SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

I'm impressed at how contented people are and how they manage to fill their days with fulfilling things and friends (and I mean that in a non patronising way, I promise). I work full time, but had a 3 month break a while back. I was bored and lonely. I'd go to the gym every day, pop to the shops, clean. That took me to midday and then I got bored and lonely. I don't know any sahm and I wasn't off long enough to look into volunteering etc. I'm worried about how I will cope in the future when I retire tbh,

Ha! I have a toddler and am pregnant.... cleaning and washing IS my day.

My husband works 13 hour days with 45 commute so I get my toddler up, make him breakfast do the washing up, put the washing on, clean the floors (house has three storeys and all wood floors) which can take a long time as the toddler is potty training and at the moment I keep finding poo everywhere which i have to scrub off the floor.
We live off the road so i have to sort the rubbish and recycling and take it up to the road, up a very steep hill. I will play with my son for a little while or read with him.
Then i usually make lunch and clean up after that. Then we often go out to the park or to the shop both of which are 30 mins away up a very steep hill so it takes several hours. My toddler likes to walk but is very very slow, he also likes to 'help' with the shopping... so again something which would take ten mins alone will take an hour. Then we might go to the cafe for a coffee or just go home we are tired or the weather is terrible. Sometimes we visit my friend who has a child the same age, but she works so its only on her day off.

When we get home i put the shopping away (again my toddler helps so it takes a long time) Do any cleaning thats needed that day like the bathroom or living room whilst my son plays in his room. Sort out tea for my son and myself and get together what im going to make for my husband.
Then my son has a bath which again takes ages. We tidy up his room together. I try to get him to do as much of that as possible himself but obviously that takes a very long time.
Usually my husband gets back about 9.30 and my son has just got into bed. We alternate days for reading to my son so some nights he will read and ill just go and have a bath or watch tv and other nights i will read a story.

Every so often I will get the train into the city for the day with my son. That would take up the whole day and would mean I had loads extra to do at home the day after. I also have loads extra to do on the day after my husband goes back to work after having a day off because we usually all go out together as a family when he is off so i dont do any housework on those days. He will do all the washing up when he is off though so I dont have to catch up on that. He will also cook when he is off.

And my house still always seems to be a tip!! Am worried about whats going to happen when i have the new baby as well!!
My son will be starting nursery 15 hours a few months after the new baby arrives so hopefully that will help me. Although I think im going to be trying to get a nap in those hours rather than doing any housework!

'who dont have to look after the kids all day ' ha sorry i completely missed that sentence!!! ignore me!!

Passthecake I was off initially for 6 months and cried my way through it, so lonely and so bored. Went back FT for a year then couldn’t cope as had a lot doing on on top of dd so I quit again and been off nearly a year now and initially was down and couldn’t believe how pointless life was but now I’m very content. Just like a new job, some people have to take time to get used to being at home. I should probably go back to work now but I am actually really enjoying being at home. I had a high pressure job, very good salary but long hours and not so much time for dd. I thought I loved working life and prior to dd never wanted to not work. It’s only after a year off I can see how much less stressed I feel. I’m fitter healthier and my mental health is so much better. Just like a job, obviously there’s days where I’m like ahh god I’m bored but now I do things to stop myself getting bored. I activity plan a whole week ahead so I haven’t got time to be bored. I don’t have to do much cleaning or any cooking and do school run maybe once or twice a week. I still have a nanny for dd but spend a lot of time with her as well but am really enjoying my time now. I keep saying I’m going to apply but then think ahhh maybe next week

Pass I think it depends on personality too. I have a lot of drive at work but don't at home. On days off, once jobs are done I read or slob. I don't have the qualities to fill my time productively as many people seem to be able to do.

I have 2 days a week where the children are at school and I'm at home. One of those DH finishes at lunch time, so we spend a bit of time together.

Other than that - meet a friend for coffee, prep tea/pack stuff for the after school activities, catch up with house or paperwork, do a bit of yoga/pilates and a lot MN

There are thousands of SAHMs (& Dads) who do volunteering - who do you think runs the Food Banks, Homeless shelters, Womens' refuges, meals on wheels, The Samaritans, lunch clubs for the elderly, riding for the disabled, litter picks, Parish Councils, clearing footpaths, mother and toddler groups etc etc etc ? There are so many organisations that rely on volunteer labour (even where there might be one or two paid employees) - the country would grind to a halt if it wasn't for volunteers. (And yes, I do appreciate that working people also volunteer as well).

Thanks Stealth and Polar, I think when it is my turn to retire I'll have to ease into it with semi-retirement, I'm glad it's not just me incapable of finding enough to do to keep me going at home. Well there is plenty of cleaning... but no inspiration!

I cry. A lot.

Oh duck 🦆... Why?

@Nanna50 if that was aimed at me I did retract and apologise afterwards

As well as the cleaning, laundry and cooking for 6 people:
I do the school and nursery run ( 1.5 hours per day), garden maintenance (3/4 of an acre) which includes a large amount of hedgecutting which I do all year round as by the time I've finished I'm back to where I started, DIY, repairs and redecoration on a 5 bedroom older property ( lots), pet care for a dog a cat and 6 chickens as well as the additional cleaning they create, management of the finances including regularly checking statements, and making sure we have the best deal on insurance ( house, 2 cars), credit card, internet, mobiles, savings and investments. I also look after my youngest child for all but the 15 hours per week she is at nursery, and the other children from 3.15 pm onwards. Currently I am doing a training course one morning a week. I volunteer as a school governor which entails attending meetings, carrying out monitoring visits which are always during the school day and writing a reports on my observations.
I also find time in the day to use MN as my 'me' time is dispersed throughout the day although I don't usually get to sit down in the evening until after 9pm.

My 20 month old recently started doing two days a week at nursery and I do whateverthefuck I want on those days, except for normal day-to-day housework - that is not allowed. I usually drop him off, come home, take a cuppa to my 'studio' (aka the closet in our second bedroom where I built a worktable and storage for my art supplies) and do some brain dump writing and thinking or work on a creative project until lunch. Then I either go out by myself for lunch or make something at home and watch a bit of telly. In the afternoon I run errands or nap.

I have no local family/support and my DS has only recently started occasionally sleeping through the night and having a decent nap during the day. By the time he started nursery I was in mental health crisis and feel like a new person now that I have specific time set aside every week for self-care. I am more patient and relaxed with DS and he seems calmer and happier so even though it felt like an outrageous luxury when we started, I know it is also an investment in our wellbeing as a family.

StealthPolarBear

You sound similar to me, I need the structure & routine of work. I am super productive & organised at work but home nope.

I’m also a bad Mumsnetter as I don’t meal plan, or have a budget spreadsheet or hoover twice a day 😁

I have plenty of time for hoovering. Can't be arsed

Not twice a day anyway - perhaps 3 times per week?

sorry but the person who seems to think that SAHM does more with a 3.5 hr break during the day is having a laugh!

Working single Mum
0545 - 0630 shower, toilet, dress, make bed
0630 - 0700 - make breakfasts, make packed lunches, pack stuff for work - get children up and dressed.
0700-0720 - feed, wash up out the door
0730 - drop with friend for shared school drop M-W
0730- 0815 - commute to work - go through post, read kindle (yah!)
0815 - work.
Lunchtime a packed sandwich at my desk so no leisurely one hour lunch break you are having a laugh!! Work through lunch so I can leave early!
commute home pick up kids 1800
1800 - homework, whilst I cook tea
All sit down to eat 1845ish.
No techno half an hour where we talk, argue plan the week, moan etc
wash up, putload of washing up, depending on day of week, a room to clean.
Bed time 2030 for kids
Me sit down and check for tomorrow - slob, go on xercise machine, read, pay the bills, plan the holidays, check maintenance etc
Bed

No way does any working parent just do a 7.5 hr day!!

The whole, my other half could not do his job if I worked , I am sorry is just rubbish. It requires compromise on both sides, because if you had to - you would make it work.

You can't presume to know that life. Everyone's family set ups are different.

Technically I am not a SAHM as ds is at uni. We are currently abroad and there is no imperative for me to work, so my time is my own. You do find a rhythm to your day eventually, and structure your week so you have some set activities to break it up. I am looking forward to returning to the UK, and finding a part time job for 7 years,or so to top up my NICs for my state pension.

OP only posted one other time? Perhaps they didn’t get the response they’d hoped for when they started the thread.

Anyway, I’ve found the thread very interesting and have realised that I can structure my day as I would when I was working FT. Did that today and it worked out very well.

I’m currently on maternity and have a 3.5 year old and a 5 month old. On the days where both children are having me with me I feel frazzled all day and collapse into my bed at nighttime. Housework just doesn’t get done and every minute is spent either tending to the baby or the other one, it’s relentless.

The parents that cope with this day after day are bloody heroes.

I don’t go back to work for a few months yet and although I work in a very demanding job and long hours I still believe I will find it less tiring than my current set-up.

Surely the point of the SAHP is that they can fully support their kids by going to any school event that's important to the child - nativity, concerts, sports day? The child always has a parent to take them to school, pick them up & taxi them to after school clubs. There is always a parent to look after them during holidays/sick days instead of passing them onto poor granny.

They also make life easier for the working parent. Most of the domestic work in done during the day & the working parent has pretty much nothing to do but work & come home.

The only person that suffers in the long term is the SAHP. They don't really need to justify their day.

life

Why compromise and both work than have a sahp if that's what you want.
Many people are happy to allow one career to progress, we hear how hard it is for working mothers all the time.
The fact that lots of men with sahm partners careers thrive, obviously means that the mans career wouldn't be as good without the sahm.
I think that's obvious.

Sorry the implication tht working parents do not support their children as much is so insulting.

I make sports matches, nativity plays, drama recitals, singing etc. It is all about planning ahead and sorting your life out. The implication that for 3 days of the week my DCs suffer because i do not drop them off and pick them up is so insulting. My DCs love going to their aunty after school 1 day per week, she cooks them different food in the summer she ahs them in the garden digging weeding - stuff I loathe.

If being a SAHM is fine, if it suits you fine - but the constant criticism of those who do work and the little nit picking on how it is better for everyone and supporting their man - is all fine until the divorce.

I thank god I did not become a SAHM - thought about it - because right now I would be screwed, dependent on benefits and struggling as a single Mum.

The fact that lots of men with sahm partners careers thrive, obviously means that the mans career wouldn't be as good without the sahm
think that's obvious

Utter tosh. What's obvious is men usually have better chances of their careers 'thriving' in general, once children come into play