quiet time time-which she chose herself often. Sometimes I'd pop a head in to tell her it was over and she'd be happily playing and not want to come out.

Dd2 and ds didn't want, or need this. Nor would they have been safe doing it.

I find it odd to that almost the whole of this thread thinks a 3 year old can NOT play unsupervised.
Even dads aren't allowed to lie on the sofa, apparently.
News to me. I cooked many a Sunday roast with my 2 playing happily in their bedrooms. Unsupervised.
News to me.....

Same @Oblomov18

I also wonder how deep people are sleeping? I’m pretty sure I can wake at the slightest noise my child makes, I’m pretty sure that’s an instinct Mums develop? I often wake a few minutes before my child?

Opening myself to all sorts of abuse here, but I definitely leave my 5 year unsupervised for as long as she'll let me and for shorter periods my 3 year old (3 yrs 3 months). I am pretty strict with them about safety and they know the rules. I don't nap, but I don't have undisturbed nights any more so I don't need to. I might read or study in the other room. I also work night shifts and would have short naps if I had the kids, thankfully I usually manage to get alternative childcare when I'm on nights - it happens occasionally.
Admittedly this is mostly both of them so the 5 year old would tell me if anything unsafe were to happen.
Haven't had stairgates in a long long time, I think after 2 kids are safer learning to use stairs .There is absolutely no way they could get out the house, our doors are hard for an adult to open. Cupboards have locks.
Mine both get up at the crack of dawn and I've been trying to persuade them to go downstairs and play by themselves for ages, sadly they are not having it...
I also cook, garden, study for as long as they'll let me. The joy of having older kids not toddlers any more is being able to have a bit of breathing space I think.

Kids are extremely variable and I think you know how safe your kid is. I am lucky and mine are both reasonably sensible. I know 4 year olds who are complete nutters and I wouldn't leave alone for a second.

I'd be more worried about my poor tired mate than the kid really.

No wonder you're all knackered and OP's PG friend needs a sleep!!

I must have missed the 'notification'.
Of the change in parenting rules.

Yeah im a bit confused about the social worker story posted in the thread. I find it hard to believe that an otherwise healthy and happy child would be removed from an otherwise good mother simply because she fell asleep on the sofa once.... either thats completely not true or theres more going on there. SS do not usually go straight in for removing the child without any other steps being taken first unless there is massive danger to the child.
Also i want to know how that mother managed to sleep through repeated knocking at her door and calling thru the letterbox and her two children managing to rummage round the kitchen looking for keys...... doesnt sound like a normal situation.

I think the general view here is that this isnt a black and white situation and more context is needed to work out whether this is something that should be worried about or not. Things like 'how long, how often and how deeply is she sleeping? and is she still easily accessable to her child? how much has she safety proofed the house?'

Omolov I don’t think people are saying that. My nearly 3 yo dd happily plays unsupervised but not completely ALONE in a house. Which is essentially what they are if caregiver is asleep. You have no idea how deeply you’ll be asleep, or that you’d wake up in an emergency situation, especially if you’re in bed. It’s a risk not worth taking and I’m pretty laid back about kids being unsupervised!

Oh and when my kids have mates round, they generally vanish to their room for hours on end. I do not interfere!

Rumpled, the child isn't ALONE in the house.

I guess there is a difference between a short nap and a proper long deep sleep, which is why I try not to have them after night shifts (also I would kill them)

Some children climb through windows, escape, turn on ovens. Yes, we've seen the threads.
Mine never did. Mine didn't have accidents. Didn't stick their head in the oven.
Too busy glued to the year tv.
Plus, soon after birth Dh and safeguarded the house, in those days, put things on sharp corners, covered up plug sockets. I don't think people do that so much these days.

I wonder what harm you all think is going to come to these children. If you can't leave them unsupervised for one millisecond.

The difference, I guess, in my style of parenting is that I did go to the toilet. I did sit down happily and have a pooh quietly, I undisturbed, while they were sat watching TV or sat playing.

and I cooked an evening meal while they were playing around - in and out.

maybe your style of parenting is that you never leave a child unsupervised. well my style of parenting, and many others, was that we did.

maybe that's where it's changed.

I know that my mil, my own mum and both my grandmothers napped when they were pregnant/had new babies in the house and toddlers/older children. This was on the sofa though.

When I was pregnant with my second I would often fall asleep by accident and wake after a few minutes in a panic and have to go looking for my 2 year old. Once I was sat up right at the kitchen table!! Tiredness in pregnancy is different; it takes over you. However going to bed for 2 hours is abit much-I’m suprised her child leaves her alone that long!

Wow I do this a lot! I am a single parent to 4 I have no support and never and I mean never get a break. Baby is currently not sleeping till 1am!! After the school run I'm shattered so I come home and nap with the baby whilst 3.5 year old watches tv or plays on his iPad. I refuse to believe a social worker would remove children based on that alone. And before anyone suggests nursery that didn't work out.