ex wanting to increase access

[holly84]

Hi I'm new here and am having problems and could really do with some opinions. My ex and I have an informal agreement for the last 2 years or so that he has DS from Saturday 8.30 until Sunday 6pm EOW. He works until 7pm Mon-Fri so can't do midweek visits so occasionally takes him for a few hours on Saturday or Sunday in between.

He was living a couple of roads away from us until 1 month ago when he moved closer to work so now he kinda lives in the middle (about half an hour from us and half an hour from work) so now sees it viable to have DS8 on the Friday night from 7.30 when he gets in provided that I drop DS off. Currently he does all the driving since he's the one who moved I refused to drop off like he requested.

I don't see why I should have to now drive every other Friday night just to accommodate this?? He is also trying to reduce my CM by contacting the CMS (currently we have a family based arrangement and I figured I'm going to be £200 a month down if he does so). Surely he won't be able to have the Friday night thing enforced if it's not the precedent?

Apologies for all the duplicate posts! I'm new here.

He moved 30 mins further away purely for his own benefit.

Moving to be closer to work but still being only half an hour away is something that no court would have a problem with. It really isn't the issue that OP thinks it is. Many parents live that far apart.

If OP as a single mum had started a thread here that said "I want to move closer to work to make my life easier but it will take me half an hour away from DS' dad" we'd all say "half an hour isn't far away, YANBU"

OP if driving is going to cost you money how about you tell Dad that he can pay you what he is meant to but if he wants you to drive on Friday nights he needs to pay your petrol both ways. (I still think it is completely reasonable for each parent to drive one way).

He currently has been paying £200 a month more than he legally has to ( I know it's just the minimum he should be paying) and he does all the driving currently? And he wants to have his son for a little more time? He doesn't sound like an asshole parent who only wants time with his son for extra money. This sound cynical and you sound a little spiteful. Especially when you complain that you do one hour's driving over the course of a week to take your own child to school.

You'll lose this.

You don't need experts and experience. Just common sense.

Your reasons to not back down are weak by anyones standards.

Yeah, PPs are right, I know it's difficult but do the right thing for your son.
Agree to the Friday night - and drop him off. It's 30 mins each way once a fortnight. Comments about "his son" and giving up your career are possibly clouding your thoughts (As they prob would mine!) No one said it would be easy...

Dad wants to save himself twenty hours a month driving by living a more reasonable distance from work. It would take her one hour every two weeks and would mean her son got to bed earlier and so had a better time with his dad and she is refusing because how dare he move.

For two years he has been paying more than he had to. I'm honestly not surprised that extra didn't stop the second she refused to do her share of driving. OP you are being extremely petty here. It is not flattering.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of sympathy either. The father chose to move away, saving himself 5 hours of commuting a week, but still spends 5 hours a week driving to and from work. Perhaps as a result of the reduced commute, he now gets home from work earlier on Friday nights. He would like to spend that time with his son. That must be a good thing (obviously assuming he is a normal decent man and not violent etc).

The OP doesn't want to drive her son one way and says she is already driving him to school and back for an hour a week. 12 minutes a day. Unless I have missed it, I'm not clear whether the OP is working and therefore has an additional commute herself, but unless she has an extremely long one, it doesn't seem unreasonable to me to expect her to drive an additional hour a fortnight to facilitate something that would be of advantage to her son.

For your son’s sake I hope you’re seeing another POV OP. Life will be better if you try and work with instead of against your ex. He’s being a good dad, not trying to screw you over.

Love you son more than you hate his dad.

Children pick up on a lot, especially at that age, your son knows he’s half his dad and it’ll reflect well on you if he knows you value his relationship with his dad, as I hope his dad does yours.

Exactly why should this affect me?

Because you are both the parents and you need to make the situation as good as possible for your DS????