To yearn for a simpler life?

[Misty9]

Busy life with two young kids and jobs etc. I'm about to finish my current job and find I'm yearning for something different from just getting another post and continuing in the rat race. I'm tired all the time, don't get outdoors into nature enough, could eat better and have various minor health complaints. I have visions of living somewhere more rural, perhaps by the sea, and just leaving behind the capitalist culture and spending and STUFF as much as possible. Sadly dh doesn't share this vision so I feel stuck.

Does anyone else yearn for a simpler life? Or found one?

Oh yes. Reality is a pain.

Yes. Part of me thinks that one day I will run away from everything and go and live a simpler life. I have a few family members that have.

@misty right there with you. I try to get away from London as much as possible, work from home and have another home in a very rural area outside of England. It didn’t cost much at the time to buy and it preserves my sanity.

I sound deranged when i say this out loud to friends but i am allergic i mean i feel aaaaaaaargh to the commute in London. Cannot do trains or tubes in rush hour avoid it all costs and wonder how i used to do it everyday!!

It is worth it to get away from the rat race cycle in my experience. I see it as self-preservation tbh!

Yes it sounds like bliss!

Balance is hugely important, kids are only little for a very short amount of time I’d hate to have been so busy i missed it.

Hmm. I used to live in London and now live in fairly rural NW England. There's less traffic, less noise, less pollution, fewer people and I can see the mountains and the sea from my window.

But... that doesn't cancel out capitalist culture, I'm afraid. You don't acquire immunity to advertising or social media or the need to earn money and buy stuff just by living by the seaside!

Could dh take a sabbatical for a year?

I'm more thinking a different country eolian but I'm not sure if even that would achieve what I want.

Dh is self employed and his job is entirely portable. He just doesn't like change..

That sounds lovely lemon and we have pondered a holiday home/bolthole, but it's out of our reach financially. Perhaps a beach but?!

We are lucky to be able to afford nice things- but spending money just makes me feel anxious and inadequate. I can't really explain it very well. I feel I've lost my soul I think, and I'm not even sure what nourishes me.

Beach hut!

Could you afford to take a break from work for a while and have some time out before a new job? Or go part time?

@misty9 beach but / hut anywhere but the city!

Have you been on holiday in the place you are considering moving to? I agree with a different country, sometimes getting away completely is what you need just make sure time zones are good for your dh. I’m currently thinking of doing a year in iceland - 2019. Would be good for work for me and it’s easier to go when you think of it as temporary. Could you rent out your own house first and try for 6 months / a year?

Sometimes the reality doesn't always reflect the dream. It's all very well to dream of a rural type life but it doesn't suit everyone especially if you've never actually tried it. Sometimes you spend money on luxuries because you earn it from a job you hate. And you might be better with less money and a job you enjoy. But think carefully before you make any drastic changes or decisions.

I’ve done it! I left the Rat race, the long hours, the death stares from colleagues i left the office before 8pm! I quit, moved to the countryside, now self employed in a crap job that I quite like.

I sold my jeep & bought a little run a round, I never buy design anything anymore (couldn’t afford it now anyway) in fact I don’t realky buy anything & I couldn’t be happier. I really felt like consumerism was eating me from the inside out. I worked in a very showy/shallow who can spend the most money career.

Do it.. you won’t regret it!

The grass is always greener

I think everyone feels like that sometimes, but I can also understand that your dh doesn't want to uproot his life. As a first step, I'd recommend a camping holiday. Not the right time of year, I know, but it amazing how relaxing it is to just get away somewhere without phones and internet and where you have to go to sleep when it gets dark.

Escaping to the country (or seaside) is a cliche.

I have a version of this. I live behind the junction of two A roads in a big city and sometimes I feel really claustrophobic. I’m not sure I want to be rural but I can’t help wondering if I would feel better being somewhere I could breathe a bit more. I think the thing is though sometimes it’s hard to separate whether what is actually bothering you is to do with your surroundings - you know the old adage about taking your problems with you, would it just be the same feeling with a different background?

I can’t relate to your post in terms of wanting to relocate as I’m happy where I am, but in terms of ‘stuff’...
Dp is more materialistic than me by far. He likes ‘the finer’ things in life and I’m not bothered.
Other than our essentials being good quality (cooker, dishwasher, washer and dryer, Vacuum) I’m not bothered about much else.
But he wants the top of the range telly, expensive surround sound, biggest sky package, underfloor heating, posh cars, best quality oak flooring, fancy clothes etc, all the things that, while nice, I could do without.
He works hard to afford all this, he pays for it all. I also work, but in a low paid job.
I have come to the conclusion that I’d be happy for him to find a new job that was less stress and less hours and we could lose a lot of that superfluous stuff and still be happy. He wants it though, so will carry on as he is. As will I!
We’ve reached a comfortable equilibrium!!
To me, stuff is stuff. To him, stuff equates success. We will never agree on this but have both reached a point where we no longer have to justify our reasons to each other. I just accept that he’s happy to work hard for the material stuff.

Trying to book in 'stop and smell the flowers' time into your week is crucial to your wellbeing.

The Conyo house has been going through the flu for the last 3 weeks. The house is a state, everyone is exhausted and on antibios, the dog needs a serious walk through the woods, our diets are shot to shit! But i'm clinging to that thought of walking the dog, meeting a friend for coffee next week, getting to the library to pick up season 4 of House of Cards.

We aren't broke but we aren't flush and getting out into nature is our biggest pleasure. Woods, hills, the beach. 6yo has a special bag for collecting treasures (pine cones, seashells, driftwood, stonesbunny poo thpught they were chocolatrs ), he has walky talkies for running off, binoculars for looking at far away ships etc. He never gets bored.

Simple pleasures are easy to find. We don't do soft play but we take ds to his friends' houses and they come here - an afternoon of runing around someone else's house and playing with different toys is just as exciting as a manky ball pit.

I didn't work when the kids were young, we lived in a lovely little village with a great school, Our needs were simple. I didn't want to work and all the stress that carried. We were not well off , but OH made enough to support us. It was lovely.
My youngest is 17 and I still have a simple life.
Gym or yoga 3 mornings a week.
I have a small business that I run from home making craft items, that takes 15-20 hours a week, I spend time playing around with new ideas, photographing stuff. I live surrounded by ancient woodland.

Life balance is very important to me.

I've heard a lot about going off grid - by which I assume people live out in the sticks with no electricity. I wonder where people do this?
I would love to own a hut in the woods away from everywhere to visit now and again to recharge.

Rent yourself a holiday cottage in the shite weather part of the year before doing anything permanent! We moved from south London to the north coast of Scotland 10 years ago, as DH's mum was getting elderly and needed a family member close by. I'd only ever visited between December and February, so was prepared for the weather, but if I'd moved there having only seen it in summer I'd have probably turned round and gone home again. Even now, November is a huge struggle for me mental health-wise - we lose 2 hours of daylight over the month (we get down to just 6.5 hours between sunrise and sunset at midwinter) and I'm usually struggling through calf-deep mud with wheelbarrow-loads of wet horse manure in driving rain and 50+mph winds, trying not to get a wellie stuck and go facedown in the muck heap, and making sure none of the sheep have blown off the cliff. Most years we'll hit 90-100mph wind speeds and it's pretty scary to be lying in bed at 2am feeling your house shake.

sumo I suspect the realities of going "off grid" are a lot less comfortable that the idyll.
I don't really want to spend my day foraging for roots or fermenting my own dung so I can have light at night.
Communities exist for a reason.

Although I take your point.
I don't thrive in the city. It was great when I was younger, but these days I prefer a quieter existence,.
I hear no traffic from my house, we have deer coming into my garden and the only noise I hear at night are owls.
Having said that I can be in the heart of the city in 20 minutes if I want to be.
So a good balance.

Rural is not necessarily idyllic.

Broadband speeds can be rubbish, (rubbish enough that a 30 second Facebook video takes 3 minutes to load & watch!) no mobile phone signal. Roads get blocked easily by snow/fallen trees etc. No mains gas, maybe no mains water.

Villages can be very lonely places. No local services- having to drive everywhere.

Yes it's quiet, but it's also quite inconvenient.

(I love it)

Sounds like you need a holiday. Somewhere remote. Is that possible?

well buy less stuff and eat better then. It's not hard.