Does being cheated on change you?

[Lovespringtime]

Has it changed any of you? Will you always have your guard up?

I am a lot harder now. Still with him but he didn't get away with it and has to live with the knowledge that I met and slept with 2 other men when I found out what he had done. That actually hurt him more than his cheating hurt me despite me being free to do as I wanted as I kicked him out at the time. Serves him right.

100percent it does change you. You suddenly realism how vulnerable you leave yourself to people,it does get better but I can't say all these years later that I'm not more septic all or wary of people and situations. I tend to analyse thing's now where as before I took things on face value. It's pretty shitty actually but I don't think it makes you manic or bitter for eternity it just changes your view on a lot of things and your perception of ppl and situations becomes a bit harder and colder in general. It's an eye opener albeit a horrible one to have to experience

Stupid auto correct,I meant sceptical. You get the jist

It made me harder and more cynical, whereas before I was romantic and trusting. But I trust my second dh implicitly in that way, and know I am 100% right to.

I don’t think you can ever trust a cheater again, you can fool yourself into thinking you can but something changes and you can’t ever get that 100% trust back.

Being in a completely trusting relationship is so different.

I was cheated on when I was very young. Early 20s and dp of same age. I put it down to him being young and inexperienced.

I had the exact same experience over 10 years later in my early 30s. Same exact scenario. He was cheating and too gutless to.end it and instead of ending it he behaved belligerently to me for months and I blew my top eventually and he left for that because of my outburst and blamed me to cover up his cheating. Only I found out just as I found out the same from.my first bf.

The next one cheated too.

I look at all relationships with scorn and mistrust and I dont believe good in anyone in the dating world.

So yes it does change you

Yes you fundamentally change over time from hurt and anger to acceptance and not trusting to ......

what will never go away is that taint of sadness and the memory of when you found out and how bad it felt.

It may turn into something better later but that stomach churning, heart pounding moment of feeling you world fall apart, never ever goes.

Yes. It’s a life sentence.

You will always be a little more suspicious and never 100% trusting. Perhaps you'll also become more cynical and not believe in true love any more. The magic is gone and relationships seem more like convenient arrangements than fairy tales.

what will never go away is that taint of sadness and the memory of when you found out and how bad it felt.

Yes that is so true.

The hardest thing I found about being cheated on is that it takes all of your memories and it taints them with sadness.

You wonder if they ever loved you or how long it went on for.

Also people being happy and moving on at your expense is devastating.

Yes, most definitely. However, whilst there are a couple of things it changed about me that I don’t like, I think it has changed me for the better on the whole.

I tell my current boyfriend why me and my son's dad split because he asked. I wouldn't say I project onto our relationship but I make it clear what my expectations are from the start. I'd end things even over inappropriate messages because I respect myself more.
I'm not bitter or angry or even sad about it, but I am more fierce now which is a good thing as I was too timid before.

what will never go away is that taint of sadness and the memory of when you found out and how bad it felt

I agree with this. My first love cheated on me and it broke my heart. Years later, I have happy memories of our time together, but perhaps the way it ended is actually a good thing, as I think "Maybe that was a close escape", rather than "What if we'd stayed together?"

My DH is wonderful and I do trust him totally, but I think there's always a bit of "Well I didn't see it coming before, would I miss the signs again?" He knows that fidelity is a deal breaker and if he cheated, that would be the end of the marriage