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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

a rant about an overly needy friend

106 replies

ColaCube22 · 16/01/2018 12:54

I'm feeling like a bag of crap and I just want a rant.
Does anyone have someone in their life that just drains them and it's almost impossible to ditch them permanently because they are so emotional?
So anyway, my HG is still in full force and it's just a struggle to get from A to B each day. Most days I've still got my head in the toilet or basin.
Being bombarded with phone calls and texts about this drama and that drama from said 'friend'. I've always been there to listen and offer whatever advise I can, I've tried to say on several occasions that I'm sorry but I just can't help just now, I can't focus and what little energy I have is just surviving. On deaf ears!
She's absolutely a hypochondriac. Obsessed over thought. If she has pms it's not pms, she says she's on the bipolar spectrum. If she feels like tidying it's not a whim to have a deep clean, it's OCD.
I was in hospital yesterday to get rehydration and I had atleast 10 messages progressing into a rant about issues with feeling abandoned and I should reply because now she's panicking. I explained what happened and I was asked not to talk about being sick as it's a trigger for her bulimia. She was not like this when met at work, i feel kind of duped, as though it was just act.
I'm not meaning to sound insensitive, none of the conditions she says she have been officially diagnosed. We've had these conversations and she pinned it on the doctors being incompetent and not believing her.
Thankfully we don't work together anymore but I just feel stuck with her, if I tell her all of this, I really don't know how she'd behave.

OP posts:

Original poster

ColaCube22 · 16/01/2018 17:00

lord thank you, hopefully it will be smooth sailing and not a terrible reaction.

thesmall it's so draining isn't it? I'm glad I posted, I thought I might have been unreasonable, not being supportive but the responses from everyone has really been great. Hope you get your situation sorted too, there has been some good advise today. I'm not sure if I've fixed the issue yet as I've not got a text back but atleast I've plucked up the courage to do it.

OP posts:

Qvar · 16/01/2018 17:02

Would your husband help you out and field your calls until she fucks off? She’s not a friend, she’s a vampire.

Somelikeitchilly · 16/01/2018 17:07

Good message OP.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 16/01/2018 17:08

Good message Cola. Well done.

Dizzybintess · 16/01/2018 17:09

I worked with a volunteer like this (adding a sprinkling Of SA and SH) and it made me mentally ill myself! It was a constant worry and the person couldn’t see that they were in the wrong at all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/01/2018 17:09

Great message OP. Hope you feel better soon

Pollaidh · 16/01/2018 17:12

Stress will make your HG worse. You need to block her. I was in hospital with HG and there was no way on earth I'd be putting up with this.

Hortonlovesahoo · 16/01/2018 17:13

Good message OP. I’ve had similar with a “friend” during my first pregnancy that I ended up having to shout at to get her to listen as she wasn’t listening to my texts or polite requests when I needed to rest (she’d call at 10.30pm and want to “chat” )

Estellanpip · 16/01/2018 17:15

Great reply, but I fear it will make her become competitive with her myriad problems.
HG is hellish, hellish! I would block her personally. Silver lining= you no longer work with her.
Hoping you feel better soon

Mitzimaybe · 16/01/2018 17:22

SmallClanger
"this person genuinely doesn't seem to have many other people to turn to"

There's a reason for that. No one else will put up with it.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

ZoopDragon · 16/01/2018 17:22

She's not a real friend. She's using you. If she really cared she would put her own troubles to one side for a bit and focus on you.

HG is utter hell. I've been there. You can't afford to waste precious energy on someone like that. I'd send a message along the lines of 'I'm sorry you're suffering, but I'm too ill to help you right now. I need to rest and focus on getting through this. I appreciate my illness is triggering for you, and I need to be around people who can support me right now, so I'm going to take a break from our friendship. I wish you all the best'. Ignore or block any calls/texts.

On a practical note, have you tried ondansetron? It's the gold standard anti emetic for HG. It helped me a bit. Most people find HG eases up a bit from 20 weeks, mine lasted the whole pregnancy but I did feel a bit better after 20 weeks. Rest as much as you can. Suck on ice lollies and sip flat coke. This too shall pass

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 16/01/2018 17:28

Block her.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 17:28

Block her number and don't look back, she is no friend, but an emotional vampire!

Palegreenstars · 16/01/2018 17:30

Hope all goes well - you did the right thing

brizzledrizzle · 16/01/2018 17:31

She's not overly-needy, she's overly-twattish.

I came on to the thread thinking maybe you were being a little bit U until I read your full message.

HashiAsLarry · 16/01/2018 17:35

Great text. Hope you get some peace and feel better soon, though thats a little out of your control

FWIW I ended up having to do this with someone without having to deal with HG. She'd do the escalating things if I didn't respond. One day I was at a family funeral, phone off as you can expect, and she ended up hunting through my facebook friends and messaging a few of them - she left them with the impression DH was abusive. Its taken a few years to unravel that mess

Original poster

ColaCube22 · 16/01/2018 17:43

Hey zoop I've been prescribed Stemetil, it was good for a couple of days but now when I take it being sick seems worse. My body goes through the motions, cramping, it coming up and goes back down then comes up and it's quite a sore kind of sick. I think it just seems to prolong the feeling as oppose to easing it. They also make me very drowsy!
I'm going to be phoning the GP tomorrow about my sickline so I'll mention it then. 20 weeks, oh I hope so, just another 8 long weeks!

OP posts:

Hissy · 16/01/2018 17:47

That is a cracking text Op! Well done!

Original poster

ColaCube22 · 16/01/2018 17:59

qvar oh I don't think my husband would be very subtle. A spade is a spade with him and I think he wouldn't be very gentle with his response. He couldn't be bothered with it and I think she may use his reaction in a very bad way, as though he was being aggressive towards her (even though he wouldn't be) just very assertive.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 18:03

Good she need someone like your dh to tell it how it is, as people like her don't get it.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 18:05

That message was far too polite, you need to be firm and don't suffer fools with her. She is not a good friend. How has she helped and supported you. Think it's very one sided!

RaeSkywalker · 16/01/2018 18:27

I had almost exactly the same situation OP- HG pregnancy, friend who wouldn’t leave me alone/ was constantly demanding my attention and support. I was exhausted by it, and it all came to a head when she shared a status about woman with pregnancy-related illnesses being selfish/ making a fuss about nothing. I don’t think it was aimed it me specifically, but it made me realise that she had no understanding of how unwell I was, because she never thought to ask. She knew I was in and out of hospital, but this obviously wasn’t a big deal for her. And she didn’t care enough about me to wonder if I’d be hurt by her saying that- I think I was just her emotional sounding board- she didn’t see me as a person in my own right.

We aren’t friends any more.

RaeSkywalker · 16/01/2018 18:28

I also agree with Zoop about Ondansetron.

Original poster

ColaCube22 · 16/01/2018 19:43

My goodness, I got a message from my work colleague that said 'friend' has been in shopping and having a general chit chat about how I'm not really as bad as I'm making out. She apparently was very keen to bring me up regardless if the conversation was on me.
Well I think blocking her is the only option.
I'm not worried about what she's said, It's clear that I'm not well, I've lost over a stone and a half. I'm a bit gobsmacked.

OP posts:

BashStreetKid · 16/01/2018 19:48

I wonder how she accounts for the fact that you've been hospitalised? No hospital admits people for the fun of it.

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