DH rude to my DM

[TeaAndToast85]

Not an AIBU, more of a WWYD. I was FaceTiming my DM earlier as she was in mothercare, and wanted to show me a Moses basket. She suggested that she might buy it for us, and a cot too, which is really generous. (I am 26 weeks pregnant).

She asked if my DH was there, so I flipped the screen around so he could give her a wave, and he just sat there, PlayStation controller in hand, and stared at my phone. Said nothing, didn't live, just stared. My DB was in the room too, and looked really uncomfortable. I flipped the camera around to see my DM's face looking really hurt and confused, and it really upset me. I said something like 'someone's in a funny mood' to try to laugh it off, but it didn't work.

To avoid a drip feed, my DH has really not been himself recently, and has started seeing a counsellor. I think he basically has depression, but refuses to acknowledge it. He is functioning OK at work, but then comes home and is withdrawn and irritable. I am trying to be as supportive as possible, but he is shrugging off every effort that I make. I have had issues with depression in the past and want the support him like he has supported me, but we are very different people in that regard - he just wants to be left alone and can't bear any fuss.

I am upset that he was so rude to my mum, and is now making out that he didn't do anything wrong, and that I am making a big fuss of nothing. It's possible that I did go a bit OTT with my reaction, as I am pretty hormonal at the moment, and have generally been feeling quite unsupported recently. BUT I also feel guilty because I know he is really struggling with his mental health, and I should probably just cut him some slack.

WWYD?

If I was broken off from what I was doing and told to wave at a phone I would not comply. I'd think it was pretty rude.

It's entirely possible that if he was concentrating on the game he will have had no idea what was going on in your conversation.

Stop blaming depression and apply some basic courtesy, it makes life a lot easier for all concerned.

It didn't really occur to me that it was a big deal, my brother had a chat with her for a bit and then she asked to talk to him. I never thought that he would turn it into such a weird situation. He often hands me the phone to talk to his DM?

Handing a phone and video chat are a bit different.

So ones rude and the other isn't?

YABVU. If someone had done that to me, I'd have left the room. My DH would feel the same. How rude.

Your mother sounds needy. Why did she need to see your DH?

I really don't like video calls even when I'm ready for one. To have a camera flipped round to me would be a nightmare.

He might not have even been listening when she asked if he was there and a bit confused at what you were talking about. Especially when gaming!

I hate FaceTime and Skype anyway so I'd have been pretty annoyed too, bit different if they're in Australia but I hate FaceTime for people you see regularly!

Yabu. I wouldn’t like to suddenly be live streamed to another person. Giving an actual phone where nobody can see you to say hi is one thing but not put me on display when I’m busy doing something else without my permission.

It wasn't a major game, he was just mucking about and not playing properly. If she had popped into the room and started talking to him and he reacted this way would that make things different? I don't know, I just feel so emotional and confused now. I just went upstairs to try and talk to him and he's not having any of it

Your mother through it was appropriate to FaceTime from mother care? On that ground alone your DH was not being unreasonable.

How did you react? You said it was OTT?

Both these ^^. He's not a performing seal, he's a person with depression.

But he wasn't being asked to perform. He could have just said "Hello".

I'm not saying that. We are looking at a snapshot of something that in reality was blown out of all proportion by mum acting hurt and brother acting uncomfortable. No one needed to, it sounds very dramatic.
Chances are DH was playing his game, didn't realise the camera was on him and didn't wave in time. Or he didn't want to wave, it's odd and he's not a child. Or he was a little bit perturbed that DW and MIL were picking baby things without any input from him. Who knows? Either way it sounds like hysterics over very little and could have been sorted with a quiet word later surely.

@Valerrie she just wanted to see him to say hi. We do FaceTime quite a lot as a family as there are quite a few nieces and nephews, so the phone often gets passed around from person to person for a chat. Is this weird?

She was in Mothercare and yet needed to talk to all 3 of you?!

I understand you're probably feeling a bit emotional right now, but you really might be blowing this out of proportion. It's not like he told her to F off. It's not an unforgivable offence, probably more of a misunderstanding or mild annoyance.
For your sake op, let it slide x

I never thought that he would turn it into such a weird situation

I think YOU made it into a weird situation, not him.

Why post in AIBU if you're not going to consider you may have BU..?

I reacted by waiting until the car later and saying 'why were you so rude to my mum when you could have just said hello' and then he got angry and suggested that I was making a big deal out of it, and so I did what I always seem to do at the moment and burst into tears. What with pregnancy and being ill all week I'm not feeling on a very even keel.

He's struggling with his MH and you are struggling with hormones. Chalk this one up as both being OTT

I think you should probably apologise to your dh, you made him feel massively uncomfortable in front of a member of your family when he is feeling depressed, then you went ott with your reaction? Doesn't sound like your a very supportive person.

@Tistheseason17 I definitely am willing to be proven to BU, I just want to make sure that I have explained everything properly. Perhaps people are right and it is too intrusive to flip the camera round, it's just something that my family do all the time so it never occurred to me

Don't think I'd do anything, you know your husbands no feeling himself? Let it go!

I bloody hate FaceTime. DH’s parents FT a lot (they live abroad) and it feels like an intrusion into my life! Hate it when DH turns the camera round to me (especially when I was pregnant and they just wanted to look at and comment on my bump). So I understand why he might have been a bit put out to suddenly have the screen turned on to him.
However a quick hello or wave wouldn’t have been too much to ask.

(Splinters from sitting on the fence)

He got angry with you for just saying that?

@smudgedlipstick I think that I have been really quite supportive on the whole it's been going on for a month or so and I am trying to make things as easy for him as possible. It's just when I saw my mum looking confused I felt quite angry with him