To yearn for a simpler life?

[Misty9]

Busy life with two young kids and jobs etc. I'm about to finish my current job and find I'm yearning for something different from just getting another post and continuing in the rat race. I'm tired all the time, don't get outdoors into nature enough, could eat better and have various minor health complaints. I have visions of living somewhere more rural, perhaps by the sea, and just leaving behind the capitalist culture and spending and STUFF as much as possible. Sadly dh doesn't share this vision so I feel stuck.

Does anyone else yearn for a simpler life? Or found one?

I think the relentless grind of modern life feeds this cycle of discontent.

I have a similar DH and feel like you. I am making small changes.

I know I could live very rurally but DH would struggle so we moved from the city to the outskirts of a little town. Can be very rural in minutes but easy commute for DH. I'm retraining so I can work anywhere - eventually. I'm very interested in buying less and DH has his big telly...but slowly he is moving my way and we are trying to spend less and live more simply.

We often holiday in the far north - and it definitely "resets" us in terms of lack of wifi/shops etc.

Lowdoorinthewal1 yes- I can resonate with that.

My local town sounds similar, a small Boots, butchers, hairdressers, bakers, charity shops, WH Smith, Stationers, small shoe shop, Morrisons. Nothing is expensive, nothing aspirational.

I don't think I could spend much there even if I tried.
I did go shopping in the city before christmas and walked down the swankiest street on my way to a shop. I looked in the window of Louis Vuitton and Harvey Nics- the prices made me laugh.
If rich people are happy to spend their money on such overpriced stuff they don't really need then good luck to them.
I don't know anyone personally who shops there and it doesn't impact on me.
I am happy in my bubble .

I moved from London via a couple of cities to a fairly aspirational Market town and I really like the pace of life here. It's 5 minutes walk to cafes and shops, there are arts and cultural activities, nice countryside to get out into so I do a lot of walks for socialising, and you bump into people you know a lot so it feels really friendly. I couldn't live in the countryside as I grew up there and the lack of friends and opportunities was crap, so a town is a happy medium for me.

amicissima what a sad story

You don't necessarily have to move miles to have a simpler life. I think there's a trap in that thought, and it sometimes leads people into drastic measures that they later regret. See if you can't increase your happiness and wellbeing by making small changes first

You can certainly work on the reducing consumption bit and living more simply without moving house. Focus on the changes you can make right now: eating better, moving more, getting outside.

I think it's a bit idealistic to think you can just move to the country and live the River cottage life. It's a nice daydream but the reality is probably very different.

Yes It's not about moving to a place . I think simplifying is a mindset. You can change your lifestyle anywhere though it is easier when you don't come across things to buy. ( I used to shop when I lived in London but moved to a place with no variety and overpriced goods so avoid buying as long as I can) The idea of buying more stuff leading to happiness seems ludicrous to me now, I think reading some books on this helps you see through it. I can't remember the titles except ' affluenza' Alain de Botton. I liked ' In Praise of slow' which is good to think about how to simplify.
I think it's easier to live simply when you avoid advertising too. TV on Netflix so no ads.

You just sound really burnt out - which is probably fairly normal with a ft (?) job and young kids. We moved to another country which might be a bit more extreme than what you are looking for! Any major shopping is now an hour away and even that is not very extensive - locally (30min away) we can buy food, very basic clothes (supermarket), and home maintenance stuff, or lots of tourist tat. My kids aren't old enough to get too much peer pressure yet re stuff but I suspect it won't be too bad when they are - people seem more focused on outdoors and sports.

We do both work full time (partly because I enjoy my job) but I have been quite strict with myself not to get sucked into unpaid overtime (not necessary but can be expected in my field and I deliberately didn't pursue the level of job it would be needed for). Our commute is ten mins so we can be swimming or walking in evenings with kids or at lunchtime. I do still get tired and ideally would drop a day or so a week. We could afford this as living costs lower but not really possible in my job (I'd end up doing same work and trying to make up in time off) and also part-time work seen as a bit weird here - I'm working on them .

I guess it is just finding the right balance for you and your family. It may be you can do this without moving or you might need to relocate. Hope you get some thinking space. Our move happened when I was made redundant which gave me some enforced thinking time and a really nice break .

I live in a Northern English city. You can see the hills from pretty much most spots in the city. The coast is about 45 mins drive away.
Whenever I visit London, what I hate most is not being able to see a world beyond it.

Have you ever tried meditating OP?

We moved to Dorset 7 years ago from the South East. Half a mile from our nearest neighbour but a farm shop and pub within 10 mins walk. No mains gas or water. Our water is piped directly from a spring at the top of the lane. Broadband ok and stunning countryside and about twenty minutes from the beach. The wildlife is lovely - we regularly see deer and foxes in our garden.
I work from home for a charity, DD gets picked up by bus for the middle school every morning and DH has a less well paid job in the NHS in the nearest town but starts early but is home by 5 every day. We do spend less than we used to (we earn less, too!) and life is much less frantic. Village life can be great but it can be a bit bitchy too. Lots of driving but no traffic jams.
It's not always picture perfect but the pace of life suits me and I wouldn't move back to a busier area.

There are stresses wherever you live. I live in two locations: a commuter market town in the SE of England and a farm in Scotland. At the moment with all the snow everything's a struggle. Delivery people can't find us because SATNAV. The big bonus is no one cares what you look like.

Suggestion get an allotment or join a group that grows veg\flowers\chickens

You can swap food and ideas

You can make veg soup and freeze it
Make other meals and add "stealth veg" and freeze
Make strawberry smoothies or fruit dishes in summer

Also great way to meet people

Secondly, find something that you enjoy doing and make time to do this regularly "me time"

Most towns have parks so you can enjoy walks, bird watching, nature watching, geo caching, picnics in the summer

taytotots I think you're right, I am burnt out. I got very stressed almost to the point of a breakdown due to work (different job) last year and I think perhaps I'm not as recovered as I thought. Moving countries is exactly what I'd like to do actually, but dh is having none of it. The kids are 6 and nearly 4 so I think it's the best opportunity we'll have before school pressures, and I'm not talking about permanent but just a year or so to have a different experience. I also wouldn't expect it to be the answer but I do think it would help me to feel a bit more alive.

With the consumerism aspect, it's not that I feel inadequate but more I'm overwhelmed by how much choice there is and can't make decisions for fear of getting it wrong. I get research-itis and end up with nothing!

I also don't think moving to the countryside is the answer; moving anywhere might be necessary for me to have a career in the NHS, and I'd like to try a town rather than city, but like I said dh doesn't want to so I need to think of other avenues for the time being. Which brings me back to having little energy!

I do try mindfulness but tend to fall asleep... sigh. I'm difficult, I know.

Dorset certainly seems popular! I'm looking into getting a house near a beach there for the summer holidays. But it's £££ and would be cheaper to fly to somewhere like Sri Lanka and rent there! Picking my moment to work on dh...

I do try mindfulness but tend to fall asleep... blush sigh. I'm difficult, I know. Easily done. Sitting up, away from your usually sleeping area can help. Someone gave me a good tip about imagining the flame of a candle with your eyes closed, or even staring at a real flame.

Yes, I do mindfulness every day- when I am stuck in traffic, waiting in a supermarket queue, you can be alert and still practice.

That's it speakout

OP I totally relate to what you are saying and we are going to be leaving

We don't even have a garden, bummer. Anyway, do you live in London and have you seen the London Plan? It covers a lot more than London, so more areas will be ruined, do have a look. Also lots of land bring built on around the country do many things to consider.

One thing I'm not clear on from your posts. I hate consumerism with a passion but because of that I find I don't tune in to advertising but it sounds like it affects you quite a bit. ? I'm wondering why that is, do you feel some kind of pressure to conform?

It's important to tune out a lot of this stuff. I won't pretend I don't get annoyed some times but you said you get anxious about it?

I know what you mean about the pointlessness of work etc

I hope you find a compromise with your DH.

I feel for you OP. You sound run down, exhausted and fed up. That's understandable as you have a stressful job, two young children and are at that time in life when 'what if' alternative life scenarios can easily creep into our thoughts more than they should. I think you need to try and make more time for yourself, get out in the fresh air more and just stay away from shops, adverts etc. Focus on the good things you have - a good career, healthy children, a happy husband. Its easy for things to get us down at this time of year when it's dark all the time. I hope you feel better soon. Btw a move to the country is absolutely not the answer if you don't both want it. We tried it and failed -my DH and the great outdoors were not at peace with each other. Also you don't need to get caught up in consumerism, that is something you can control.

I'm so with you OP! I'm exhausted! Burnt out and all I want is to spend time with my husband and gorgeous children. I'd give everything else up in a heartbeat.

OP, it does sound like burnout. It is totally understandable when your children are young and you are constantly juggling with very little free time and headspace.

It does not sound from your posts that you know what you want. Perhaps you just want all this to stop. But are you running away instead.

The only thing I'd say is it does get easier. Life really started to improve when my youngest was 5.

Don't make drastic decisions that uproot your dh from where he is happy unless you are absolutely sure you are moving towards a solution rather than just running away from a problem.

OP re: consumerism you need to be a satisfier not a maximiser https://gretchenrubin.com/2006/06/areyouuasatis/ - I had this problem (my DM is the world champion maximiser) but since I recognised this and swapped my decision making strategy it's made everything a whole lot easier.

This is an interesting thread.

OH and I have considered this over the years. He grew up in a rural area and I in a large town, which we live in now. We are near beaches and forest, but the traffic is hell commuting. OH would be off like a shot if he could, but finding work is the issue (we also rent too, which is cheaper in rural areas usually but the jobs don't pay as well, so no extra benefit financially).

I must admit this winter has driven me nuts (and I live in the south!) and the prospect of retiring/moving somewhere sunny is appealing, however to complete go off grid and away from capitalism would take really hard graft-it doesn't happen over night! You have to be prepared to get your hands dirty and sacrifice a lot. Even keeping animals comes with expenses, like vet bills etc.

I have decided that I still like being near the town and luckily, have the best of both worlds. I have some nice countryside nearby and the variety and choice that comes with living in a town. The only thing I would change is being able to get a mortgage (too expensive for our salaries) and not seeing any sunlight mon-fri in the winter. House prices have been a big factor in us considering moving, but I think it's also important to be around family, so probably won't take the plunge and move rural after all. We are choosing between getting on the housing ladder and living in a good area with family nearby.

If it is capitalism and the constant bombardment of shite from the media that's getting to you, I would say you do have a choice and can decide to not partake in it. I used to be quite good at being frugal and not caring about money, but it has creeped in again since having a child, as I am trapped - as most people are - in thinking that you need to provide more than the essentials.

You do... I think the best thing for one's own mental health though is to be clear that you have values outside the grind and consumerism. So you may well buy X for your kids because of peer pressure etc, but if it's clear in your head that this is not the hymn sheet you personally are singing from and not how you judge value, you feel better about yourself.