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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that PILs are thoughtless (rescue dog related)

36 replies

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 19/01/2018 08:37

DH and DS (Just turned 2) have gone about 250miles away to stay with PIL for 2 nights. First time in a year. I am home with a tiny DD.

For back ground PIL lost there beloved dog last spring and we lost a wonderful dog just before Christmas. She was DS's best friend and we all miss her.

Anyway I just spoke to DH and PILs are bringing home a rescue dog today! I mean WTAF!!! They haven't had a dog in a year and they decide the first day of a 2 day break with there 2 year old screechy, excitable, into everything DGS is the best time to bring an unknown dog into the house.

Presumably the dog has been given to them as it needs a quiet couple like home. How scary and shit for it to have a toddler in the house for the first 48 hours! It will make it so anxious.

I'm not too worried about the dog biting my toddler as DH will keep them apart but thats not relaxing is it and will be upsetting for DS who will cry and upset the poor animal. Having said that its tough to watch children constantly and its a risk i'd rather not take.

DH reckons he can cope and won't ask them to pick the dog up on Monday but how stupid. Why couldn't it have waited?!?!

Its just so thoughtless for all concerned. I've told DH that if the animal is too nervous or there is any upset to come home. FFS. Thanks for the rant.....

OP posts:
socksandpants · 19/01/2018 08:49

I can't think of anything right about this scenario.

New dog in new house with unknown temperament.
Possibility of horrible things happening from wees to biting
Something else to occupy PILs rather than their grandson.
Even if everything goes OK, DS then has to leave an animal he has played with and can't take home with him.

I think it's selfish and ignorant of them.

KimmySchmidt1 · 19/01/2018 08:52

Your PIL are incredibly ignorant and stupid. It’s at best inconvenient and distracting for everyone, and at worse stressful and dangerous. They shouldn’t be putting your. Hildnornthe dog in that Situation. Can’t you put your foot down and do the trip another weekend once the dog has settled in?

Are your PiLs children? It’s an incredibly childish decision.

Original poster
Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 19/01/2018 08:55

Kimmy I would but they arrived late last night and it was announced this morning!!!! Bonkers!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 19/01/2018 08:57

Thanks for your replies good to know IANBU!

OP posts:
whiskyowl · 19/01/2018 08:57

Honestly, what is WRONG with people?! Of course YANBU, this is a stupid idea.

Could it not have waited two days?

placebobebo · 19/01/2018 08:59

@socksandpants
Your first two points are valid concerns. The rest is utter tripe.

It would be more sensible for your in laws to pick up the dog after the visit. Especially as like you have suggested it requires a quiet environment. The first few days in a new environment for a potentially nervous dog is not the time to introduce small children. While your DH I am sure can manage the situation, the whole scenario could make the dog more fearful of your ds and prevent future visits from being calm and accepting.

whiskyowl · 19/01/2018 09:02

Are your PIL like this in other ways? Does everything have to be done to their timescales/needs/desires, with no regard for anyone else? Are their routines and ways of managing more important than other people's wellbeing at other times?

Original poster
Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 19/01/2018 09:03

I've asked DH to leave if the dog is nervous. But I'm just so shocked that they haven't thought it through.

OP posts:
RicottaPancakes · 19/01/2018 09:11

They probably thought it would be fun for your DS....

Original poster
Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 19/01/2018 09:13

Ricotta - You are probably right. They love him very much. But I'm thinking about the dog too.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 19/01/2018 09:14

Did the PILs thinking maybe go 'Oh but it will be so lovely for grandson to meet and play with the dog!'
I agree it's a stupid idea though.

Ellie56 · 19/01/2018 09:20

Maybe it is a dog that is used to children?

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/01/2018 09:22

I am sure that they are just excited to get the dog home and excited to have grandson there and thought he'd love to see dog especially as it may be another year before he is there and will meet the dog. They also maybe didn't want to leave the dog in rescue for longer than necessary.

I am sure there is no malice intended and they've probably said to rescue centre that they may have small children visiting when requesting a dog.

I think you just have to go with the flow. Do you know what kind of dog it is?

onalongsabbatical · 19/01/2018 09:30

Is your DH going to be good at evaluating the situation and willing to leave if he's not happy with it?
YADNBU, OP, I'd be really upset being so far away from DS of just 2 and worrying about this. Have they not even considered the angle of the stress this is going to cause you until DH and DS are safely home?

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/01/2018 09:32

Depending where they have re-homed it from they could have met the dog several times and know it's temperament.

They probably thought your son would love to see the dog.

socksandpants · 19/01/2018 09:35

placebobebo LOL! Gosh, do you have a soul?!

TickyTakky · 19/01/2018 09:38

If there is space in the house it might not be a problem at all. I'm sure they thought your GS would love to meet the new dog.

It really just depends on the dog.

Is not recommended that people with young children take on rescue dogs?

RaspberryBeret34 · 19/01/2018 09:38

YANBU, they're ridiculous for bringing the poor dog into that situation and stressful for everyone to have to keep 2 yo and dog apart.

If I was your DH, I'd speak to them from the pov that it may be hard for the dog to settle in with a noisy toddler around and suggest they all go and visit the dog and take it for a walk then pick it up on Monday. That's what I did a few times before we took our rescue dog home (I'm assuming the rescue allows this!).

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/01/2018 09:39

I've been in similar situations. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you kick up a fuss and nothing happens then you are accused of making a fuss about nothing - even though you are clearly alerting people to the danger who otherwise would not have even thought about it. If you keep quiet and something happens ... well.
Try texting calmly and clearly to OH. "Please ask your parents to pick up the dog later. You can all visit it if you like but it's not a good idea for either DS or dog for reasons I've explained. I'm alone here with DD and I won't have a moment's peace for worrying abou tthis , so please set my mind at rest and do what you can. Id even text your concerns to PILs "Im worried about my toddler DS near a new nervous dog in its first day in a new house." Please could you set my mind at rest by delaying the dog's arrival for two days. I say text because people often just don't listen and you've put it in writing in simple terms. Best of luck.

IrianOfW · 19/01/2018 09:41

They thought it was an ideal time because the grandchildren would be excited to see new dog especially as you have lost the dogs in your family recently. TBH I suspect my parents would have done the same - GP are frequently guilty of nothing more than forgetting how different small children are from older ones.

IrianOfW · 19/01/2018 09:42

And agree with others - depends on age and temperament of dog.

Dixeychick · 19/01/2018 09:44

My PILs would do this sort of thing - for some weird reason the dogs always come before the GF (or anyone else, in fact). Whenever my DS does something funny they always come out with 'oh he's just like the dog' or 'oh the dog does that too!' - ffs! He's not a dog! And when my DS was a baby they completely refused to shut the dogs in another room despite them being large, boisterous rescue dogs who jump up & are pretty out of control. My MIL, when having chemo, ended up getting evicted to the spare room because the dog had had a minor operation & needed to sleep in same bedroom as FIL. At Christmas when we were over, we did a facetime call with the other relatives to say hi, and FIL spent about 30 seconds with the phone held up to my DS & then spent the rest of the call showing the family the dogs & fish. It drives me crazy but I've learnt that they're never going to change, so I never let DS go to their house without me or DH there, invite them over to ours (too small for the dogs to come too) as much as possible & keep sensible limits on how much time DS spends with them.

LillianGish · 19/01/2018 09:50

It's not just a random dog though is it? Often rescue dogs are more of a known quantity than a new puppy. Presumably they've already met the dog and have asked for one suitable for a home with children (otherwise I agree it is a bonkers thing to do). Your DS is not scared of dogs - quite the reverse - so your PIL probably thought it would be nice for him. If it's a huge problem DH can come home.

Pearlsaringer · 19/01/2018 10:01

Also agree they will have thought it would be a treat for your DS. Misguided but well intentioned. Don’t be cross with them, let your DH deal with it tactfully. All will be well, enjoy your time with new DD Flowers

cantucciniamaretto · 19/01/2018 10:13

I know the assumption is that in laws are hideous beasts that are barely human and therefore always wrong, but there is a tiny possibility they have thought this through and know what they are doing.
It could be a very calm dog that has been well socialised with children. Rescued dog does not automatically mean cowering in a corner afraid of everything. Ours was great with kids and a delight from day one.

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