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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this friend should not have cancelled

89 replies

willawonder · 19/01/2018 13:26

her daughter's birthday playdate at the last minute? This was planned two weeks ago. Our DDs (3 yrs old) are great friends and her DD was celebrating her birthday yesterday. We had planned a special lunch together at our place. She knows i made a huge fuss of birthdays and I had ordered a bespoke cake for her little girl, lots of '3' balloons, candles, special table decorations of her favourite characters. I had prepared her favourite lunch the evening before (after checking the afternoon before with her mum) to bake in the oven when she arrived. On previous playdates, i've always made a bed for her so that she can nap if required.

The reason she gave for cancelling is that her daughter's birthday party is taking place today and she felt that her DD was too tired to come to ours. She still took her to nursery however.

Luckily i've been able to cancel the cake!

AIBU to think that cancelling on the morning of this planned special playdate was inconsiderate? Not withstanding all the effort and expense, my own DD was really excited and was so upset when I told her it was cancelled.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 19/01/2018 13:29

Was your daughter invited to the party instead?

Appuskidu · 19/01/2018 13:29

Wow-you got balloons, special table decorations and a custom-made cake for someone else’s child? Did she know you did gone to all that effort and money? How well do you know her?

AuntLydia · 19/01/2018 13:30

Gosh. That's very full on for a friend. Do you think you have inadvertently overstepped the boundaries there? It is the friend's birthday after all and not your dd's.

Original poster
willawonder · 19/01/2018 13:31

She is a very close friend. Yes, my DD is invited to the party.

OP posts:
pinkie1982 · 19/01/2018 13:33

Is your child not invited to the birthday party??

Original poster
willawonder · 19/01/2018 13:33

It was my friend's suggestion to host the birthday lunch at ours as there is a big garden for the girls to play in. My DD was always invited to the party.

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 19/01/2018 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DriggleDraggle · 19/01/2018 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
willawonder · 19/01/2018 13:35

I hadn't told her about anything I had organised. It was just a surprise for her DD.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 19/01/2018 13:36

She knows i made a huge fuss of birthdays and I had ordered a bespoke cake for her little girl, lots of '3' balloons, candles, special table decorations of her favourite characters. I had prepared her favourite lunch the evening before (after checking the afternoon before with her mum) to bake in the oven when she arrived. On previous playdates, i've always made a bed for her so that she can nap if required.

Did your friend know that you had gone overboard to such an unusual amount of effort? Confused

Many folks wouldn't even go to these lengths for their own kids, let alone anyone else's.

ElenaBothari · 19/01/2018 13:36

I’m sorry but honestly if you were that OTT about my child’s birthday I’d be making excuses and cooking things off. It’s quite odd

ElenaBothari · 19/01/2018 13:37

Cooling, not cooking.

Wakeuptortoise · 19/01/2018 13:37

Sounds like you are stepping on some boundaries.

ButchyRestingFace · 19/01/2018 13:37

I hadn't told her about anything I had organised. It was just a surprise for her DD.

X post.

Well, in that case, YABU.

It would never enter my head that a friend would pull out all stops for someone else's kid on their birthday.

EchidnasPhone · 19/01/2018 13:37

Seems a huge over step on your part. Balloons, cake, table decorations is way over the top. If you’d done some sandwiches & a cup cake would of been more appropriate. Seems like you’ve railroaded her into throwing a party for her daughter before she could.

sonjadog · 19/01/2018 13:38

If she didn't know, you can't really get upset with her about it. Most people don't do all that for a friend's child so she is unlikely to have expected it.

ElenaBothari · 19/01/2018 13:38

You say she knew you’d gone to all this effort, but then that she hadn’t known about anything you’d organised. Which is it?

NancyDonahue · 19/01/2018 13:38

If she didn't know you'd gone to all this effort and just thought it was lunch, and that her dd would see your dd anyway at the party later in I'd say she wasn't being unreasonable. Maybe her dd didn't sleep well last night and needed a quiet lunch at home.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 19/01/2018 13:38

YABU. As far as your friend is aware she's just cancelled a play date. She's not a mind-reader.

scurryfunge · 19/01/2018 13:38

If the friend didn’t know anything about the surprise treats, etc then i doubt she felt undermined. Last minute cancelling is a bit rude though.

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2018 13:39

It was virtually another party!

livefornaps · 19/01/2018 13:39

Aw, you sound really nice!!!

Bring all the balloons round to the party

DriggleDraggle · 19/01/2018 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

x2boys · 19/01/2018 13:39

You made more effort for someone else's child than I would for my ownConfused

sinceyouask · 19/01/2018 13:39

If her dd is too tired, she's too tired. It's not like she knew of the extreme efforts you'd gone to, anyway.