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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this friend should not have cancelled

89 replies

willawonder · 19/01/2018 13:26

her daughter's birthday playdate at the last minute? This was planned two weeks ago. Our DDs (3 yrs old) are great friends and her DD was celebrating her birthday yesterday. We had planned a special lunch together at our place. She knows i made a huge fuss of birthdays and I had ordered a bespoke cake for her little girl, lots of '3' balloons, candles, special table decorations of her favourite characters. I had prepared her favourite lunch the evening before (after checking the afternoon before with her mum) to bake in the oven when she arrived. On previous playdates, i've always made a bed for her so that she can nap if required.

The reason she gave for cancelling is that her daughter's birthday party is taking place today and she felt that her DD was too tired to come to ours. She still took her to nursery however.

Luckily i've been able to cancel the cake!

AIBU to think that cancelling on the morning of this planned special playdate was inconsiderate? Not withstanding all the effort and expense, my own DD was really excited and was so upset when I told her it was cancelled.

OP posts:

Cornettoninja · 19/01/2018 14:13

I think singlepringle has it exactly right tbh.

Don't feel taken for granted, it's a rare thing to have a friendship comfortable enough that you don't feel obligated even when it's less than ideal.

I'm much happier seeing people I know wouldn't rather be somewhere else.

StarUtopia · 19/01/2018 14:14

Not sure I believe you've managed to cancel a bespoke cake on the day. They usually cost about £70+ and order weeks in advance...well, they do round here anyway.

I think you sound a bit intense - I really wouldn't like it. Just being honest.

Your friend has merely cancelled a playdate. Really not a big deal. You chose to go to extreme totally unnecessary lengths. Bit bizarre really.

PuppyMonkey · 19/01/2018 14:14

Sounds like you went a bit OTT for a little girl who's having a massive party anyway. The mum probably never dreamed you'd go to such an effort. If there'd been no other event planned, I might have understood you feeling you had to give the DD a treat. Lesson learned OP.

SendintheArdwolves · 19/01/2018 14:16

Luckily i've been able to cancel the cake!

I agree...what kind of a cake was it that you had to order and yet can cancel at such short notice?

(bimbles off to look for "AIBU client ordered a cake from me and now expects to cancel on the day" post...)

Viviennemary · 19/01/2018 14:17

She is Queen of the cf's. Wouldn't lift a finger to help her in future. What a lowlife. Find friends who will appreciate your generosity and thoughtfulness. She doesn't

Viviennemary · 19/01/2018 14:18

You cancelled a bespoke cake at no notice. That was cheeky too.

AprilShowers16 · 19/01/2018 14:19

Why don’t you suggest to her that you rearrange it for next week?

coffeeforone · 19/01/2018 14:19

YANBU to think she shouldn't have cancelled, but maybe she didn't realise you had gone to so much effort? I would have mentioned beforehand about the special cake and balloons TBH, it would still have been a surprise for her daughter. Nursery, all this at lunch and then a party seems a lot in one day for a 3YO, maybe in hindsight the lunch should have been arranged for another day?

Take the balloons to the party and let it go!

NerrSnerr · 19/01/2018 14:20

I’d feel uncomfortable if I turned up for a play date and it turned out it was like that, especially the cake- how much were you spending on that? It’s fine to cancel a play date at short notice as you don’t expect the host to have bought decorations or gone OTT with catering.

RhiannonOHara · 19/01/2018 14:21

But the friend didn't know about the OP's preparations for the playdate, did she? How could she judge if the OP had 'overstepped the boundaries' or 'upstaged' the party?

I agree with Andthatsthat, she's not really worth the bother.

SoftSheen · 19/01/2018 14:28

That sounds excessive for a child that is not even your own, especially when she had her own party that day anyway, and especially when she is only 3. Why on earth would you order a bespoke cake for someone else's child? It sounds like you were trying to upstage her party.

FilledSoda · 19/01/2018 14:34

I'd guess her mother gave her the heads up that you were going to spring this totally inappropriate OTT party on her.
You really need to rein that shit in , it's so intense .
No one wants their three year old to have a surprise pre party party.
Do you not see how cringe worthy that is ?
It isn't kind or thoughtful , it's awkward and controlling.

Original poster

willawonder · 19/01/2018 14:37

iatethepies - it is a local bakery and I'm a long-standing customer. They bake and decorate any personalised cakes on the day, so as I cancelled first thing and she is a nice lady, she was happy to cancel without any charge.

OP posts:

category12 · 19/01/2018 14:38

Crikey she's not your kid, you know.

Originalfoogirl · 19/01/2018 14:39

bimbles off to look for "AIBU client ordered a cake from me and now expects to cancel on the day" post

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/01/2018 14:39

How can she cool the cake and set the icing and pipe the name and have that set and then get the cake to your for lunch?

ArcheryAnnie · 19/01/2018 14:42

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if a friend put that much effort into a birthday lunch for my kid, I'd be delighted, and wouldn't consider her to have overstepped at all!

I'm sorry, OP, that your planning was wasted, but maybe your friends have realised that their daughter will be overexcited and need a bit less of a full-on day before her party.

AuntLydia · 19/01/2018 14:48

I think the problem is, it's unusual for a friend to go to that much effort with balloons, bespoke cake etc. Even if you know your friend likes to make a thing about birthdays you wouldn't necessarily be able to predict they'd spend that much money and time on a kids lunch. Op admits friend didn't know she'd arranged all that. So although a last minute cancellation is inconsiderate, she wouldn't have known how much it would have cost op.

WeAllHaveWings · 19/01/2018 14:52

Sounds like an inappropriate amount of effort for someone else child. I would not expect this and would be very awkwardly overwhelmed if someone did that for my dc and feel it was rather inappropriate as my dc already had a birthday party planned by me.

So going on the assumption your friend did not know, all she has done is cancel/postpone a play date as her dd is feeling tired. Which is probably just as well if she was going to be arriving tired to your "party" and add to the awkwardness.

Batmanwearspants · 19/01/2018 14:53

not really much of a bespoke cake if they back and ice on the day

Queeniebed · 19/01/2018 14:56

So she understood it was a playdate and you expect her to 'know' that you would do something special? Is she a mindreader? The surprise was for the DD but what stopped you telling the mum?

TheSpottedZebra · 19/01/2018 15:00

Oh OP, you've totally over-egged it with the bit about the cake. That just didn't happen.

NerrSnerr · 19/01/2018 15:03

Is the local bakery called Millie’s?

To think that this friend should not have cancelled

FurCoatFurKnickers · 19/01/2018 15:14

That cake looks a bit odd ^

iklboo · 19/01/2018 15:30

Furcoat - think NerrSnerr is cheekily suggesting the 'bespoke cake' was a giant Millie's cookie

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