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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit work with baby

78 replies

DontWannaThanks · 19/01/2018 12:27

I had my baby son 6 months ago now and still haven't taken him into the office to visit, which is the norm at the company I work for

I feel a bit bad as they got me lovely presents when I came off on maternity leave. However day to day Im not close to anyone at work, never really took part in conversations etc as I have nothing in common with any of them and they had a style of "banter" I just don't get or know how to chat like. So generally I kept myself to myself, though was always polite and professional and just got on with work. Also it's an open plan office so everyone all talks as a group (12people!) and no privacy for one on one chats and I'm quite shy til I feel comfortable with someone.

If I go in everyone will get up and come over and stand around me asking questions and the thought fills me with dread. I just can't bring myself to go! I'll be starting back end of February though so don't want it to be awkward. I have had a few minor health issues through the last 6 months too mental and physical

My AIBU is if you worked in my office and had contributed to getting presents etc would you feel annoyed they didn't visit with baby?

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 19/01/2018 17:05

I'm a teacher and took my newborn into school this week... was nice seeing my colleagues and showing off my beautiful baby! But we all love a baby in my school so no worries about him being a distraction!

But I wouldn't worry OP.... esp as no one seems to like new baby visits anyway according to the responses!

SnowGoArea · 19/01/2018 17:06

Sendin My DH was badgered to bring in our baby to his work. We popped in together once when we were passing and were basically pounced on by a hoard of delighted and cooing women Grin It was lovely, kind of! He worked with only women, all of whom had completed their own families a while back.

Piffpaffpoff · 19/01/2018 17:07

We weren’t allowed to take babies past reception for H&S reasons. Which worked out quite nicely as most people went in to meet someone for lunch and anyone who really wanted to see colleague or baby could nip down and say hi. People who didn’t, didn’t have to pretend to be on the phone, they just didn’t go.

StealthPolarBear · 19/01/2018 17:11

Where I work all three recent new fathers visited. The latest one has visited a few times.

MissBeehiving · 19/01/2018 17:12

I feel obliged to coo over a colleagues babies though even though I really have no interest in otherwise it looks a bit churlish. Would be so much easier to ban the visits 😊.

UmmKultum · 19/01/2018 17:15

Goodness, some people are such grumps! It's lovely seeing colleagues' babies. That said, wouldn't think twice if someone didn't bring in their baby. Don't worry about it! Both options are fine

SnowGoArea · 19/01/2018 17:22

I also find it lovely to see colleagues babies UmmKultum, but I don't think it's fair to label those that find it distressing as grumps Sad

Mogginthemog · 19/01/2018 17:23

I adore babies and baby visits. Looks like I’m in th minority here though.

If you don’t want to take DS in then that’s fine. Sounds like you were very grateful for the lovely gifts so anything else is an extra. Especially bearing in mind all the flu, colds and horrible D&V bugs lurking around.
When you go back show pics to anyone who asks, take some cake in perhaps and job done.

UmmKultum · 19/01/2018 17:24

I dont see anyone describe it as distressing.
Just mean comments about not being interested in colleagues' lives and preferring animals to babies. Very british.

peachgreen · 19/01/2018 17:32

My plan is to send an email round to everyone who contributed to my present saying that DH and I will be in nearby cafe on X date at lunchtime if anyone wants to pop in and meet the baby. That way anyone who really cares will come along and nobody else will feel pressured!

peachgreen · 19/01/2018 17:33

Having said that, DH's coworkers (smaller office) have already made him promise to come in!

SnowGoArea · 19/01/2018 17:39

No I suppose nobody used that word, that was my interpretation from those that had mentioned their own fertility issues making it hard for them to see colleagues' babies.

FuzzyCustard · 19/01/2018 18:08

Ok, everybody send their babies round to umm's office!

Greyponcho · 19/01/2018 18:20

ummkultum it’s distressing for some people especially if they’ve suffered loss or can’t have children. It’s about having some sensitivity for those, instead of parading a baby around - “here is what you can’t have”.

LaurieMarlow · 19/01/2018 18:29

I love a baby visit personally. I still remember the day that four came at once. Grin

But if you don't want to, don't. It's not compulsory. The vast majority won't really notice whether you pitch up or not.

UmmKultum · 19/01/2018 19:55

No one's mentioned distress due to infertility, just a dislike of seeing colleagues' babies. Obviously if someone is struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, any contact with babies, not just visiting colleagues must be handled sensitively according to individual preferences. That's different to what is being discussed here.
Actually im not a baby cooer normally, prefer older kids who can speak. But i am a supportive colleague and love seeing their families.

Lucylululu · 20/01/2018 07:11

I didn't know this was a 'thing'. I only took the baby to the office because I needed to get something and had nobody to watch him. I'd not take him in just to say hi!

Pengggwn · 20/01/2018 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScreamingValenta · 20/01/2018 07:20

It's nice to see a colleague (you like!) who's off on mat leave; seeing the baby is neither here nor there - as the baby is too young to do anything other than sleep or cry, it isn't able to contribute to the occasion, so could equally well be left at home if someone can look after it.

greendale17 · 20/01/2018 07:29

However day to day Im not close to anyone at work, never really took part in conversations etc

^Based on this I doubt anyone would be expecting you to bring the baby in.

greendale17 · 20/01/2018 07:34

**Greyponcho

ummkultum it’s distressing for some people especially if they’ve suffered loss or can’t have children. It’s about having some sensitivity for those, instead of parading a baby around - “here is what you can’t have”**

^Parading a baby round? People in my office bring in their baby because their colleagues like them and want to see them and their baby.

Darkstar4855 · 20/01/2018 07:35

Baby visits can be really hard for anyone who is struggling with miscarriage or infertility and often you won’t know who those people are because it’s not something we tend to talk about.

On the other hand I can imagine a new mum feeling lonely or isolated might really benefit from seeing colleagues and it’s a good way of keeping in touch if you are planning on going back to work.

So there are pros and cons but if you don’t feel that YOU want to then yes, you are fine not to do it.

greendale17 · 20/01/2018 08:47

Thinking about it, it's always the mothers who are expected to lug the baby in - I've never worked anywhere that a father brought his newborn in and handed it around.

^My husband took our DS to his workplace at the request of his colleagues

HerSymphonyAndSong · 20/01/2018 08:55

UmmKultum You have clearly not read all the posts

HerSymphonyAndSong · 20/01/2018 08:59

My colleagues at the moment are some of my closest friends, so I will see some of them outside work after the baby is born anyway. But what usually happens in my office is when someone has a significant birthday or retirement or similar then they will have cake and coffee and will invite those on ML etc to come along if they are available. So there is a good opportunity to bring the baby along and there is no extra disruption

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