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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

996 replies

Fruem · 16/01/2018 20:31

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

OP posts:
darklady64 · 16/01/2018 22:43

OK - only read the first couple of pages, but are you honestly so unimaginative that you can't think of how you would fill a day? I find it quite sad when someone has to ask, as to me it seems to show that you have no interests. Or you are indeed just being goady.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2018 22:43

Jelly - I used to, but then realised that by my being a sahm (well nearly, little job), not only was my life much better, but so is dhs and dcs.
Dhs salary is enough for us, so we might as well all have as good a quality of life as we can.

Loonoonow · 16/01/2018 22:43

DH has always worked v long hours in a cutthroat and competitive field. When DCs were little I was effectively a full time single mum on weekdays as well as working from home and in supermarkets at weekends and late nights when his industry was not doing well. I have more than earned an easier life now. Also, there are more ways to contribute to the family than bringing in money

g1itterati · 16/01/2018 22:45

jellybean - DH prefers me at home and always did. It benefits the DC and him - and me. He is very work-focused and always was. I guess we both feel like we get the best deal, so no resentment at all.

R2G · 16/01/2018 22:45

I'm not now but when I was yoga, meet friends, counselling, nails, hair, washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, visiting elderly relatives and neighbours, house admin.

Mrsmadevans · 16/01/2018 22:45

I did voluntary work at my local school and a college
course. It wasn't for long though .

TimeforCupcakes · 16/01/2018 22:45

Me too LadyBunnysWig Smile

Clarabumps · 16/01/2018 22:46

No I don't feel guilty. We're a team. He makes the money, I make sure the house runs smoothly. I do all the household stuff and deal with all finances and bills etc. I do all the kid stuff and he knows that that's taken care of. He doesn't do anything in the house. I make all meals from scratch and do the washing, ironing, cleaning etc. He gets to go to work and come home to a happy wife and kids.
I think that's a fair exchange. He works irregular hours and is self employed. We have 3dc, one with asd. Me working wouldn't work for our family. He'd have to do more around the house, I'd be stressed, the kids wouldn't like it as they'd be in childcare and all my wages would be eaten up by fees. Just so I can wear the "I have a job" badge.
Ultimately he wants a happy family, like I do and this is the balance that works for us.
Family life (as it is with more families) is full on when the kids are back from school so I make sure I recharge my batteries when I can. We couldn't be as happy otherwise.
None of the above is said in a goody tone btw. Just to clarify that, these threads can sometimes escalate.

theredjellybean · 16/01/2018 22:47

I did rather anticipate that the answers would be along lines of 'my dh could not do the job he does if I wasn't at home'.. And I honestly do get that but many sahms have said they fill their days with stuff that is not directly related to running the home.
My question was directed I guess at the people who have time to watch TV, meet friends for lunch etc... That's not time spent on running a home or family. That's 'me' time... Would you or are you all happy to give your spouses the same amount of 'me time' when they are not at work?

gillybeanz · 16/01/2018 22:50

closdes

I found hobbies and interests that I loved and needed to get the boring stuff out of the way first.
It helped me prioritise my time and jobs/tasks/ important stuff that had to be done at a particular time.
E.g school run, appointments.
These were the A column and rarely changed unless emergency.
My B column were the orrible jobs that needed doing but not at a particular time.
Column C was the stuff of self preservation and improvement, like personal hygiene, beauty, pampering clothes, education.
Column D was hobbies and interests I couldn't wait to get my teeth into
It's important to add some of this everyday.

I found it in a book once on personal management for left brained people, and whilst many don't support the theory of differences, the actual idea works for me when I can be bothered to manage it.

RB68 · 16/01/2018 22:50

I think Mat leave time off is very different to SAHM to kids in primary and diff again to kids in secondary. I think the permanency of the situation for a long term SAHM, means you actively look for things be it home improvements, crafts for the home e.g. sewing curtains etc and other activities you enjoy like I do a knit and natter once a month. Although having started new job 2nd Jan everything is going to pot and I am feeling v stretched as no one is back filling my home jobs!! I also have a dog walking friend and we used to go on dogventures - new walks with an end in mind that usually involved tea!

MollyWantsACracker · 16/01/2018 22:51

I was a SAHM for a few years (3). I gradually morphed into a nightmare 1950’s housewife who washed the floors every day, insisted on cooking EVERYTHING from scratch because “this is my job now”.

I think I totally and utterly lost the plot and everyone was relieved when I went back to work.

Safe to say it didn’t suit me...

arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2018 22:51

Jellybean - yes, perfectly happy to. That's one of the benefits of having a sahp. I've had my me time in the week, so dh can have whatever time he wants to pursue his hobbies of an evening or weekend. Everyone's quality of life is better.

Clarabumps · 16/01/2018 22:52

Yes I would. He works incredibly hard and he has as much me time as he wants. He doesn't really take it as he wants to spend time with us. He goes for more drinks with his friends than I do. I don't know what feeling guilty would do? Should I be finding more jobs for myself to do to even it out? Grin(again not goady!)
I think spending time on yourself is an investment. It's not supposed to be all stress and suffering. We've had our fair share of that in the past and we may well again in the future. While times are good, I'm just enjoying it. Should I feel guilty about that?

ClosdesMouches · 16/01/2018 22:57

Thanks g1itterati. A cleaner is definitely a possibility and I can see that if I knew the cleaner was coming at a specific time a few mornings a week it would get me out of the house.

Phalenopsisgirl · 16/01/2018 22:59

I sit on a committee and do charity/voluntary work that takes almost as much time as when I worked full time. I also have a large and challenging garden. I often think about how focused and easier full time work was. I remember when I wondered what I was going to do with myself and ‘all that spare time’

ClosdesMouches · 16/01/2018 22:59

Posted too soon.
Thanks also to gillybeanz. Definitely something I can try, prioritising has been an issue so it’s a great suggestion for me.

theredjellybean · 16/01/2018 23:00

Clara and others who answered my query.. Thank you, it really wasn't goady I was genuinely interested.
I agree that often one person at home does make a family run more smoothly
You sound a great team with your dp.

AnathemaPulsifer · 16/01/2018 23:02

Happiest days of my life. I mostly read books as dust bunnies danced around the house Blush

cherish123 · 16/01/2018 23:08

There is a SAHM and someone who does not work. I did not work before mine went to school and spent the day doing child related activities (playgroups, the park, playing at home, taking to nursery). However, when mine went to school, I found there was really no purpose to my day. You cannot really be a SAHM, if your children are at school. The first few months, I did big jobs like clearing out cupboards and painting the fence. It was nice to be at home to settle DC into school. After a while, I did begin to feel a bit lazy. I went back to work part time. Sometimes I do wish I was not working and had more hours to myself/to get things done but I think you have to make a real effort not to become lazy.

gillybeanz · 16/01/2018 23:08

jellybean

It's great being at home and the men benefit from it in so many ways.
What's there to feel bad about?
Everything gets done, all get to spend time with one another/family.
Not trying to juggle stuff and compromise personal time, far less stress, if any at all.
It can be very fulfilling for all, if it suits your family.

Clarabumps · 16/01/2018 23:10

@theredjellybean you're welcome. It has made me question whether I should feel guilty. I'm so glad it hasn't turned into a bunfight. Maybe things would be different if I'd had a career I'd loved or had more earning power than my dh. I do look at people who are very successful and have smidge of jealousy at the fact they have a social status as such. Does that make sense? But the grass is always greener and we al have days where we'd like a change.
Occasionally I do panic at the thought of our circumstances changing, for example, I doubt I'll ever have a career again. That loss of earning power is scary as who knows what the future holds. Right I'm off to bed. These nails won't file themselves tomorrow. (Joke!) Grin

Fitbitironic · 16/01/2018 23:12

I did rather anticipate that the answers would be along lines of 'my dh could not do the job he does if I wasn't at home'.. And I honestly do get that but many sahms have said they fill their days with stuff that is not directly related to running the home.
In my experience there are more dh with normal hour jobs or shifts which can be worked around, than there are with jobs which take them away from home randomly for long periods of time. In the latter cases, I would class this as a case of ' I'm a sahm to enable dh to keep the job he has' as its difficult to arrange a both job around unless you have a lot of support or money to pay for it. That's why I suspect you've had more answers of the other type, who have more time for themselves...

gillybeanz · 16/01/2018 23:14

closdes

I'm a goon, the idea is to choose from each column, so you don't spend all day doing the shitty stuff, you limit your time for it.
This makes sure you cover all your needs (apparently)
I'm practising it again, started as resolution and it is working.
Will try and find the book title, but many years ago now, and long gone.

lifeandtheuniverse · 16/01/2018 23:15

Loonow -you are so not effectively a single mum and you insult those of us who are.

I have more than earned an easier life but someone still has to provide - just not going to happen......

Patronising beyond belief.