Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding DC referring to parent by their first name

83 replies

TempusEejit · 15/01/2018 16:59

My teen DSC have recently started calling DH by his first name. He doesn't like it and much prefers being called Dad (and has told them so) but they still do it.

I know some kids address their parents by their first nameswhich is obviously fine for them but it doesn't sound "right" to me (or DH) but I'm not really sure why! And yes we know that if this is all DH has to worry about then he's doing ok Grin

But leaving the triviality of this issue aside I'm curious as to what others think, and any ideas as to how DH should address this his DC?

OP posts:
RefuseTheLies · 15/01/2018 17:03

My two year old calls me by my first name. She thinks she’s hysterical.

I used to call my own Mum by her first name now and again. Usually when I was being a smart arse Grin

keely79 · 15/01/2018 17:03

"If you want to be treated as my child (i.e. fed, clothed, housed, given pocket money, picked up and dropped off at places) you will call me Dad.

If you want to use my first name like one of my friends, I'll treat you accordingly - and you can pay your own way!"

KC225 · 15/01/2018 17:03

It'll be a phase - providing there is no underlying issue why the child doesn't want to refer to them as Dad. I would ignore it, don't react, it'll pass.

Original poster
TempusEejit · 15/01/2018 17:05

KC it's been a good six months now with the older DC. It's only now the younger one has just started doing it too that it's become particularly grating!

OP posts:
WunWun · 15/01/2018 17:07

Why are they doing it? Is there any undertone to it? Like that sort of dismissive, rude way some people call their mum Mother ? Not that everyone who calls their mum mother means it rudely, but there's a particular tone to it sometimes when the two don't get along.

Original poster
TempusEejit · 15/01/2018 17:07

Forgot to say started doing this with their mum as well around the same time (no idea whether it bothers her) so it's not as a reaction to something DH is/isn't doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
TempusEejit · 15/01/2018 17:11

No reason WunWun but I think there is an element of them feeling they are on an equal footing to their parents with regard to knowledge and life experience etc. Like most teenagers I guess! Except it's spilled over into first name use which just seems disrespectful somehow. But they use it all the time not just if they're making a point or pissed off.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 15/01/2018 17:12

DH starts calling the older one BabyBubs and the younger one ChunkyBum. Or similar.

'Well I'd rather call you both these names. It's usually polite to address someone by the name they prefer, such as Dad for example, but if you can't manage that, then I won't be affording either of you the same respect. Now pass me my slippers if you don't mind, there's a good BabyBubs'

Chocolatear · 15/01/2018 17:15

My brother and I called our father by his christian name. We started doing it in our teens and continued until he died.

No idea why we did it, he didn't object. We never called our mother anything but mum. We did call them Mr and Mrs Potato Head behind their backs!

WhooooAmI24601 · 15/01/2018 17:15

DS2 calls me by my first name sometimes. He's 7 and there's no undertone, it's just a habit he has. He says he just likes my name so I let him get on with it. He's not disrespectful or rude and I tend to think the more I make it into a big deal the more he's likely to persist.

If it really bothers him keely's words are direct and to the point.

bordyBored · 15/01/2018 17:16

It sounds like teenagers testing the boundaries and I like Keely79's response.

FizzyGreenWater Wine ? Gin ?

angelinwellies · 15/01/2018 17:23

My two are under ten they try occasionally. I’ve said I’m (first name) to everyone but only mum to u two. Call me mum. They got that and do and saw it actually upset me at the time.

And much like the comment above if I’m mum then I’ll treat u as kids but if first name then u join the queue! 👍

scortja · 15/01/2018 17:26

I don't know why but i find it strange when people refer to their parents by their first names to other people.. My friend calls her mum Mum but when she's talking about her to me she'll say 'Oh Helen was out swimming yesterday and...' whereas I would say 'Oh my mum was out..'

GrooovyLass · 15/01/2018 17:28

My friend's DC did this for a while with her and her DH. She ignored it and just answered them normally. They got bored and went back to calling her mum after about 10 days. He got angry and upset and either shouted or refused to answer. They carried on with him for months...

eastlondoner · 15/01/2018 17:28

Lots of teenagers go through a period of doing this. I would just ignore it and at some point it's likely to stop.

MuseumOfCurry · 15/01/2018 17:29

My 15 year old has started calling me Museum, I just don't acknowledge it Wink

Dahlietta · 15/01/2018 17:34

it's spilled over into first name use which just seems disrespectful somehow. But they use it all the time not just if they're making a point or pissed off.

It is disrespectful if they know he doesn't like it. If I were him, I would start by explaining that. If they don't respond to reasonable explanation, then go for some sort of consequence. Paying their way is a good one!

Sidelook · 15/01/2018 17:34

My teen ds came out with this last week. He’s adamant that it’s the way it should be! Absolutely not, he’s been brought up to show respect. I don’t know where this latest craze has come from all of a sudden.

Dozer · 15/01/2018 17:35

Are the parents divorced?

Herewegoagainagain · 15/01/2018 17:36

We call our Dad by a nickname of his first name sometimes but we are in our 30s and it's only since we've been adults that we've done it. It's done with fondness, as that's how the nickname is intended and it's a term of endearment. Different coming from a child or teenager though.

BackforGood · 15/01/2018 17:38

I think it is a pretty normal phase. Just don't rise to it, but get dh to just ignore them whenever they don't call him Dad.

Pengggwn · 15/01/2018 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allfednonedead · 15/01/2018 17:41

Why do people care so much? I find it cute when my 4yo calls me Allfed.
Tbf, I grew up calling my parents by their names - that’s who they are, after all, so probably lack insight on this. But my name is the most accurate way to say who I am, so why not?

Basecamp21 · 15/01/2018 17:41

My kids called me by my first name from aged around 8. It never bothered me and I guess it never occurred to me that it mattered

I Really do not think it has anything to do with seeing their parents as an equal - it always felt to me it was when they were old enough and mature enough to realise I was an individual with a life of my own and not just their mum.

A rose by any other name etc etc

I am sure it is just a phase they will grow out of if you don't like it but really what does it matter???

Neolara · 15/01/2018 17:42

My dcs call me by my first name. I don't like it. I've told them that. It's been going on for about 3 years now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread