To think that this friend should not have cancelled

[willawonder]

her daughter's birthday playdate at the last minute? This was planned two weeks ago. Our DDs (3 yrs old) are great friends and her DD was celebrating her birthday yesterday. We had planned a special lunch together at our place. She knows i made a huge fuss of birthdays and I had ordered a bespoke cake for her little girl, lots of '3' balloons, candles, special table decorations of her favourite characters. I had prepared her favourite lunch the evening before (after checking the afternoon before with her mum) to bake in the oven when she arrived. On previous playdates, i've always made a bed for her so that she can nap if required.

The reason she gave for cancelling is that her daughter's birthday party is taking place today and she felt that her DD was too tired to come to ours. She still took her to nursery however.

Luckily i've been able to cancel the cake!

AIBU to think that cancelling on the morning of this planned special playdate was inconsiderate? Not withstanding all the effort and expense, my own DD was really excited and was so upset when I told her it was cancelled.

Ah right, I've never heard of Millie's cookies - I thought it looked a bit bizarre!

You can't buy friendships. I've been there and done that. You always get let down in the end..

I think you meant well, but you got carried away organising so much for the child's birthday. Child's mum probably had no idea you'd gone to so much trouble. It does seem OTT. Hope they enjoyed the party today instead

You ordered a birthday cake for someone else's child without discussing it with her? If I'd got wind of someone doing that I'd have cancelled the playdate and would be distancing myself. That's massively overstepping the boundaries.

I think she probably didn't realise this was such a big deal to you.

I'd say she cancelled because you went so insanely over the top for 3 year olds playdate.
I'd cancel too, as I'd find you rather scary.

You are insane.
She didn't even know you'd done lots of lovely things / gone totally OTT.

It's simply a case of a friend cancelling because she thought her child would be tired - no big deal at all.

I think it's all a bit much for a friend's DD, even a close friend. I would feel a bit strange about it, and would wonder whether I would be expected to reciprocate on the occasion of your DC's birthday. Will your friend do this for your child ? Would you want her to ?

Is it a royal child?

3 year olds having plays dates are always flakey Ime and you went to huge amount of effort and expense for a 3 year old who sounds busy anyway. I'm sure your DC had a nice afternoon anyway with you, you could have dressed up as princesses and had a lovely time instead.

I would think you a bit odd and desparate for approval at being best ever mum/ friend because I would be unlikely to reciprocate frankly, what with 3 year olds being flaky with friends/ behaviour/ mum might not want to go/ have something else on she doesn't want to tell you about etc etc.

Oh OP I really want you to come back and tell us more!

Also I'm really confused with the timeline.
So was the birthday party yesterday or is it tomorrow?

Are you sure she didn’t know about your efforts OP? The lunch would possibly take the shine off the actual birthday party and celebrations she’d planned - maybe she didn’t want two big birthday celebrations?

her DD was celebrating her birthday yesterday.

her daughter's birthday party is taking place today

I had prepared her favourite lunch the evening before (after checking the afternoon before with her mum) to bake in the oven when she arrived.

She still took her to nursery however.

So she went to Nursery today?
They celebrated her birthday yesterday and had a party today and were supposed to have another party tomorrow?
You had prepared her favourite meal the day before? So the play date was today? When was the party? Yesterday or today?

Christ I'm tired from trying to figure this out, no wonder the kid was too tired to come to your house

I don’t think it’s her fault that you went so overboard!

Play date cancelled at 24 hrs notice - fine, what's the problem?

She knows how much you like to go overboard on birthdays - but why would she automatically translate this into her somehow telepathically knowing you had made that much effort? I wouldn't assume that would extend to my child regardless of the fuss you make for your own child. In fact if you did that I'd be embarrassed and probably a bit annoyed as child might come to expect it.