Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit work with baby

78 replies

DontWannaThanks · 19/01/2018 12:27

I had my baby son 6 months ago now and still haven't taken him into the office to visit, which is the norm at the company I work for

I feel a bit bad as they got me lovely presents when I came off on maternity leave. However day to day Im not close to anyone at work, never really took part in conversations etc as I have nothing in common with any of them and they had a style of "banter" I just don't get or know how to chat like. So generally I kept myself to myself, though was always polite and professional and just got on with work. Also it's an open plan office so everyone all talks as a group (12people!) and no privacy for one on one chats and I'm quite shy til I feel comfortable with someone.

If I go in everyone will get up and come over and stand around me asking questions and the thought fills me with dread. I just can't bring myself to go! I'll be starting back end of February though so don't want it to be awkward. I have had a few minor health issues through the last 6 months too mental and physical

My AIBU is if you worked in my office and had contributed to getting presents etc would you feel annoyed they didn't visit with baby?

OP posts:
blueyacht · 19/01/2018 12:32

I'd be glad if a colleague didn't visit with their baby as I don't want to see it. Saves me having to pretend to be on the phone.

RatherBeRiding · 19/01/2018 12:36

I actually don't like "baby visits"! But you have to pretend that you do and politely coo over the baby. Personally I'd rather just contribute to the present/write in the card and look at pictures when the person comes back to work.

It might sound awful but I'm not really interested in other people's babies.

FloydOnThePull · 19/01/2018 12:40

As long as you said thank you for the gifts then that's job done, no guilt required.

Like blueyacht I can always find a phone call or a meeting that comes up urgently when people turn up with babies in our office, I find it really odd and wonder why it's seen as the done thing. I'm happy to send a few pics when our DC arrives but there's no chance he'll be accompanying me to the office

AuntJane · 19/01/2018 12:43

I'd prefer it if you didn't. A visiting baby causes distraction and disruption.

Smidge001 · 19/01/2018 12:45

I hate babies coming into the office. I have never heard of anyone getting annoyed about not seeing a random colleague's baby. Confused.
In my advice, keep away and just go back to work on your own after your maternity leave is up. If anyone asks, you can always show them a photo.

towtrucker · 19/01/2018 12:45

God no!! I still haven't and mines a year old! Grin
I couldn't bare the pass the baby crap and people you hardly know cuddling and kissing your baby. Plus there's a creepy lady who would kiss everyone's babies on the mouth and shove her finger in their mouth when she held them... even after being asked not to!!! Fuck that!!

Original poster
DontWannaThanks · 19/01/2018 12:45

Sent mass email with pics and thanking them when baby was born so no guilt there.

Weight off my mind :) thanks all

OP posts:
Yeaididthat · 19/01/2018 12:46

I also loathe baby visits, they're awkward for everyone involved.

lapetitesiren · 19/01/2018 12:47

No one will judge you if you don't but some people will be delighted if you do. If you do keep it short, just drop off some nice biscuits, let people ask his name and say how cute he is and leave again.

user1474652148 · 19/01/2018 12:48

If you have sent a thank you for the gifts then definitely don't do the baby visit. Absolutely not. You can return to work and show them a photo if they would like to see it. Otherwise keep the two entirely separate if you are comfortable that way.

Velvetbee · 19/01/2018 12:49

I probably wouldn't notice. It's nice to meet other people's babies (briefly) but I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.

phoenix1973 · 19/01/2018 12:49

Baby visits should be banned.
Its not like they can talk or anything.

Alittleconcerned1980 · 19/01/2018 12:50

Don’t give it another thought
I certainly doubt they’ve given it any.

Lottapianos · 19/01/2018 12:51

I'm another saying go ahead with your plan to not visit. Anyone in your office who is secretly struggling with infertility, or ambivalence, or just doesn't like babies will be immensely grateful Smile

LondonHuffyPuffy · 19/01/2018 12:55

I also hate the baby visits. Not only is it quite distracting, but (from a purely selfish point of view) it just reminds me that I can't have kids.

Those that would be delighted to see the baby have a few minutes of cooing and cuddles then go about their day. They are not going to fall apart if they don't get to meet him or her, whereas those of us who struggle with it a bit spend the rest of the day feeling a bit... shit. I genuinely am happy for colleagues who have babies, I just don't need to meet them.

TwinklyGiraffe · 19/01/2018 12:58

Other people’s babies aren’t really that interesting!

Bluelady · 19/01/2018 12:58

Just show them pictures when you go back.

MagicFajita · 19/01/2018 13:00

I didn't do the baby visit with ds because when I had a late miscarriage years ago those visits broke my heart. I avoided the staff room for months in order to cope while I recovered.

My partner hasn't brought ds to work because the last thing he wants to do on his day of is travel for an hour on public transport with a small baby.

You're right to leave it op , do what you want to do.

Lottapianos · 19/01/2018 13:00

'whereas those of us who struggle with it a bit spend the rest of the day feeling a bit... shit.'

Indeed. Or hiding in the toilets and crying, or having to invent an urgent meeting just to get out of the office Sad

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 19/01/2018 13:00

I'm always "busy" when people come in to work with babies. Someone has to serve the clients when everyone else is cooing over them.

When I was pregnant I showed a bit of willing and went to see the babies.

I did go on with mine. But I'd have preferred not to.

Don't feel the slightest bit guilty.

moita · 19/01/2018 13:01

I took my son for lunch with a few close work friends when he was about 4 months but never went into the office with him.

I really wouldn't worry.

FilledSoda · 19/01/2018 13:04

They won't have given it any thought at all, neither should you.
I don't know why it's even a thing, it's all so fake imo.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2018 13:04

I think it depends on the office. We were a small office and close, we liked seeing each others babies. But there's no obligation and if you aren't close they surely wont mind

Queeniebed · 19/01/2018 13:05

I cant imagine people would judge you. It took me 4 weeks to bring DS in and that was after a good work colleague reminded me (nagged) :)

divadee · 19/01/2018 13:05

Do what you feel is right for you. No one is going to be angry with you if you don't.

I love baby visits personally, and when I was lucky to have my baby last year people all asked me to take her in. I left it a while as I was poorly but I know for a fact some people would of been disappointed.