To yearn for a simpler life?

[Misty9]

Busy life with two young kids and jobs etc. I'm about to finish my current job and find I'm yearning for something different from just getting another post and continuing in the rat race. I'm tired all the time, don't get outdoors into nature enough, could eat better and have various minor health complaints. I have visions of living somewhere more rural, perhaps by the sea, and just leaving behind the capitalist culture and spending and STUFF as much as possible. Sadly dh doesn't share this vision so I feel stuck.

Does anyone else yearn for a simpler life? Or found one?

Follow some homesteaders on YouTube for the ups and downs (albeit US ones). Maybe you can find some tips to incorporate into your life.
Try growing your own veg in pots if you don't have room. Very satisfying to grab some home grown spinach and cherry tomatoes to add to your lunch. Costs very little and gives you a sense of being part of something other than the rat race.
Winter is a great time to plan.

You need to find what nourishes your soul

I've lived very rurally and then in towns and cities for over 40 years before moving to London. I am entirely nourished living in London because of the work and activities I do.

I would say I don't live a rat race/capitalist lifestyle but that would be weird as we all do to some extent.

Join the things that nourish your soul - book groups/running groups/ Craft groups - there's so many free lectures and courses if you're in a major city.

Unfortunately we are in a capitalist country so opting out is only partially possible unless you leave the system completely by moving to a country not ruled my capitalism, can’t beat the system staying here

All the time but there is no "outside" to capitalism. There is no escape from its effects and from its demands. If such a place existed then capitalism would collapse, not because we'd all escape but because the logic of capital is always to expand into or exploit non capitalist systems to its own advantage.

But yes, I'd love to escape it.

OP you have a lot within your grasp to change.

Change your diet, start getting out at weekends, you can create your own reality to a large part.
Do inspiring things. Read inspiring books.

If I feel blocked I grab a large handful of rosemary from the garden and boil it in a pot to fragrance your home.
I have been drinking fresh thyme tea and honey for a cough atm.
No idea if it works, but nourishes my soul.
Go for a brisk walk. Play uplifting music.

Stop buying stuff you don't need.

There is a brilliant documentary on Netflix at the moment called Minimalism: A documentary about the important things.

DH and I watched it together about 6 months ago and it has really changed our lives. We have got rid of mountains of stuff, started saying no to commitments and keeping lots of time free for us to just potter about, reduced the kids activities and given them more time to free play and really started thinking about purchases which has made a big impact on our finances.

May not be for you but gives some great ideas about how to free up space, time and money to let you focus on what you want to prioritise in your life x

I often think that most problems have been caused by us moving so far away from what is natural for us. I think that technology is causing us all to be more unhappy. I think it steals the peace from our lives and causes far more stress that massivley outweighs the social benefits of our phones/tablets/computers. I also think that the fact that processed food is far too easily available is to blame for obesity. If we had to create everything from scratch I don't think anyone would be obese due to the effort involved. I think the fact that most people have to travel for their work rather than filling a role in their local village is bad for us too. The stress of the commute and the disconnection with home is unpleasant for many people.

Sorry, I could go on, but basically I believe that if we returned to a more natural way of life, we would all be happier. Of course that would involve giving up the technologies that save lives, but I honestly think that the earth can't sustain us all living this long or having this many surviving children, etc etc. We are living in a wholly unnatural way and I think it's only a matter of time before it all blows up around us.

We moved abroad for a better lifestyle. It's been the right choice for us but its not for everyone. Its impossible to avoid the rat race completely as we still have jobs but we have so much more time for hobbies/activities/spending time outdoors and I like that.
If your DH can work anywhere, maybe compromise by renting your house out and getting a seasonal job abroad for a summer/winter to see how you feel about it?

All I want is to move somewhere remote. Farm our own food and really have time for each other. I hate having to schedule in an hour to play with my own child.

YANBU, life feels far too complicated. I love hearing stories from my mum about how life was for her growing up. It sounds idyllic. That said, there were a lot of hardships too. Life always seems greener doesn't it!

Me
I earn a lot and spend a lot because I need to outsource life to fund life. Yes no logic at all- ie cleaning childcare etc
Would love to escape for a bit, although tbh the reality is I grew up in a nice house but with no money as was never able to do anything and swore my kids would have different. So what I think I need is a 6 months practise sabbatical to see if that's how life really is! Also hugely aware nice chilled life do s is boring as hell for kids once they reach teen years spent teen years with unsuitable young farmers

What Stormwhale said.

I feel your pain op. I know I'm having a bad day when I find myself looking at Crofts for sale in the Hebrides.

Then I remember the dc's.....

Interesting views, thanks. On my phone so not easy to scroll back and name check, but to address a few points:

I don't spend money on things I don't need, but I don't even spend it on things I do need as I find consumerism too anxiety provoking!

I have various dietary needs and eat as well as I can in a busy lifestyle - and tbh I often lack the energy to properly plan food. Menu planning is the bane of my life sometimes.

I don't think the 'seaside' is the answer to my problems, and one of the things stopping me doing anything drastic is the fear of 'wherever you go, there you are' - but this feeling of restlessness is hard to ignore.

It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by distress for my work and it's hard to get away from how hard life can be- and how much worse things are getting for the vulnerable.

A holiday. Yes I love those but not quite the same with young dc! Would love to go travelling but hey ho. I will have a gap before the next job as my career opportunities where we live are severely restricted. And I know I'm.lucky to have the option. I need to think how to use that time to nourish my soul and not feel too guilty for not contributing to the rat race I think. I need to feel alive, and currently I don't really. Cheesy I know.

OP could you cut back on work?

Quit the rat race while staying where you are? (As you say you have money for nice things) so, cut your spending and bills, be frugal and take a job that allows you more time with your young kids?

situp thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out. Though dh is already minimalist enough - the kids know if they don't play with something for a couple weeks, it'll be on the way to the charity shop!

I would love to get a seasonal job abroad but dh isn't a fan of travelling. I've suggested spending the school holidays in a remote country living by the sea. He's not keen and needs a decent broadband service for his work.

I already only work part time. I'm just so bloody tired all the time I couldn't contemplate full time. All physical health checks have revealed nothing btw.

Everything Stormwhale said

I think some of this is the relentless grind of having small children. Once they're a little more independent and don't have calls in your time constantly life becomes a little more satisfying; you'll begin to have time for yourself again.
How much of the load does your partner pick up? 10-20%? 40-50%? It makes a huge difference!

I'm more thinking a different country but I'm not sure if even that would achieve what I want

Reading this, I think your DH is wise to be cautious. Running away from your current life isn't always the answer. You take yourself with you. There's a risk that you would relocate and still feel dissatisfied in your new home. Better to work with what you've got and make small, gradual changes to your lifestyle

Yes - we even moved to the countryside some years back (to be fair it was the village I grew up in and we moved to be closer to family not just to "return to nature"). I got chickens and we both had visions of growing veg, working less, taking long walks, etc...

It was AWFUL! The nearest supermarket was a 30 min drive away. We needed the car to go anywhere. Growing vegetables is hard work and takes a lot of space and unless you are very committed and really very good at it it you can't grow enough with enough variety to actually feed yourself. Then there is canning and pickling.... The chickens laid eggs like they were going out fashion we ate them, gave them away, had honesty boxes to try to give to neighbours and we were still DROWNING in eggs. Walking is great when it is sunny but to be honest we did no more tramping around the hills than before.

After a year we moved to a small town nearby. We have a Costa (which I rarely go into but it is there!) and shops and a pool and just stuff. The town is much cheaper than our original home outside London so hubby was able to give up work, my wages pay the mortgage and I work full time from home and we bought a caravan and go away most weekends to enjoy nature and walks and stuff.

In my experience the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but it still needs mowing!

Reading this, I think your DH is wise to be cautious.
Yes, I think he is too, hence being happy with the idea of a summer away or something instead. I think a big part of the issue is that dh is completely fulfilled and happy so sees no need to change anything...

That’s hard then Op, if dh is completely happy. How old are your dc? Are they settled in schools etc? Are you close enough to the country side to get to somewhere rural at the weekends to see if that lifts your spirits?

What's your work and how does it surround you with distress? Is there any way you could change that aspect of it? I appreciate that you probably can't if your eg a mental health nurse, but if you're a teacher working in a PRU you might be able to, or if you're a legal aid lawyer helping abuse victims you might find other specialisms easier on you mentally etc.

You need to define "a simpler life" for yourself.
Self sufficiency is bloody hard work but you can look at small projects that work for you and the family. Veg gardening is one. Really small scale. Like a couple of buckets to grow spuds or carrots. Nothing mega. It feels nice and has its own rhythm and ups and downs. And it's yours. Not Sainsburys/Aldi/ wherever. Yours. Even for one or two meals. Kids love it too.