Inappropriate cashier

[Kentnurse2015]

Throwing this out as DH thinks I am unreasonable

3 year old gave cashier the ham she had carried around the shop with her. Cashier scans it and hides it. Says she can only get it back if she smiles.

Cashier a stranger to DD so she won’t smile. Asks for her ham. Cashier then says she will only get it back if she gets a kiss.DD turns away. I say to her she doesn’t have to and says to cashier ‘she is shy’ to avoid conflict’

Female cashier continues to say she wants a kiss. DD hung around my legs by now. Cashier comes out from around the till, kneels down to my DD’s level and kisses her on the cheek despite my child saying no and me saying she doesn’t have to.

Cashier wasn’t English but European. My DH thinks I am overreacting. A culture thing. I think a child saying no means no. I also tried to put her off without making a scene. I want my child to know they can say no to an adult. I see this as quite serious and DH thinks not.

AIBU? I know I probably should have said no much more forcibly but that would have made a scene. My child was saying no.

Well it’s frankly bizarre and I wouldn’t be unhappy. If my child said no to a family member I would expect that to be respected let alone from a bloody stranger.

*would be unhappy

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. Really really inappropriate.

It's very odd, I worked retail and never knew a cashier to act like that. My partner is in management in retail and would not be happy with a cashier pushing like that. I would put a complaint in, it may be a culture thing I don't know but if you complain at least she will get some training on what is appropriate.

Your not being unreasonable. That’s just weird. Why the hell would she persist, especially after you saying she’s shy.

I would have a quiet word with a manager, that's quite weird behaviour and would make me uncomfortable too. Fair enough if she'd asked for (rather than demanded) a high five or complimented kiddo's coat or something but that's just creepy.

That is bizarre. I think I would have made my point more strongly if I were you though.

It was inappropriate and probably misguided on the cashiers part but a simple 'can you please give back the ham' would have solved this

Your child said no about body contact and the cashier ignored it.

I know what that's called, as do you.

So weird!

YANBU
It's recommended to let a child refuse any type of touch from anyone (even family members) as it helps them to see their boundaries can be respected. It teaches them that no means no if as parents we support this.

I think I'd have a word with the manager. Not an official complaint though.

My DS was never comfortable with this kind of interaction from strangers and I understand that feeling of not wanting to cause a scene especially when you know people are well meaning but you do have to develop a tougher skin.

I would start with 'translating' for him with more authority, so in your scenario I would have said 'oh no we're not really feeling it let's have the ham back and finish shopping'. I tried to not use the 'he's shy' excuse as didn't want DS to feel like it was his problem that he didn't want to partake in unnecessary contact with strangers however well meaning they were. If she had continued to ignore thats when you just have to put your foot down and make a scene. It's important for your daughter to see that nobody has the right to make her feel.uncomfortable and especially not to force her into contact she doesn't want to have.

I think your husband's reasoning is bizarre. Trying to force anyone, let alone a child, to be affectionate is not okay.

Why on earth did she think the child would be willing to kiss a stranger when she wouldn't smile at her?

I’m going through twitter and they are getting back to me. It’s not a local shops so this is the easiest way. I think most of you are taking it the way I did. I get I didn’t handle it better but I was shocked by the whole thing and to be honest my child saying no should be enough. I get it. I should have done more. There may be a culture thing but no means no surely

I do not understand what you are asking from us. You are just making a statement. Are you trying to push us to tell you what to do?

OP it's easy to know how to react in a situation that isn't happening to you right now! Just know that it's ok for you to make a fuss and a noise sometimes. Glad you are taking action.

I'd loose my shit if someone did that to my child. I don't care how hysterical I'd look, it's just not ok to do that to a stranger. I'd flip if a relative did that, let alone a stranger.

That's beyond creepy and how horrible for your DD. Poor thing!

Savvy she clearly asks in the OP if she is BU to think this is serious as her husband doesn't.

Don't blame yourself, I don't think I would have done anything differently in the moment.

@SavvyFishFinger I guess it is just there is a disagreement between myself and DH about it so need to recount it to others to see what their thoughts are.

Not uncommon on mumsnet surely?

Really inappropriate. Probably no harm meant but I would have been unhappy too.

I don’t think you are BU either. Quite apart from it being inappropriate, some children could easily get very upset at having a stranger touch them.

YANBU! Your child deserves to have their boundaries respected. You need to be more assertive next time.