To ask what a perfect Mil would be like?

[Bluelady]

As I'm about to become one and see them getting so much flak here, please tell me how I should behave so I don't piss my dil off. Serious question.

Don't be passive aggressive to your DIL and don't pick and choose what family events she can be involved in or not - either she can always or she can't.

A PP's post on ex MILs has reminded me that while I was glad to eventually split with my first bf (I was one of those kids who stays at home for uni and never goes out and has the same bf all the way through) I was gutted to give up his mum as a potential MIL! She was so nice. I sometimes have her come up as a suggested friend on FB but I'm too shy

A dead one?! Joke. Kinda.

• don't repeat yourself 50 times over just to make a point
• if your DIL says no, the answer is no, don't go behind her back and ask your son the same question expecting a different answer
• don't constantly drop hints about when you will be asked to move in. You won't be
• don't ask for her leftover food, especially when she's just had a baby!

Be nice, be kind, be supportive, be non judgemental and follow their lead and their hints! :) congrats on becoming a mil!

Dead

Listen:don’t impose views, particularly when it comes to babies/very small children

Offer to help but don’t be offended if it’s not wanted.

Invite your ds and dil to your house but don’t expect them to come on the same day(s) each week. It become burdensome to have to go somewhere with such regularity

Don’t just turn up at their house with an invitation or at least calling before check they’re in/not busy.

Treat them and any children they have equally to any other of your children/dgc

Yep.Following orders or dead. Jesus Christ- listen to yourselves!

Rebecca
stranger
How nasty.
No need for that is there?

Just be yourself and don't try too hard to be best friends with her. It's a tricky relationship and it takes time to get to know each other. It hasn't worked out all that well with my MIL, really because she tried too hard and I found it suffocating.

Please don't do any of the following

• wipe your finger along window sills and sneer if you find dust
• insist on having a joint bank account with your son " so you can see what's going on"
• don't try to choose the curtains, wall paper & furniture for your ds's house
• don't change the sheets when you go to stay "just in case" when they had been put on freshly ironed two hours earlier

Unless you wish to cause a divorce of course....

Gawd, I haven't thought about my ex-mil in a long time. Writing it down, it looks like some ghastly 1980s sitcom.

I miss my late mil. She was lovely, took the time to talk to me, phoned me for a chat and listened to me. She was a lovely lady and I miss her so much.

Don't pester them about grandchildren and accept it if they don't want to have kids at all.

It’s fascinating that all these posts are about what a mil should do to be acceptable. Nothing about how the dil might meet her half - or even a quarter- of the way.

Quite a lot of these posts were about how wonderful our MILs are. Fascinating that you missed that and only focused on the negatives.

I am very lucky as I get on great with my mother in law.

She is easy to chat with, and we speak every day. We will phone each other just for a chat, without there being a specific purpose. (I speak to my mum every day too though)

There is about 20 years between us but we have similar taste in clothes etc, so will get each others advice on clothes shopping.

I see her near enough every day as she brings my nephew to our house in the mornings, to walk him and dd to school. I see her more than my own mother who I only see once or twice a week, even though my parents only live 2 miles away.

She can sometimes interfere a little eg say things to people before I would like, (nothing personal just organisational things), but means well.

We would be lost without her childcare wise, but she loves having the grandchildren and is at a bit of a loss if she goes too many days without having them.

It works both ways as there are other things that we do for her -I will pick things up at shops she does not want to drive to. I do online ordering or put things on my storecards and she pays me back, we let her know when we are going on day trips so that she can join us and for the past two years has come on holiday with us. (my idea).

I am not saying we see eye to eye on everything, but realise we are very lucky to get on so well. She also gets on well with my parents.

Mine is amazing.
She does so many kind things for me. I spent a lot of time with her before having my son. Now I spend time with her with my son. I see my MIL basically every day and we text all day long small updates etc.

My MIL drops everything to help us (I'm sick and sometimes she needs to come in the night to watch Alex)

She does not criticise how we parent our son, she follows the way we are, which actually is no rules.

She's taught my son how to pet the dog, walk a dog, she takes him out with his dolls pram on walks.

She gives me support when I don't know how to handle things.

She tells me the truth

She doesn't rush any of us

She lets my son take any toys out he wants

She cuddles him non stop

She always listens to me when I'm scared or worried

She supports me and my husband when we struggle

She makes me laugh all of the time

She gives amazing advice

She is so affectionate.

I love her so so so much and she is fantastic as my parents live in Switzerland. She is another mum.

5 years with my husband and no fights with her yet!! She's the best and I am very lucky.
I spoil her with love and attention and I take care of her just as well as a daughter would.

I welcome her time in my life because she has only got good intentions. Yes she is with us often. Yes she sometimes says to change Alex's clothes so he is more comfy. But honestly she is amazing