SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

Roundaboutthehouse- can I just applaud your post! Absolutely spot on. . in a lifetime we play many roles in our families and maybe a SAHM will be working in their 70's while a WOHM has retired and spends the day doing whatever the fuck she wants. If lucky enough to make it that far. Life can be short x

I have one child at school and one toddler at home with me. My days whizz past so fast I barely achieve anything! To be fair my toddler has just dropped his naps so I have my hands full! When he starts school I will return to work. Just makes more financial sense to stay at home then pay for childcare at the moment.
My days are full with, playing, groups, washing, shopping, putting clothes away, tidying, cooking - the list is endless but the house is rarely tidy

So do you guys give your husbands a couple of hours each day to do things he would enjoy as well? Or do you expect him to share the load once he is at home? Because you are not sharing in the earning ..........

The reason I can't really pursue my chosen career is because our kids would end up neglected if I focused on mine the way he focuses on his. We currently get different things out of life (and put different things back). There are fairly low expectations put on my time, and I get some free time in the day to do as I please but it's all quite dull. He gets to follow a dream he's had all his life - because I pick up all the pieces. When he's home he can damn well pull his weight, because this certainly wasn't my first choice, but it was his.

Because you are not sharing in the earning ..........

How much does childcare cost? How about school holiday childcare?

I take on about 3 freelance jobs per year, but the rest of the time I'm a SAHM to a 14 yr old DS and 10 yr old DD. They're becoming increasingly independent, so I'm intending on working much more by the end of the year, when both will be at secondary school.

As a SAHM mum though, the day can go surprisingly quickly if you have to do the school run at 3.15. I do yoga regularly and meet friends for coffee or lunch about twice a week. The rest of the time I'm generally tidying, doing laundry, cleaning, food planning and shopping. In between this I'm on Instagram/YouTube/Mumsnet intermittently! I also listen to music on Spotify an awful lot when I'm at home.

This lifestyle isn't going to last forever, so I do really really appreciate it.

I take on about 3 freelance jobs per year, but the rest of the time I'm a SAHM to a 14 yr old DS and 10 yr old DD. They're becoming increasingly independent, so I'm intending on working much more by the end of the year, when both will be at secondary school.

As a SAHM mum though, the day can go surprisingly quickly if you have to do the school run at 3.15. I do yoga regularly and meet friends for coffee or lunch about twice a week. The rest of the time I'm generally tidying, doing laundry, cleaning, food planning and shopping. In between this I'm on Instagram/YouTube/Mumsnet intermittently! I also listen to music on Spotify an awful lot when I'm at home.

This lifestyle isn't going to last forever, so I do really really appreciate it.

When SAHM previously I took the opportunity to study to better my career options upon return to work. I also got involved in various charity work and joined pta. I also started mystery shopping and mystery dining to keep myself occupied. I have been working full timers for 4 years now and contemplating staying at home again. This time I would concentrate on some writing projects and am considering educating my son from home as he has ASD/ADHD and I am not sure there is a high school to suit his needs.

mummyof3kids I did mystery shopping back when I was a student. I loved it because I got loads of free stuff and paid to get it. Might have to sign myself back up and take DS along for the ride.

Mummyof3 - I also did quite a bit of voluntary work when I was at home with my three. As they have age gaps of 3-4 years, I was at home for 12 years although I worked from home (a little, but steadily). The voluntary work had paid itself back in spades. I have a wonderful part-time job - in the field I am trained to Masters level, loads of responsibilities and challenges but it fits around the family. I wouldn't have got it had it not been for my career development/voluntary work.

I was briefly a SAHM when I had 2 under 2 years and it wasn't practical to work FT...I was so tired but I am so glad that I had that time with my children. My husband lost his job shortly afterwards and I took over the income generation , it was hard missing those years of children's development so I made sure we had adventures at weekends and great holidays.
My children are now grown and flown and I am retired so I have loads of time it's great...one of the best things about being 61 !!!
All times of life have their challenges and rewards when kids are very young it istough..try and relax...dust will waitW

I’m a working single mum. When I was on maternity and not single I’d sleep during the day when baby did and have a nice home cooked meal ready for ex dp. Now if I was a SAHM I’d pluck my eyebrows, paint my nails and love life. Anyone wanna trade? Seriously? I need a rest

I actually volunteer with a local sex ed team (to keep teens from ending up like me too soon!). Also I volunteer at our church planning events, serving in our soup kitchen, and befriending older people at our lunch club. I don't feel a bit guilty that my "spare" time is spent napping and watching tv.

I clear up child piss, I clear up an endless tide of mess, I field endless requests from children, I look after our pets, I cook, I occasionally have the chance to decorate. The idea that stay at home mums sit on their arse is ludicrous. Chance would be a fine thing.

This is exactly how I feel:

"The reason I can't really pursue my chosen career is because our kids would end up neglected if I focused on mine the way he focuses on his. We currently get different things out of life (and put different things back). There are fairly low expectations put on my time, and I get some free time in the day to do as I please but it's all quite dull. He gets to follow a dream he's had all his life - because I pick up all the pieces. When he's home he can damn well pull his weight, because this certainly wasn't my first choice, but it was his."

I'm bored to buggery being at home, I can't wait to work again to get some mental stimulation. But whilst the kids are young it's the way it has to be, both of us can't work to that degree.

boomboomscousin you said exactly what I feel, but expressed it much better than I would!

thecatsabsentcojones Could you do any pt work?

Being SAHM was so very tiring and tear inducing at times , but equally one of the happiest phases of my life.

Now i WOHM full time and i miss those miss those days immensely.

I never get bored at home! There’s unpaid work to be done, errands to do, books to read, friends to meet. I still don’t have enough time!

I have always been bored to death at work. It feels like I’m watching my poor brain cells dying off minute by agonizingly slow minute. Supervisors stressing and fussing over nonsense, thinking about shite that bores me, the lunchroom with colleagues talking about their diets and their decks (what stain should we use for the wood?), and on and on. No fresh air, no sunshine, no rain. Tick, tick. Trying to care for kids via sneaky texts, trying to remember what I need to get from the shops on the way home, sitting on a crowded bus with no privacy.

At home is a big feather pillow of luxury by comparison. Takes all kinds!

I get abit bored at times tbh as all my friends work! In the summer I don’t ever as I get out in the garden, it’s a passion of mine! By time I’ve walked kids to school, I come back put good morning on and tidy downstairs listening to that or music whichever I fancy! Then I usually take dogs out for an hr, longer in summer as nicer weather.
Then tidy upstairs And attend to any erands or shops I need to get stuff from. Usually by time I’ve done this it’s almost time to go walk back to school for the kids. Obviously everyday is slightly different, but this is the general gist. Sometimes I go shopping, or visit my family/friends, have a Coffee with a mum at school! It’s surprising how quick that day goes tbh ! Obviously I have days and weeks when I’m sick of cleaning and it gets me down, so i mix it up abit! I’m in process of learning how to make roman blinds and curtains as a hobby so I can do this in my spare time. X

Help out at school
Housework
Garden
Do volunteer work
Temp when available
Update CV and go to job interviews!

I was at home for a while and hatedit with a passion. I have a professional degree and was earning a very good salary (despite my job being rather routine, with standard hours.) I spent many an hour in the middle of the night lamenting the choices I’d made and fearing that they were undoable.

What surprised me is how much the dynamic of our relationship changed. Money wasn’t the issue - DH earns many multiples of my salary and everything has always been jointly held, but very slowly my “status” in our marriage changed. We were not a partnership, rather I slowly morphed into bring the facilitator. Once I lightheartedly said to him, “You’d be lost without me” after I resolved some domestic issue or other. His response: “No I wouldn’t, I’d hire as assistant.” He was horrified when he saw the look on my face, and for me that was something of a light switch moment. I knew that I couldn’t spend my best years just facilitating other people.

As a stroke of sheer luck, and knowing people who knew people, I managed to get hired again, for more money in a better company. Believe me, I thank my lucky stars every day for being in this position. I took it for granted before and I’ll never do it again.

I had no idea how much I’d missed work until I found myself on a Sunday night, thinking ahead to my Monday morning “to do” list. And I was thrilled - with the responsibility, the respect I was earning, the example I was setting to my children, and knowing that I was doing a great job. I recall someone telling me how great it must be do choose my own schedule. I replied that for me, flexibility means that no-one misses you when you’re not there.

I am a passionate believer that no able-bodied person should be financially dependent upon someone else. I think it’s folly of the worse degree, and I’ll be encouraging my daughter (to put it mildly) not to sacrifice her own emotional and financial well-being to facilitate somebody else’s wants.

To respond to a couple of posters - I’m not envious in the slightest of women who stay home. I felt as though my life was slipping away and getting back into work felt like someone throwing me a lifeline. A lifeline with self respect, money and health insurance attached to it 😊

But Mrs Gloop, I always hear this from upper middle class women. “Oh darling, I’d be soooo bored without my fascinating and empowering and well paid work!”

Well, Mrs G, I have a degree but not in a field that’s got very many fascinating etc jobs so I’ve always done work that bores me rigid. Which is the case for the vast majority of the population!

This notion that work is fulfilling for most people is partly privilege talking (doesn’t occur to the minority w interesting jobs that data entry clerks, checkout clerks, Govt admin staff etc might prefer not to do those jobs), partly that women who enjoy work seem puzzled that many of us find kids and home interesting and fulfilling, and partly just capitalism shoving down or throats that if we’re not making someone money we aren’t “contributing” and can’t be fulfilled.

Different people like different ways of life. I find work oppressive, dull, and not in any way, shape, or form fulfilling. Making my family happy brings me immense fulfilment.

Not rushing around. It's nice. Only thing is I wish there were more SAHMs around so I had more time with friends during the day. My husband works from home so we live a chilled out kinda life.

lizzieoak A couple of things: (1) I was born and raised on a council estate, so the idea of me being “upper middle class” is laughable. Despite my professional degree; (2) If you re-read my post, you’ll see that I refer to my “routine” work and standard hours - a brain surgeon I am not; (3) if you find all work to be “oppressive, dull and not in any way, shape or form fulfilling” then I might gently suggest that you’ve never had the “right” job. You’ve never, ever had any kind of positive work experience? I simply find that hard to believe; and (4) I don’t believe for one second that “the vast majority of people” does work that “bores them rigid.”

Again - I do a mid level, routine job for a corporation. There is very little scope to progress, and believe me, I’m not saving lives. But there’s enough positive things to be found in working that I’ll never again (God willing) consider giving it up. It makes me feel sad for you (and people who share your views) that you find so little to enjoy/consider worthwhile/tolerate about participating in the working world. Honestly, I just don’t “get it”.

Also - to clarify, as I don’t think I made this clear: I consider staying home with pre-school aged children an entirely different kettle of fish. Of course I appreciate why people don’t work when they have little ones at home. But I simply can’t identify with this “my children are in full-time education but I have stay home to iron shirts, make dinner and walk the dog.” WTF.