Does being cheated on change you?

[Lovespringtime]

Has it changed any of you? Will you always have your guard up?

Yes, absolutely. I'm harder than I was. But it's also possible to move past it and have better relationships in the future. There's just a scar on your heart.

Isn't it terrible jun I feel the same when I see a wedding, I just think 'you'll see'.

RedForfilth.. sorry to hear that. But I understand what you mean about switching off your feelings really quickly for someone.

I know in the future if I get cheated on or have my trust broken, it's not gonna hurt as much as it did the first and second time round, cuz I ready have this wall up so I've kinda protected myself from 90% of the hurt. I don't know if that makes sense ..

It took away my ability to completely trust any future partners which was such a shame because the next person I met is my current DH who is the most trustworthy person. I still can’t completely trust him.

I also wanted to know if you tell your current DH/DP that you have trust issues and you can't trust him 100%, or do you just keep it to yourself?

I keep it to myself. I don’t think sharing it is useful because nothing he can say will change it and I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him. I’d hate to think he doesn’t trust me, even if it’s from a past experience.

I don't trust anyone and worst of all I don't trust my own judgement.

You never blindly trust again. You second guess your own judgement. It opens up your eyes very wide to every fault, off tone, lateness etc

I won’t ever let anyone 100% in again and I will never blindly trust again.

Yes it does change you I've been cheated on twice and it's made me very hard hearted and I don't trust anyone I have a very lovely honest decent loving boyfriend that has stuck by me for the last 5 months but I still find it difficult to trust even him and I find myself constantly telling him that he could do so much better and constantly having to make sure things are ok between us and that he's not up to anything and he is always telling me that we are fine and he's not doing anything wrong which at the back of my mind I know he Isn't and he always has to reassure me that we won't spilt up. Being cheated on has left me feeling like I don't deserve to be in a relationship and I don't deserve to be loved and there must be something wrong with me to make 2 different men cheat on me.

Yes it did change me. I actually didn’t think it had changed me that much at the time. I was incredibly hurt and then I was terribly insecure. I got over it after a while and though I was ok. Over ten years later I realise that I am actually more changed and affected that I thought as the time, I think I was too busy being in survival mode to notice.

Yeah, I think so. I'm still very early days - I found out my XP was cheating on me in November. I now find myself questioning whether or not people are being truthful; it's made me very cynical. Obviously I can't say whether it's a permanent thing but right now, I can't imagine trusting anyone ever again.

Yeah it's made me stronger and less accepting of any sort of bullshit. Initially I was a bit of a bitch and had three relationships in a year and a half and split with them all as soon as they said they had feelings because I didn't want to be in a relationship with feelings involved.

It’s made me more relaxed in a strange way. If someone is going to cheat, you can’t stop them.

It made me very cautious at the start of my current relationship though as the last 2 exes had cheated. I thought I’d never trust anyone ever again.

7 years on and remarried. Part of me is damaged by it. By that and some quite nasty emotional abuse. I think I will always sleep with one eye open sadly, which isn't fair on current dh. I don't see a time when I won't feel shocked by how much my then not so dh of 20 yrs apparently hated me😒

Yes it changed me. It changed everything.

I was seven months pregnant when I found out. Our daughter was two. We were married.

I just knew when he came home from a 'works party'.

This is the kicker - he already knew I had pre-eclampsia. I started bleeding, went into hospital, our son was born prematurely. I had PND.

For reasons of my vulnerability I suspect, I forgave him. He did it again three years later. With a different woman from his work.

And he did it to her.

And he did it again.

And again.

My children are young adults now. They do not deserve this dreadful man as a father, and I didn't see him coming.

I have cried and fucking despaired at the damage he has done so casually to me and my children.

So yes, it changes you. It changes the paths your children might have had. It changes everything.

Yes. I'm cynical about weddings too and am always suspicious that happy marriages aren't always what they seem.

Yes. IMO there is always some form of lasting effect it has on the person who has been wronged.

This is very interesting to read. My STBXH has had an EA which he hid in plain sight. I found hundreds of emails full of love towards her and how I could never compare. It’s with my every single day of my life and it has definitely destroyed my self worth. I am in counselling. Separated for 18 months now.

I want to trust again and I would love to be ina relationship. I am scared to try again though and I think I will be much more guarded and not give myself fully.

No because I am ruthless when it comes to that. I don’t do ‘explanations’ or ‘second chances’ It happened once and when I found out I had initiated divorce within 24 hours. I didn’t ask for detail. I didn’t allow myself to cry or think about it. I cut him out like he was dead and didn’t speak of it again.

People have told me that it’s really unhealthy to deal with it like that but I moved on fast, telling myself he wasn’t worth my thoughts or tears every time I felt myself trying to think about it. It prevented me from mental torture and I was able to fall in love and happily remarry because I didn’t project past experience on to my new DH.

I would do it again for so much as a kiss or ‘sexting’. Self preservation has stopped me feeling bitter, torturing myself or changing me as a person.

Yes, definitely

My dh had an emotional affair. It changed me despite us working through it. I take zero crap from anyone, especially him.

I guess that's the good thing about going through something like this, it's that you'll never take shit from anyone again.

It has changed me so much. It's brought all the crap of my childhood to the fore. It's made me a terrible parent which I need help with but have no one to ask. It's made me feel worthless and more insecure than I've ever been. So so shit

But you do have to take shit from these cunts when you have children together. Handovers, Christmas, birthdays, illnesses, school events - they are writ large up their in your sky and you aren't legally allowed to 'cut them dead'.

@linedpaper

I get my current husband to deal with him regarding arrangements. If I HAVE to talk to him I keep talk very strictly on the topic of kids. Any attempts at talk of ‘us’ or the ‘past’ is cut stone cold dead. He can’t take back what he did so no point picking at old wounds.