SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

These discussions always seem to attempt to compare apples to oranges.

Some women don’t work because whatever they can earn wouldn’t be enough to cover the childcare that would be required. Some have children with disabilities or ailing parents with care needs so they will be spending a proportion of their time organising and attending appointments and treatments. Some of these SAHMs themselves have health problems. None of the women in this category are living a life of luxury or privilege.

Then there are the SAHMs with the high earning partners and no extra responsibilities. The ones who go to the gym/massage/lunch etc They are the ones living a cushy, easy life. (Myself included).

So it’s pointless to make sweeping statements about SAHMs (or WOHMs for that matter) because there are a wide variety of circumstances and motives behind how families organise themselves.

The ailing parents one is a valid point. My parents got cancer within a few weeks of each other in 2013. I was very glad then that I didn’t have a job as there’s no way I would have been able to work throughout that time (which spanned almost a year). My not having a job meant I could totally dedicate myself to their care in their final months. I will always be grateful for that, and realise how difficult that situation would have been for a full time worker.

(Or even a part time worker)

And surely most working mothers don't pick-up their kids from school. Some yes but most don't.

I think that’s a sweeping generalisation and trying again to discredit WOHP. Loads of WOHP I know do.

So it’s pointless to make sweeping statements about SAHMs (or WOHMs for that matter) because there are a wide variety of circumstances and motives behind how families organise themselves.*

Exactly...

As above there are so many different circumstances as to why woman choose to be at home.

Likewise not every women works because they need the money, myself & my peers all do a mix of 2-3 days a week. We are surgeons, GPs, lawyers, etc. I suppose you could argue that we are used to the additional income but we like our jobs & the escape it provides.

People always feel they have to defend their choices so inadvertently the opposite choice is criticised (just the bf & ff debate). Do what makes YOU happy & what works for you.

I'm not brave enough to RTFT! But I'm officially a "homemaker", despite in reality mostly being home because of ill health.

On good days: I listen to a lot of audio books and podcasts. I have a few health-related appointments a week that take some commuting to. I go to a weekly art group with like minded people. I meet some friends for lunch, coffee and/or catch up. I go for walks and read. I do any shopping we need. I take my time cooking. I play some computer games when I feel like it.

(On bad days the basic routines take all my time and energy and I don't end up doing much else.)

As I said earlier, this is a ridiculous argument because obviously people fill the time they have. If you have 3 hours in the evening, you will think you "do it all." If you have 5 hours in the day, you will just do a few more things.

If you are a SAHM and, like me, have a few DC at school, you would be surprised how much if your day is taken up doing random stuff related to them. For instance, yesterday, by the time I got back from the school run, DD called me in a panic to say she had left her homework, so I took that over to her (20 mins drive there and 20 mins back). On the way back, I went into M&S to get the girls new underwear and tights. Then I needed to take one of their violins to be re-strung. It's the other DDs birthday tomorrow so I went to get the party bag stuff for 25 girls and all the other stuff for the party, before I picked up DH's suits and did a good shop. So none of it earth-shattering stuff worthy of special mention no, but I'm still rushing about nonetheless.

Obviously, If I was at work, this stuff would probably get done, but just less of it.

I'm never bored and never have been. Most of the time I feel there aren't enough hours in the day! I have 4 DC in 3 different schools and a DH who is quite full- on. As I said earlier, the school holidays when I have all 4 DC at home feel less rushed than the school weeks.

No I don't feel guilty in the slightest about "doing nothing" in the day. I had 10 years of having at least one school-aged child with me at all times. I can't tell you how much I value my own space these days. I don't sit down between 4 and 11pm because I literally do everything in this house and I'm up at 5.30 every day, so if I want to take a few hours to recharge during school hours, I will.

Yes I can go for a run and do "me" things in the day. My DH is more than happy for me to do stuff for myself. He encourages it. He is not hard done by - he's off in a car-racing holiday next week and I don't begrudge him doing his sports and trips away.

So basically, the whole debate about "doing it all" is like asking how long is a piece of string.

It looks like some people can't help but discredit the other side like pps have said. I was trying to be as balanced as possible seeing as I am currently experiencing both. As I previously stated I also have holidays off and have both of them with me and manage to do the housework etc.

I think we make our circumstances work for ourselves. I just wish that sahm mothers didn't think they worked harder than wohms and vice versa. I can see there are positives and negatives to both.

My comment on sahm with school age children still stands though. For me it's the holy grail and I will enjoy sept 2018 when my youngest is 3, until I feel that I'm ready for full time again. I will never get this time back again. I have plenty of years to be full time gain... about 30!!

Ah this is what you don't get glitterati... this extra work does get done by wohms AND to the same standard. We don't do things by halves. We find the time. This is another passive aggressive snipe imo.

Sorry namechange but you’re being the passive aggressive one.

this extra work does get done by wohms AND to the same standard.

That’s simply not true. You couldn’t do as many jobs as g1itterati does in one day and to the same standard unless you are taking breaks from work for hours in the day That’s the whole point of why SAHMs are valuable. Don’t try to belittle what they do.

I work 4 days . On a Friday I pretend that I've done LOADS of stuff- cleaning etc.

In reality I drop ds at school, go to fat club and stay to group, go for a coffee and a mooch round town, crochet for a while... then leg round putting the washer on / sweeping visible bits of floor. Pick ds up then make dinner for when dh gets in.

I love it and would never give up my Friday off ((even though dh thinks I should)

No it's not a snipe at all - I'm answering the question of what I do in a typical day.

Do you suppose SAHMs sit in suspended animation?

If I was at work it is a fact that a lot of the things I do would not get done. Or they would get done, but to a lesser extent. Basically, DH or someone else would have to pick up some of the slack.

Gladiola44 everybody has different ideas of what’s done properly I suppose so the standards differ. I have friends who have to scrub their kitchen floor everyday, make pastry and bread from scratch and yes they do work. I find them a little pedantic and at the moment I’m on maternity leave and I wouldn’t do the latter! What’s important to one isn’t important to another. I’m sure they’re are SAHM that do more cleaning/cooking than WOHM and vice versa. We all prioritise differently. I was told on one thread why make life harder than it has to be but I don’t think it’s that simple.

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I also agree that the more time you have the more housework you can do (in theory.) However I don’t think you can generalise and say every sahm is an all signing all dancing domestic goddess and every WOHP is a cutting corners fishfingers in the oven cleaning avoider. It completely depends on the person and I think you get all types within both category’s.

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I wanted to point out that most working mothers do this on top of having to work. This is what winds many working mother up I guess. I am seeing it from both sides.

Why do you want to point that out? I don't know any SAHP who don't realise that they would either have to fit things around a job if they worked. I do think it's these kind of comments that wind up SAHP.

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Families that have 2 working parents get the benefit of 2 incomes, career progression, the security of not relying on one oncome for everything. It's not as if woh comes with no upsides. Yes, wohp who come home and have to do what a sahp does during the day are busier, but you are financially compensated. Sah comes with different upsides and downsides (excluding the super rich here because that isn't the reality for most . Swings and roundabouts innit?

Is there a hierarchy among working mums?

Some working mums fit round the school day and have minimal extra help. Others work longer than the school day and have full time help - childcare, cleaners etc..

Which one is the pinnacle of motherhood?

My children are late teens so I guess I can’t be called a SAHM but I don’t work. I don’t even do any housework as we have a cleaner/housekeeper. The reason I don’t work is because we don’t need the money so I would have to love what I did, and so far I haven’t ever experienced that. I do occasional voluntary work, meet friends for lunch, prepare good meals, buy things for the house and plan dinner parties.

I’m aware most people would find this mind blowingly boring but I really am so content- I’m in my early 50’s and just think of it as early retirement. Dh loves what he does so unfortunately I can’t see him retiring any time soon.

Aroundtheworldandback Maybe you should change that to ‘fortunately’ you may not want dh under your feet all of the time. A colleague I used to work with said she wanted to ship her dh back to work

this extra work does get done by wohms AND to the same standard. I hope you are referring to single Mums because otherwise what a depressing statement - WOHMs are working and doing everything a SAHM is doing - why on earth are you allowing your partners to get away with doing nothing?