Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

996 replies

Fruem · 16/01/2018 20:31

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

OP posts:
user1497863568 · 16/01/2018 23:21

I work part-time - mainly on weekends and Thursdays/Fridays. Otherwise I garden, grocery shop, cook, clean, learn languages and practise hairstyles on my dolls head for upcoming jobs.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 16/01/2018 23:23

I loved being at home when my kids were little. Those years of drain inspection were a joy. Especially when the drain inspectors are now at secondary school Grin.

I've mostly worked part time since they went to school, with a couple of years more than full time. I wasn't well enough for the full on job (sadly) and went back to part time. I've just cut my hours right back as my health still isn't that great. I'm planning a perfect life of regular swimming, a spotless house, language study and coffee with friends but as this is the first month and it's January I'm going for much faffing!

arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2018 23:23

A sahp to primary school age dc who does all hw and childcare, actually does more hours than anyone who just works a full time 9-5 and does nothing else.
9-5 person ;30 min lunch = 7.5 hour day
Sahp;
8-9.30am: 1.5 hour make dc breakfast, help ready, drop to school, get home
9.30 -11.30; all hw/admin/shopping/cooking etc
3-8pm; pick up, activities, dinner, homework, bath, stories etc
=8.5 hour working day.
Thus more hours than the 9-5-and-nothing-else person. Starts earlier, finishes later, but gets a big 3.5 hour break in the middle.

nellieellie · 16/01/2018 23:24

Get up at 6am, shower, get up DS. Prepare lunch for DS and DD. Feed dogs (on raw, takes 20 mins). Take DS to school bus 7.15. Wake DD. Breakfast, take to school 8.30. Housework till 10.00. Take dogs for walk.(2 hrs) Clean paws on return. Until my dad died last year, 3 days week drive 40 mins to him to help care. When not down there, deal with his money/shopping/ med appts/ shopping order. Since died, visit house once week to clear house gradually Also various matters re probate etc, Maintenance of 200 ft garden, inc lawn mowing, veg garden - planting, weeding, watering. Housework. Bills. DS issues with school etc. Cook meal for DS/DD ( perhaps separate a DS v fussy) prepare meal for DH and me. 3pm grab toast/biscuit for lunch, collect DD, on return, collect snack, drive to pick DS up. Return by 5.15pm. Assist DS with homework, ( he has learning difficulties)while getting tea ready for DS and DD. Wash up, tidy up, supervise DS re preparing bag for school next day. 7pm. Sit down have cup of tea. 7.30pm, supervise DCs going to bed, read story. Feed dogs. Start to ge5 tea ready for DH and me. Eat about 8.45pm. Fall asleep.

feeona123 · 16/01/2018 23:25

I have a 3 and 2 year old, once they start school I think I'll be a bit lonely! My life revolves around them!

Mumto2two · 16/01/2018 23:25

Strange question to ask.
Do you think all SAHMs are sat twiddling their thumbs with boredom? Perhaps some are, but most of the people I know, are busy in many different ways. Some are gym bunnies and ladies who lunch, some are rather more 'constructive' than that.
As for me, I had high hopes for when my youngest went to school. Had a list of projects I was going to plough through, planned a little part time job..had it all worked out. But my child has a health issue, so has frequent hospital visits and lots of time off school, very unpredictable and no family support, so going back to work has been out of the question. Aside from that, I help out at school, do voluntary work a few hours a week, and have a very organised, super clean house! Grin

Theshipsong · 16/01/2018 23:28

I was a SAHM for a few years (3). I gradually morphed into a nightmare 1950’s housewife who washed the floors every day, insisted on cooking EVERYTHING from scratch because “this is my job now”.

Thats a shame that you felt like that but I can see how it could happen.

Do you live somewhere rural? Maybe that makes a difference. I live near a capital city and there is a shopping centre within walking distance with coffee shops, restaurants and cinemas.

Sadly I don't have many friends around here but go to an exercise class a couple of times a week so I can chat to people. On the mornings I run, I drop my youngest to montessori and go straight to the park. By the time I get home, shower and have a coffee, it is nearly time to pick up from montessori.

I'm also not house proud and have little interest in cooking so when DH or I cook, we cook batches for the freezer that can be heated up during the week. Because of the children's activities, we are home for an hour or two before leaving the house again for an hour or two. Then home, eat and the bedtime routine starts.

Imagineallthepeople · 16/01/2018 23:28

I was a sahm. It was ok for a bit, I was really motivated and got all the little jobs done, made blinds, painted things, watered my plants (as opposed to my usual watch them slowly die then buy more from ikea approach) after a year, my motivation and self esteem were on the floor. I'm back working now, and get loads more done than I did when I was at home. I have total respect for sahm's it's the hardest job I've ever done.

Mumto2two · 16/01/2018 23:29

Arethereanyleftatall... couldn't agree more. I have a friend who never had kids and works 9-5. Moans incessantly about how 'lucky' I am. Drives me nuts!

jenniferl1983 · 16/01/2018 23:30

Lots of housework/admin stuff/shopping
I also do a few things to bring in some extra income - surveys, matched betting and competitions. On a good week I can earn as much as I would in the weekend retail job my PIL are desperate for me to get (but that is another story).
I watch tv, go online, read etc as well.

pallisers · 16/01/2018 23:34

I'm having a sabbatical too - worked pretty much full-time with 3 children until last year. I can't say I miss it.

I still do 2 different school drop-offs/pick ups, each about 20 mins drive away. Am in a school lift/bus for one so not every day. If somebody needs an early pick up or is having a crisis (elder dd having a rocky time in high school which sort of precipitated the sabbatical) I can be there.

I go to the gym every day
I walk the dog
Volunteer activities
Meet people for lunch or coffee
Organise dinner/the house/bills
Read
Take one class per semester towards my masters

I have a cleaner and a daily dog walker. I am probably the least stressed I have ever been. I'm glad I worked for as long as I did. It was a lot of fun, money was decent, I met great friends, learned and contributed a lot, and have a pretty decent pension pot at the end of it. But not working is really nice too.

DH could absolutely do his job without me being at home (he did it for years with me working) but our lives wouldn't be half as nice as they are now.

Thishatisnotmine · 16/01/2018 23:35

I am returning to work next week after nine and a bit months maternity leave. Had the same time off with dd1 who is three in a weeks time. I tidy and clean, get shopping done (don't drive so takes a while) entertain children in the house and out, take dd1 to and from nursery twice a week. If I wasn't returning to work I would take them to more classes, get a lot of gardening done, learn to sew so I could make curtains, cushion covers etc. I always thought I would be really bored at home but I love it. I might feel different if I worked in a more professional role but I work in an office doing officey things. I feel far more useful at home! And I will be doing all of the things listed above and working as well.

ShellyBoobs · 16/01/2018 23:35

I’ve never done it (other than 6 months’ mat. leave) but I’d imagine I’d spend most of the copious spare time considering how I’d manage financially if we split up after I’d given up my career to SAH.

UrsulaPandress · 16/01/2018 23:37

Why has pagwatch posted two photos of fake grass?

roundaboutthetown · 16/01/2018 23:39

If staying at home because the family can genuinely afford it, it's still worthwhile ensuring you maintain evidence of employability and retain a sense of worth outside the home in the local community, so voluntary work, training relevant to the workplace (eg bookkeeping skills, computing courses, etc), etc, can be useful while being a SAHM - keeps up contacts who can give references if/when you want to go back to work, keeps the brain active, shows you have some self-discipline and an interest in what is going on around you etc. Other than that, it's a colossal reduction in stress for everyone in the family to have one person always available for sick children, organising and taking children to appointments, attending school events and meetings, dealing with electricians/plumbers or anyone else who needs ro visit the house during the working day, doing the diy and finances, shopping, housework, gardening, cooking, giving lifts to after school activities (and organising them), doing the school run, organising days out and holidays, ensuring homework is done, birthday present and party organising, etc, and still having the energy and time to be happy, pleasant company and interested in everyone else's day when everyone else gets home. I'm not sure why someone who would be doing the job they are doing anyway, even if they didn't have a dw or dh, would feel the need to be hugely resentful if their partner wasn't also doing paid work outside the home, if there was plenty of money coming in, as both partners working would simply mean both partners being more stressed trying to keep on top of everything for extra money that neither party felt to be necessary. Mumsnet is full of hugely resentful posts about who is or should be responsible for what because neither person has the time to do it all properly. It's a lot easier to do it all if one person spends less time working outside the home than the other. If, on the other hand, the paid worker loathes their paid work, or the person at home loathes their role and feels disempowered by it, but hated employment, too, then they are likely to be a grumpy, resentful git either way! Grin

blinkineckmum · 16/01/2018 23:41

When I was unemployed I
Ran
Swam
Wrote
Visited friends
Cooked
Read
Watched foreign films
Babysat
Had a lot of fun... then ran out of money.

NoSwsForYou · 16/01/2018 23:45

At the moment I get up with DS between 7-8.30, we have breakfast and I get him (he’s 20 months) and me dressed. He potters in the living room while I do half an hour in the kitchen then we go off for the morning, so either to soft play or for a walk. We either have lunch out and then he naps on the way home or we get home for lunch and then he naps. If he naps at home then I’ll prepare dinner and tidy upstairs and if he naps in the car I’ll do some knitting or read a book —my phone—

In the afternoons we play/draw/go for a walk again and I do bits of housework and then it’s dinner, bath, bed. Once he’s in bed I come down and cook for me and DP and then I try and go to bed for 11ish as ds still wakes in the night and it’s nice to spend a few minutes in my own bed Hmm

I’m permanently exhausted because DP is ill and doesn’t/won’t/can’t help much so I feel very much as though I’m a single parent to two children BUT I love being at home with DS and am aware that it’s something I’ve always wanted to be able to do so, despite DPs failings, I feel privileged to be living the dream I’ve had since I was a teenager, as boring as that might sound.

DS does go to nursery two mornings a week now and although it’s only really three hours each time it feels like bliss. I drop him off and then go and spend 45 minutes in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating breakfast and reading my book with no one demanding anything and no house work staring me in the face. It’s a beautiful 1.5 hours total to myself out of seven days a week and I’ve learnt to love it Grin

Afterwards I go home and do more housework and a lot of cooking and baking as ds and dp have intolerances so it’s easier/safer to cook from scratch.

elfycat · 16/01/2018 23:46

DDs 7 & 9.

I've taken a part time OU degree,, and now have a post grad qualification. In September I plan to start the last module for my masters. It's part time (16hrs a week) but I do more.

I write; hobby (study area) and am looking at freelance work
I knit/crochet
Housework stuff (minimum I can get away with. I'm happy to have guests over)
DH works away, but gets equal time off. Today we went shopping and watched a film. Tomorrow we will be returning a damaged item from shopping today.

Lonesurvivor · 16/01/2018 23:51

I work 21 hours per week, can't work more because of long term illness. I've 3 kids lots of driving them around, providing food and plenty of housework but I still have loads of free time. I meet my sister or friends once or twice a week, read, lie in if I'm tired, get my hair done every few weeks and have medical appointments.
I consider things like walking the dog and gardening a hobby, doesn't count as work.

I don't know anyone who works 9 to 5 or indeed full time hours and does nothing else? Sure how would that even be possible unless they had servants?
I was also a sahm for a couple of years while all mine were first in school, it's not comparable to working full time, not by a mile, unless you or the children have serious health issues. Aside from school runs and after school my day was mine to organise as I saw fit and I didn't have to answer to anyone else.
I returned to work for my own financial independence should the need ever arise and because I was bored out of my brain and wanted to share the financial load with my dh.

TonbridgeTammy · 16/01/2018 23:51

Don my Wonder Woman costume and lasso a few criminals.

You're welcome 👸

NoSwsForYou · 16/01/2018 23:52

Can I just apologise for saying that I feel like a single parent sometimes? I’m sure it gets irritating when people say that. I think more accurately I mean I feel like I’m the only one doing any work.

happymumof4crazykids · 16/01/2018 23:59

Up at 6, shower wake oldest 2 they eat breakfast while I prepare their lunches. While they get washed and dressed I wake the younger ones and change nappies then make breakfast. When they've finished, wash brush their teeth dress them and take the youngest to playgroup about a half hour walk away. Half hour walk back. Get back wash up put a load of washing on. Hoover the downstairs,play with and feed my 3 year old lunch, pick up 2 year old get back, change 3 year old for nursery, 15 min walk to nursery and back. Make lunch for myself and 2 year old, swap washing over and put away, play with 2 year old go pick up 3 year old. Get back help with homework, prepare and cook dinner, wash up, swap washing and put away, bath youngest 2 story and bed. Spend an hour/2 with eldest 2 watching tv or a film or chatting about day. Tidy up/clean whatever room/s are a mess then go to bed. Repeat everyday with occasional meet ups with other mums/family for a cuppa.
Weekends are shopping/cleaning/cooking/ironing uniforms and washing and changing bedding. Occasional trip to park/visit friends/family. Sounds boring when I read it back Confused

gillybeanz · 16/01/2018 23:59

Shelly

That honestly never crossed my mind.
But, everything is in joint name, we are married and I'd have just got a job as gave up career.
Some people aren't career minded though so haven't really given anything up.
I suppose it's what you want in life and it's a very personal thing.
I know if I'd have worked when dc were little I'd have hated it and wanted to be at home.

Biglettuce · 17/01/2018 00:12

I walk the dog.
I run.
I write books and I paint.
I keep up a project that was supposed to earn money but doesn’t.
I watch films.
I do the gardening.

I don’t have coffee with friends. They all work!
I don’t have sex. Who with they all work!
I don’t make bloody jam or crafts.
I avoid housework.
I am supposed to be getting a job but I don’t have many hours as my child is only half days.
I do get bored and lack company, and a sense of identity like I had when I had a career.

Vanessatiger · 17/01/2018 05:01

I have a baby, I take naps when he naps, we go to playdates with other babies, coffee with friends, lunch with my husband, I have an old lady coming in a couple of hours in the afternoon so I can go shopping for food and make amazing meals..