SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

It means there are lots of men who aren’t interested in playing a role in family life and instead aspire to be corporate slaves, giving their life Over to “the man” for a fraction of the money it’s worth, and being conditioned to believe that makes them successful

I absolutely believe my dh's career would not be as good if I wasn't a sahp. There is no way he would have been able to relocate abroad if I'd been working and he'd had to do his 50% of the chilcare - bit difficult to collect them from the childminder if you are in another country!
Being able to temporarily relocate was directly related to promotion.
As was being able to do an MBA while working ft - again very difficult if you have dc to look after as well.

It often gets said on these goady threads that if both partners worked ft they could buy in help, but that assumes they earn enough to pay a nanny and the associated costs of a bigger house/additional car etc. Plenty of people earn well but not enough to pay a whole salary out of their family income.

I was always quite clear that I am happy to be a sahp or work in my chosen career and fully share family responsibilities. What I'm not willing to do is work ft and get lumbered with all the wifework or do a mcjob, to facilitate dh's career because that is the worst of both worlds - no career but no quality down time either!

I willingly became a SAHM.
And yes that supported my OHs career.
It was done for my children however. The fact that it also supported him was an aside.

No one can tell me it was a bad decision- it has worked out perfectly for us as a family.

The system is fucked- we do what we can to make the best lives we can.

Did the “I’m not being goady, honest” OP come back? No? What a surprise.

Currently heavily pregnant so I nap a lot and not much else! When I wasn't pregnant I would meet a friend for a cup of tea and a game of cribbage at least a couple of times a week but now I just can't manage to get out of the house. Only doing the bare bones of housework these days too. Mostly I just have a lot of time to spend on the computer!

I don't think you can presume that "working full time" means 9-6 or something along those lines. My DH is an entrepreneur, there has never been any such thing as set working hours or a given salary. If he needs to travel, work in the evenings, whatever, he has always done that and that's the lifestyle we have adapted to as a family. Obviously, it wouldn't suit everybody, but it is what it is. If he had to do 50% childcare in his time out of work, there is no way he would have been so successful. That would be impossible. For a start, he is very rarely out if "work mode," so he can't focus on the DC the way I can.

People are all different and find their motivation in different ways. I would rather give my energy to our four DC than to any other job and I feel fortunate to have been able to do that. It's about playing to your strengths and making the most of opportunities.

But who cares? If he wants to be so successful if can’t work out how to look after his children he shouldn’t have had them. Certainly as a single parent his ”entrepreneurship” would be over. What a selfish man

Dh earns a good wage

He would have loved to have stayed home or at least been home more often

If we had earned the same or similar amount i think we would have shared the childcare

Friends of mine took it in turns for periods of years to be at home with their children

I would sew and set up my own company but I love my voulenteer job to much to leave and now they are going to employ me as I do to many hours bit more pocket money for the household. I'd bake to but then I'd get fat so would need to join the gym. Then housework and do more cooking. That would probably take all the time up .

Lots of crafting going on! What are you all making?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun I knit cardigans and hats for the SCBU. I also make some of the DC’s clothes (simple summer dresses etc), and home furnishings (curtains etc).

I've gone down to 4 days a week, Thursdays I used to commute, now I'm 'off'. Housework today, then I might make a cake, unpack a home delivery from ASDA.
Then I intend to lie on the sofa, watch telly, have a snooze and MN.
It's bloody great.

Cherry - does it really matter which parent does the lions share of the physical day-to-day caring and which one does the financial providing? The main thing is that you're a partnership and it gets done. Whatever makes life easiest.

I've recently given up a second part time job and have went from working about 25 hours a week over 3 days to working 6-8 hours a week over 1 or 2 days. It's amazing. I do a lot of the same things i did when I was working more so exercise, cook and clean plus look after DD2 (2years) and do school run and pre-school runs. I just get a lot more cleaning, washing, ironing etc done and my house is so much cleaner, tidier and organised. Mess bothers me a lot so I'm more mentally well now which has a really positive impact on our family life. DH works a lot of hours (compulsory overtime not because I've stopped working) and it's taken the heat off of him massively to help in the house as it's all done. It's made my home a happier place to be.

Because you have a father who (in extreme cases identified here) have little involvement and influence on their children’s lives. And that’s really sad. And what they’re openly saying is that’s not important to them. What’s important to them is being at the office. What a life.

It's made my home a happier place to be..

Prior to having DC2 I was off sick for the majority of my pregnancy and being able to be at home was wonderful. The house was tidier, I was more rested, I got to spend more quality time with DS1 and also with my husband and we ate better because I was home to prepare proper meals. Life was easier and less stressful.

Since having the baby though it’s all gone to pot again

As an aside, both DH and I have been able to flourish in our careers - a SAHM isn’t a necessity to enable good progression in ones career.

If a man is in a career which means he will not see his children or be able to contribute to their rearing or care of them, then he should have considered what was the point in having them instead of expecting his wife to give up her career and prospects to look after them so he doesn’t have to do his share and allow him to ‘flourish’. It comes across as a very selfish attitude in my opinion.

Exactly queen. Both H and I have successful careers and high salaries and have managed it without needing to be chained to the office 12 hours a day. That’s not successful, that’s a really shit job.

The problem is men are conditioned to believe that is success

Cherrycokewinning but having a hardworking father/SAHM means that kids are at home all day in a loving environment.

To me that's a big bonus.

That’s not what it means, tbf, that’s your interpretation of what your situation means. And you maybe right. Although I would argue that a) having a job doesn’t make you hard working and b) a SAHM doesn’t equal a living environment just as childcare doesn’t equal an unloving one.

What makes you think that zzz? I’ve not made any comment on how families should work. However I do think it’s the great unsaid that the reason these men don’t get involved in family life is often because they don’t actually care. I’ve seen enough of it from the other side.

And the reason why both my parents worked as much as they did was because neither of them cared much about family life - that was so much better at least it was equal - that was how I consoled myself!