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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit work with baby

78 replies

DontWannaThanks · 19/01/2018 12:27

I had my baby son 6 months ago now and still haven't taken him into the office to visit, which is the norm at the company I work for

I feel a bit bad as they got me lovely presents when I came off on maternity leave. However day to day Im not close to anyone at work, never really took part in conversations etc as I have nothing in common with any of them and they had a style of "banter" I just don't get or know how to chat like. So generally I kept myself to myself, though was always polite and professional and just got on with work. Also it's an open plan office so everyone all talks as a group (12people!) and no privacy for one on one chats and I'm quite shy til I feel comfortable with someone.

If I go in everyone will get up and come over and stand around me asking questions and the thought fills me with dread. I just can't bring myself to go! I'll be starting back end of February though so don't want it to be awkward. I have had a few minor health issues through the last 6 months too mental and physical

My AIBU is if you worked in my office and had contributed to getting presents etc would you feel annoyed they didn't visit with baby?

OP posts:
Beingmethistime · 19/01/2018 13:06

I didn't (I had 2 children whilst at the same workplace) and I'm pretty sure no one was bothered (although I suspect some were relieved).

I'd seen a few other bring in babies before I had my first and there was one woman who always took it upon herself to take the baby and show it round the office (insisting that any female should 'have a hold') even if it was asleep. When I was pregnant she handed me a sleeping baby when I was in the middle of an important phone call 'to give me a bit of practice'. If she'd done that with my child I'm not sure I wouldn't have slapped her.

TeachesOfPeaches · 19/01/2018 13:09

I have a 2 year old and never bothered as I could always hear the business owner getting annoyed when colleagues brought theirs in.

scoobydooagain · 19/01/2018 13:09

Wouldn't worry about it , I am not a fan of baby visits, actually the only visit that my whole office genuinely enjoyed was a new puppy visit!

maddiemookins16mum · 19/01/2018 13:13

I like baby visits 🤗. That said, and no offence intended, it's six months now so tbf I think they'll have 'forgotten' any expected baby visit.

wiltingfast · 19/01/2018 13:23

I like baby visits, but I certainly wouldn't notice if someone didn't bring their baby in and I would be wasting any thoughts wondering why not or taking offence.

Personally, I didn't bring my own babies in for example. I had no real personal connection with the team I was in at the time, and I just didn't want to. The team I'm in now is much more connected and I would probably have brought them in as I know they are actually interested.

Personal choice in the end. Don't worry about it and certainly don't feel you have to.

tillytrotter1 · 19/01/2018 13:23

When teaching I didn't like 'baby visits', too disruptive, all the class would want a look! More than that though I loathed baby visits by pupils, some still technically at school, I was once told off because some child had complained to her mother that I wasn't enthusiastic enough to see her baby! All I could see were £ signs on my tax bill.

Finderscrispy · 19/01/2018 13:24

You’re worrying about it more than they are. Just wait till you go back and show them a few pics if they ask.

Ellendegeneres · 19/01/2018 13:29

I only took mine in cause I had to for personal reasons, as in I was in the building all the time. I didn’t pass him around, nor did I expect others to fuss over him (I actually had him in carrier a few times to stop all that)
Never bothered when someone else bought their baby in unless I was close to them, in which case I’d have met baby before that anyway

HazelBite · 19/01/2018 13:30

Those who are really interested in other peoples babies are very much in the minority.
As long as you sent an email after the birth with a cute photo that is sufficient in my book. Also this time of year with all the coughs colds etc I would not be wanting my baby being passed around!

On one such visit many years ago I was passed a small baby belonging to one of my colleagues as I took it I was about so say "oh he's lovely" and started to say "Oh he's....... but I was so surprised and taken aback that he was the most unfortunate looking baby I had ever seen, basically quite ugly, all I could say was "Oh, he's a..... baby", I felt so silly and embarrassed, and I'm sure the Mother thought I was completely deranged.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/01/2018 13:32

Finderscrispy. is quite right.
A new nice pics ( phone video if ness) and a bit of cake should do the trick.
I absolutely hated my visit, long tube journey with small baby, and then baby got passed around and grabbed like a doll. Some were lovely but some couldn't wait to and make crap patronising "jokes". Only went in because called in to discuss return to work, which was 3 minute discussion could have been done by phone. avoid!

idontlikealdi · 19/01/2018 13:42

New baby visits are totally cringeworthy.

MinesaPinot · 19/01/2018 13:50

I don't like any child visits to be honest. Whilst I love children I really don't think an office is a place for them when people are trying to work. We've got a female solicitor who thinks we want to see her little darlings at any given opportunity, and my heart sinks at the sound of little feet running down our floor (god I sound like a misery!).

Conversely, one of our partners brings his dog in who is an absolutely joy!

FuzzyCustard · 19/01/2018 14:22

Now, if only people did kitten visits I'd be all over them, but not babies, no.
Please don't give it another thought OP. Your baby is not office property.

Kitsharrington · 19/01/2018 14:23

Lord, for the sake of your colleagues, DON'T!

Unfinishedkitchen · 19/01/2018 14:42

I don’t like baby visits and find them awkward. I have no interest in my colleagues relatives and their new baby is about as relevant to me as their dad and I wouldn’t expect them to bring their dad in! However, as others have said I’d love it if someone brought in a kitten or puppy!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/01/2018 15:51

I just can't imagine why a dog would be more welcome than a newborn.

What about meeting your colleagues who you'd like to catch up with at a nearby cafe, less stressful than the office and no negatives around. You're not mummy v workers then, just people in a cafe and the ones that come are more interested in you and your baby. Congratulations by the way.

RatherBeRiding · 19/01/2018 16:04

We've had a couple of puppy visits at work - they were wonderful! Grin But then I work in the rural sector and the place is crawling with dogs anyway.

Alison100199 · 19/01/2018 16:37

Very few people like baby visits but most are too polite to say so. I used to loathe them when I worked in an office. Send thanks for the presents and stay away.

Skarossinkplunger · 19/01/2018 16:43

Interestingly I find baby visits really annoying however I do think that if it’s the done thing in your workplace and people have bought presents then you should do it or you may be considered rude.

StealthPolarBear · 19/01/2018 16:46

" I wasn't enthusiastic enough to see her baby! All I could see were £ signs on my tax bill."
Ouch.

StealthPolarBear · 19/01/2018 16:47

I love baby visits but if someone didn't bring the baby in I'd assume they would find it difficult for some reason rather than feeling snubbed or slighted

Heatherjayne1972 · 19/01/2018 16:53

I promise absolutely no one sits at work wondering why xxx didn’t bring their baby in
A Thankyou card/email is plenty

liquidrevolution · 19/01/2018 16:53

I never went in with DD. Id also been off sick most of the pregnancy so didn't see colleagues for over a year.

SendintheArdwolves · 19/01/2018 16:57

I loathe baby visits and always just keep out of the way, so YANBU, OP.

Thinking about it, it's always the mothers who are expected to lug the baby in - I've never worked anywhere that a father brought his newborn in and handed it around.

Why is that? It can't be about the your co-workers being desperate to meet your baby, since that would apply equally to male and female parents. Are men thought to have better things to do with their time, or is becoming a parent just seen as less of a big deal if you're male?

MissBeehiving · 19/01/2018 17:01

Last baby visit we had was 4 hours long. Shock Please spare your colleagues the pain of having to feign interest Grin