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Original poster

SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

996 replies

Fruem · 16/01/2018 20:31

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

OP posts:
speakout · 20/01/2018 07:35

Chienrouge exactly!

falang · 20/01/2018 07:39

Well why even bother commenting on a post that specifically asks what you do all day Banyantree?

Spikeyball · 20/01/2018 07:55

Housework and household stuff
Cooking - all meals are cooked before ds gets home from school
Shopping
Walking
Stuff related to ds - making resources, meeting with other parents of children with asd, attending courses and sorting out appointments/ paperwork
Resting if ds has been up for a particularly long time in the night.

Connebert · 20/01/2018 08:00

Agree 100% with Pagwatch, having been at home in a foreign country with unrecognised qualifications because of circumstances for 20 years. But during that time I never stopped doing minor bits of work from home whenever it came my way, which, of course, despite being exhausting and low-paid, was never seen as work. I started to prepare to do something as soon as the last one was old enough, and am now finding myself doing the hours one usually has to do when starting off, but at a much later stage in life.
But does anyone seriously think it’s actually ok not to be able to earn a living, should it become necessary?

Connebert · 20/01/2018 08:02

And Chienrouge -surely that depends on how useful your job is, how much input it requires and how much you like it?

Chienrouge · 20/01/2018 08:05

Connebert I still think it’s preyty sad if it’s the only interesting thing you can find to do. There are so many fun/interesting/educational things to do.

speakout · 20/01/2018 08:16

Does having a useful, interesting and likeable job render you incapable of spending enjoyable time outside work?

Pagwatch · 20/01/2018 08:26

The thing about being bored to death if not at work is that, in an ideal world, we will all be retired at some stage.

I read about people being bored when not at work and suddenly the cafe at the garden centre being rammed everyday with pensioners and the entire afternoon output of terrestrial tv makes sense.

Tullula · 20/01/2018 08:44

I’m a SAHM to two kids with Tourette’s syndrome. Sometimes they need me to pick them up early from school because they can’t cope/ sometimes they have Hospital appointments.

Because I’m their mum, people still ask me when I’m going back to work.

If I was their paid carer/ support worker I would have the standing and credibility of having a paid job and that would be acceptable in some people’s eyes.

Namechange16 · 20/01/2018 08:57

Sahms big up their role entirely. I feel I'm qualified on this as I have the best of both worlds. I'm sorry but being a sahm mother is a doddle with school aged kids.... don't try to over play it. However, when my kids weren't school aged and both were at home (especially on my 2years of mat leave) some days (not all) I thought I'd rather be at work.

Like many I have no cleaning/coking etc help so when I get home after teaching and being 'on call' to my kids (because if anything goes wrong I have to get them) I have to make them tea, clean the kitchen etc, put them to bed on my own if dh is late from work etc.

A sahm has time during the day to lead up to this after school malarkey (I know I do on my 2 lovely days off).

I work 3 days a week, used to be 2. Been like this for 5 years. I can say this: sahms with preschool age kids have it as hard as working parents with no help. Sahms of school age children are living the dream, but don't try to make out it's hard, own it. It's not.

AnachronisticCorpse · 20/01/2018 09:03

I don’t think anyone’s trying to make out it’s hard?

I’ve seen more bitterness from WOHMs towards SAHMs than the other way round.

Not everyone has a fulfilling career, not everyone enjoys being at home. Not everyone can afford to SaH, conversely not everyone can afford to work.

I really never understand the vitriol on these threads.

I’m at home, my kids are at school. Some days it’s the best life ever, some days I’m bored shitless, some days there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s a bit like when I worked really. It’s just life.

moochypooch · 20/01/2018 09:12

Sahms of school age children are living the dream, but don't try to make out it's hard, own it. It's not. Wow - I haven't seen anyone on this thread saying SAHMs have it hard - please enlighten us by directing us to the post because it feels like it's all in your head.

Tullula · 20/01/2018 09:26

Just curious if that was in reply to my comment - namechange?
I wasn’t bigging up my role. Simply pointing out that being an official paid support worker has more prestige than a mum, and I don’t know why this is.

The point came home to me when a shop assistant for some reason started chatting about their mum being a support worker for an autistic kid. And I realised that’s what I do - just not officially.

I have guilt for not working and not ‘contributing’ to society. But I actually am because my two kids with additional needs are succeeding in their life and are likely to get on to tertiary education.

Mumsnet should ban these horrible threads.

Namechange16 · 20/01/2018 09:27

soupdragon I'm trying highlight that in this situation the actual care that a sahm and working mother of school age children provide during the day is the same. We are ALL full time mothers.

Namechange16 · 20/01/2018 09:34

moochypooch I think it was just the way some of the sahms were listing all the things they do in a day. I wanted to point out that most working mothers do this on top of having to work. This is what winds many working mother up I guess. I am seeing it from both sides.

I like having the balance of a career and being at home. I feel very lucky. I couldn't do either all the time. Not at all. I have school holidays off though.

We all have mother's guilt no matter what we do.

Chienrouge · 20/01/2018 09:39

I wanted to point out that most working mothers do this on top of having to work

Well yeah. But the question was ‘what do you do during the day’, not ‘what do you do during the day that WAHM’s don’t do’

PasstheStarmix · 20/01/2018 09:47

Namechange16 Completely agree and some pp’s state they have it harder than WOHP when they have extra time than WOHP and generalise that WOHP aren’t on call for their dc or picking them up from school which often isn’t the case. Mothers work and are on call for their kids too just as SAHM are and they pick their kids up from school as work the hours to do that. WOHP are not better than SAHM/home makers and vice versa; everybody situations are different and nobody needs to justify it. It’s not a competition yet so many feel they have to make it into one. I feel it’s because SAHM/home makers with school age dc feel the need to prove themselves maybe because of constant judgement. Threads like this exist because of that judgement I think.

PasstheStarmix · 20/01/2018 09:48

everybody’s

PasstheStarmix · 20/01/2018 09:51

Yes Chienrouge but the thread also wasn’t what do you do that a WOHP doesn’t do either. A lot were trying to state they do more and how women at work aren’t there for their kids the same way which I and many others don’t agree with.

moochypooch · 20/01/2018 09:58

I feel it’s because SAHM/home makers with school age dc feel the need to prove themselves maybe because of constant judgement. I agree but I would extend that to all Mums regardless of their employment status. Society judges us and we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. The minute anyone posts anything about what they feel is good about or to justify their choice - some people see it as an attack....sometimes it ain't all about you!

Spikeyball · 20/01/2018 09:58

Saying that anyones life is a doodle if they are a sahm isn't true though is it? Yes they get a rest whilst their child is at school but the rest of the time it could be much more difficult.

Chienrouge · 20/01/2018 10:08

Yes Chienrouge but the thread also wasn’t what do you do that a WOHP doesn’t do either

That’s what I meant. The thread is just ‘what do you do?’ Not ‘what do you do that everyone else doesn’t?’

I’ve seen precisely one person on this thread say they do more than a WOHP does.
My children are pre school age (and I get enough judgement for that) so I don’t know what it’s like to be a SAHM to school age children. But if I was, I imagine I would appreciate being about to get all the household jobs done in peace.

Chienrouge · 20/01/2018 10:11

What does it matter if someone’s life is easier than yours? Does that mean they should go out and get a job, even if they have no need to, so that it’s ‘fair’? I really don’t get it.
Many people have it easier than me for various reasons, many have it harder. That’s life.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/01/2018 10:11

And surely most working mothers don't pick-up their kids from school. Some yes but most don't.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/01/2018 10:11

And surely most working mothers don't pick-up their kids from school. Some yes but most don't.