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Original poster

SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

996 replies

Fruem · 16/01/2018 20:31

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

OP posts:
MrsGloop · 21/01/2018 04:36

Miaowthecat I’m really sorry you feel that way about your time in the classroom. I get it, I really do. When I was home, volunteering to chaperone school trips was often the highlight of my week. To feel productive and helpful. I craved it. I hope something fantastic for you comes along very soon.

OldMummy75 · 21/01/2018 05:27

I am suddenly in that situation though nursery school is 5 hours every morning for us.

Although I do not need to work atm, I signed up for an online course to help me find more satisfactory/appropriate work later on. I got into a routine where I go to the health/social club straight from nursery school, do a short work out then work on my course until lunchtime. 4 days a week. The other day I do the weekly big food shop and whatever I feel would be difficult to achieve with a mischievous 3 years old in tow.

It does feel rather enough tbh.

lizzieoak · 21/01/2018 05:39

But Mrs G, you don’t need to get it. I don’t get how you find a routine job fulfilling insofar as I do not. But I get that it appeals to some people. In that spirit you don’t need to wtf at people with older kids (or indeed no kids) enjoying being at home.

I adore my house. I feel utterly at peace and relaxed here. So not surprisingly, I like being here. And while I love my friends and family, I need a lot of alone time. Being at work wears me down as other people will insist on being employed at the same place.

And of course I’ve had interesting and pleasant moments at work. But the overall feeling is one of boredom and oppression. I am never bored nor oppressed at home. I love cooking and baking and if I run out of my own thoughts, there’s always books and podcasts.

thedcbrokemybank · 21/01/2018 05:40

MrsGloop your post is really interesting to me. I am a sahm to 4 school age DC (year. -yr8). Realistically I have 5.75 hours per day 5 days per week 36 weeks of the year. From 3pm - 9pm my time is taken up with dc, mainly their extra curricular stuff. For me to work in the same capacity that you do would cause an enormous impact on our family. We live semi-rurally so childcare is hard to come by and everywhere requires travel.
I simply see no value in working in a ”a mid level, routine job for a corporation" which would cause such upheaval for everyone.. Instead I am studying part time for a masters degree and I volunteer significantly in 2 local schools. I am always busy and my life is full and rewarding.

lizzieoak · 21/01/2018 05:48

And I do think the vast majority are bored at work. I’ve read a lot on the sociology of work & that’s a pretty common theme.

As for being in the right job - an awful lot of paid work suits almost no-one, but the jobs exist and people need the money. Therefore our economic system requires a fair wodge of people to pack boxes at Amazon, work as bin men, checkout clerks, slaughterhouse workers, take jobs in pet food factories, park their bums in front of terminals and check data all day long. If my right job was, say, staging photos for decorating magazines, do you think there’s enough need for staff to employ all the would-be stagers? Nope. I’d like to teach yoga, but where I live the market is saturated and I am also fond of feeding my ravenous teenager. So I soldier on.

And being from a council estate doesn’t mean you’re not upper middle class now (though middle class by the sounds of your work).

Apologies though if I’ve been grumpy - this issue that if you don’t love to go to work you’re an embarrassment to feminism really rattles my cage.

StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2018 07:25

But as an sahm surely your poor dh is in a boring job?

StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2018 07:26

Do men all love to go to work? Or do they just need to get on with it to pay the bills

Pagwatch · 21/01/2018 07:26

Totally agree Lizzeoak.

It's excruciating listening to people lecturing about working as if doing a job you hate is the only justifiable way to get through life.

Like a huge number of people I have been a sahm, a working mum and had along time working before I had my first child at 30
Each time had different challenges and I was contributing fully in each role. I wasn't a fantastic, hard working, valuable member of society and then became a sahm and laid down on the sofa for a decade.

thedcbrokemybank · 21/01/2018 07:32

Why so patronising?
My "poor" DH has a career he finds challenging and rewarding.
If I felt I was in a position to do the same then I would consider it. However why would I cause such stress to both my family and myself when currently I can get my own challenge and reward elsewhere? It just doesn't have a financial renumeration.

thedcbrokemybank · 21/01/2018 07:33

Sorry the patronising comment was meant for stealth

Strongmummy · 21/01/2018 07:35

I think the point here is, if you are SAHM, with school age kids, and the stuff you fill your days with is purely for you (yoga, gym, writing your novel) then you are incredibly lucky and privileged and have no right to complain about being parenthood/how busy you are coz u have a cushy life!!!!!!

Pagwatch · 21/01/2018 07:51

If that is the point then it's a pretty stupid one.

All these pages on a non issue

StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2018 07:55

Because lizzy has said she thinks most people are in boring careers. I don't agree but if she is right then her choice to live her life differently is presumably meaning her dh has to be bored every day

StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2018 07:56

Strong so SAHMs can't complain?
My life is pretty hard, I'm still sure it's a hell of a lot easier than most women in sub saharan Africa. Can I winge from timeto time

StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2018 07:58

The dc and just to be clear I do not agree working us boring. But the attitude of being so above demeaning jobs I tend to find is only available to those whose loves are funded by someone else sucking it up

Notonaschoolnight · 21/01/2018 08:11

I wish I could learn not to take it to heart that you lot in the “no one should rely on others for financial security” corner aren’t talking to the “ended up with a kid with a lifelong disability” corner that I’m stuck in

moochypooch · 21/01/2018 08:11

Totally agree with LizzieOak - I have never found a fulfilling job. It's very possible I chose the wrong career, I struggled with the decision for quite a few years. I am happy now and i feel valued by my family. Dh does enjoy his job and get's plenty of down time at the weekend - during the week he basically works, eats and sleeps.

My Mum had a career, she worked long hours and as a child I really missed her and I really craved her attention and that was while I was attending school - pathetic as it sounds it still hurts, it runs deep, she was always busy, busy at work and then always busy at home too, she spoke about loving her work, it was the only time she seemed happy. She worked to get away from child rearing and even as a child, I knew this was the case and so how I felt about my Mum working was part of the reason I wanted to be there for my kids. Dad worked too of course but he took time to do stuff with us, day trips, cinema, swimming - mum took those opportunities to stay at home to have more time to escape being a parent and because of course she was too busy to spend time with us. So I didn't find my mother to be much of an inspiration - her career was everything to her but didn't see that in a positive light at all.

Pagwatch · 21/01/2018 08:18

Notonaschoolnigh

Don't take it to heart.
There are real arseholes who are so determined that their life their choice is the only option and it's an opinion nearly always formed by having no fucking clue what circumstances can do to your choices.

I loved my job. I had to give up. My DH had to keep going and worked himself to death trying to keep everything together.
People can now snapshot my life and judge but I take a deep breath and realise that their judgement is evidence of their fuckwittery.

These threads always end up hurting people but it's just nonsense. We all lead complicated lives and we are almost all doing our best.

MiaowTheCat · 21/01/2018 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Barbie222 · 21/01/2018 08:24

I'd like to have more time, for sure. I've never been to a gym or yoga class and errands have to get done between 7 and 7.30 am when nursery opens. But I think, I trained for this role and although it's tough and barely pays the childcare at the moment, it would be a waste to give up now because in the future it could be a lifesaver. I think I'd feel guilty if I knew I could work but just chose not to for an easy life. But obviously not everyone's as lucky as me to be able to keep going.

moochypooch · 21/01/2018 08:26

There are real arseholes who are so determined that their life their choice is the only option and it's an opinion nearly always formed by having no fucking clue what circumstances can do to your choices. This!

speakout · 21/01/2018 08:28

Being a SAHM and ditching my career has given me opportunities outside of the rat race.
I loved my career but it was not compatible with family life, hours were long and irregular, often I would have to work an extra 6 hours with no notice and no choice.
I jacked it in and decided to care for my kids full time.
It was a blast.
When they started school I had lots of free time to explore other ways of having a fulfilling life and do things I enjoy rather than work for an employer.
My youngest is 17 now and I am still having the time of my life.

All this would never have happened if I had not taken a leap of faith.

Strongmummy · 21/01/2018 08:29

Complain, but expect little sympathy. Seriously , do you honestly expect any woman who works full time to support her family AND then gets home to look after her kids, clean the house, to care that you couldn’t get to yoga on time or that you couldn’t finish a chapter of your novel. I think it’s amazing that you can concentrate on activities that fulfill you; it’s a vital part of life, but ffs don’t expect everyone to share in your joy, especially when they don’t have that luxury!!!

To confirm I work full time in a high paying job that I find reasonably enjoyable. I’d rather be at home going to the gym, coffee mornings, training in opera, writing, indulging my hobbies. However, I can’t because our lifestyle would change dramatically. I do appreciate however that I live a charmed life. Get some self awareness; it’s a good thing

moochypooch · 21/01/2018 08:37

Who's complaining?

g1itterati · 21/01/2018 08:37

Miaow - yes I agree. The premise of this thread is as ridiculous. As if there is any set pattern to what SAHMs across the world "do all day." You might as well ask, "WOHMs - what do you do all day?" and then people could come in and describe the whys and wherefores of their 12 hour nursing shifts, role as a nuclear scientists or how they pass the time in some back office doing telesales. What is the point? People, working or not, find themselves in all sorts of circumstances and find motivation and fulfilment in different things.