Does being cheated on change you?

[Lovespringtime]

Has it changed any of you? Will you always have your guard up?

Yes sadly it does.

If the person who cheated is genuinely sorry and the love for each other is still there it can work out but it takes time.

Yes. You can’t trust anyone ever again

Changed me completely. I am now hardened and cynical. I don't think I could ever properly trust any man again. And before people say that not all men are the same: I didn't think my xh was either.

Yes. I will never permit myself to trust someone implicitly again.

Yes. It's made me a tougher person. Which for some people can be seen as a good thing, but for me, not so much.

Yes it does sadly. I stayed with my DP after he had an affair but things will never be the same . I don't trust any men now and never will again.

I think there is always a part of you that you won't give away again. Self preservation.

Yes - it did. I was also on the opposite side of it as in my ExH was with someone when I met him but I was so swept up it never really thought and the overlap was only a couple of weeks.

I hate myself for that though as when he then did it to me, the pain was excrutiating and dragged out (he denied it all of course!) and I can't believe I did that

I am much more wary now or what people say and have no respect for those who seem to have no qualms about it.. and that was once me

Yes it has but 8 years on I am a much better person for it.

I still trust and I am open to love. I trust until someone gives me a reason not to.

BUT I don't suffer idiots. That's the good thing. When dating I have a one strike and you're out policy. I am strong, know what I want and am happy to wait for it x

My comment was based on my mum cheating on my dad once.

Sadly it changed me. Even 12 years later and married to a lovely man I am not so unconditionally trusting. If something seems odd I now always check it out and not just shrug it off. I am tougher and less innocent.

Personally been cheated on once, left him no DC. Been with my current DH for 6 years, never cheated but lied about some things and broke my trust, so in the process of separating not because of lies but also of other things. I need to be single for a long time before I get into another relationship and even then I'll never fully trust another man again. I will love him when the right person comes along, but will never 100% give my heart to him. I think I'll always have my guard and be a bit paranoid, it's sad that future DP/DH will pay for another mans mistakes, but can't help it.

Not forever.

I was very hurt and bitter for a good few years. I used to look at people getting married and think "what's the point!". But time heals and you have to trust people eventually or you're the one that loses out. Not everyone is bad. Some men have been cheated on and lied to as well. My husband had been to he'll and back with his ex and her cheating. We both appreciate the honesty and goodness in our relationship. Of course you have to go into any relationship with your eyes open and be aware that you don't know them, but you can't tar everyone with your ex's brush.

Yes it does. I don't think I will ever fully trust again and have zero desire to be in a relationship.

I think it depends on the person and circumstances, much like any bad other experience in life.

Yes, definitely - I never want to be in a relationship with a man ever again. However I'm four years on and very happily single, and I'm much more confident about doing everything for myself so it's not all bad!

Yes for a long time but you can get past it and learn to trust again. Counselling helps you to make sense of it all and get strong again. Much happier now than I have ever been (including before I was cheated on) there are some good men out there. Good luck OP

Yes I should have added I am very happy, far more confident in myself and life is very good!

Yes. You never trust in the same way.

I think it's the very worst effect of cheating. It makes you question your own judgement about everything and everyone. It robs you of your ability to trust someone without question, especially if you've been together for a very long time and all seemed well. After all, if he can, then anyone can.
It shifts your view of the world in a similar way to when you're a victim of a crime like being burgled or mugged. All 3 have happened to me so I can compare them from experience.
It robs you of something precious in yourself and I've never felt quite 'safe' again.

Yep I'm so suspicious of everyone. I've been fucked over a lot though and been abused physically and sexually so may impact it too. Although after being cheated on with the person I never expected to I had really bad anxiety, would wake up every hour in a panic as well. Still anxious but much better.

I honestly think most people cheat. At least now I won't be surprised if I am cheated on and I always have my eyes wide open.

A good thing for me is that I can now switch my feelings off for someone totally. If I split up with someone I don't cry, I just switch off emotionally. And I learned to be truly happy on my own for the first time. I could not break down because I had my son so just cracked on. I am seeing someone now and I'm happy but I feel powerful in that I am not afraid to be alone. It means I tolerate zero shitty behaviour and I get treated how I deserve to be.

I feel like because of everything I've been through, my expectations and standards for a man is so high, I'm afraid no man will measure up to them and I'll be single forever.

Yes it does change you. I found it very very hard to trust again and even now with new DP I find I hold a little of myself back, the same as someone else on here said.

It's probably right not to tar everyone with the same brush but whenever I see a wedding now I just want to shout Run Away!!!!!