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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about pregnant fiend?

99 replies

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:33

One of my friends is pregnant and first one in the group to have a baby. We're all really happy for her. we do a book club where once a month we all meet and have a chat (sometimes even about the book Grin) we take it in turns to host, usually finger food and cakes etc and was boozy.

Since my friend got pg I've ended up hosting the whole time cos she doesn't want to while pg (which is fine) and another friend is having work done and someone else has husband now working nights etc so just easier for me to do it.

I've been really careful to make sure food and drink is fine for pg friend. I still offer booze for those who want but get in really nice soft drinks as well (fancy lemonade / elderflower / sparkling water / ginger beer etc, all sorts), and I've read loads about what pregnant women can't eat and never have that stuff now.

The thing that's odd is that pg friend has started only bringing her own stuff with her to eat and drink - like her own little glass bottles of coke and her own sandwiches and cakes. AIBU to find that a bit rude?

I've asked her if she wants me to have anything in particular in and she always said just whatever I have is fine but then she never eats it and just brings her own stuff anyway!

I'd never say anything in case it upset her but am I weird to think she's being a bit rude? I don't know whether I should carry on making the food so baby friendly or if I can just go back to the way it was before!

Happy to be told AIBU if I am!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/01/2018 15:34

She sounds weird

I don't think you need to bother buying special stuff for her as she's not going to eat it

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/01/2018 15:35

Go back to what you were doing before.

Surely it wasn't that much of a struggle to supply something other than unpasteurized cheese, pate and raw meats though?

Original poster
HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:36

It's not that it was a struggle, I was totally happy to do it (and learned useful stuff for future!) it's more just that nose is a bit out of joint at trying to be considerate and her bringing her own stuff anyway. I think I will just go back to old style since it's not doing anyone any good now!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 15/01/2018 15:37

She does sound odd but I cant stop grinning at pregnant fiend in your title! Grin

cantucciniamaretto · 15/01/2018 15:37

and I've read loads about what pregnant women can't eat and never have that stuff now

pregnant women can eat whatever they like, same as anyone else.

Original poster
HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:38

@Lagunabubbles haha woops! She may be a bit weird but no fiend GrinBlush

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 15/01/2018 15:38

Why can’t she host when pregnant? I mean seriously how straining is putting out some cake and lemonade? Surely it’s more effort for her to travel to you?That alone is weird tbh

Yes it’s rude to bring her own food, I mean you agree to host as she doesn’t want to while pregnant Confused 😂 and make sure nice soft drinks etc are available and she rocks up with her own food

UnitedKungdom · 15/01/2018 15:38

Does she have nausea? Because with pregnancy nausea you simply can't face a certain tastes etc sometimes and there may be only 2 or 3 things she can bear to eat, doesn't know what they will be till an hour before and without them to eat would be sick as a dog. So therefore grabs what she knows she can cope with eating as she leaves for your house.

Original poster
HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:39

@cantucciniamaretto lf course they can Blush just didn't want her to have no options if she decided she was going to follow guidelines etc.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 15/01/2018 15:39

She might not have noticed tbf! Or she might be anxious about he pregnancy, hence the strictly sticking to her own pre-approved food. In either case, I wouldn't make an effort to cater for her any more!

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2018 15:39

I was nauseous for most of my pregnancy and the foods I could eat without vomiting changed daily.

Glowing I certainly wasn't.

Slitherout · 15/01/2018 15:40

She does sound odd but wondering if she's got bad morning sickness and wants to make sure she has what she fancies/can eat but doesn't want to put you out by demanding specific stuff, especially if what she can face eating keeps changing? Not be as simple as that, have a quiet word?

Original poster
HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:41

@unitedkungdom ashamed to say I never even thought of that! That actually makes me feel a lot better!

@pinkheart it is a bit odd. She said she doesn't want hassle of tidying up (although we're not the queen and wouldn't mind mess!)

OP posts:
Slitherout · 15/01/2018 15:41

*might be

StopTheRoundabout · 15/01/2018 15:41

She may have gestational diabetes and be bringing special diabetic specific foods/drinks or be on another type of dietary requirement. I'm sure it's not personal. Continue as you have been. It would be worse if she was making demands on you to provide or demanded to ban foods/drinks she can't have.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/01/2018 15:42

I'm confused why you're put out. Is it because she's snubbing what you're buying for her or because she's not bringing anybody else something?

kaytee87 · 15/01/2018 15:42

Maybe she doesn't like the new food and doesn't want to be rude so brings her own? I had bad nausea and sickness when I was pregnant and really could only stomach certain things.

There's very little that pregnant women are advised not to eat, really it's just unpasteurised dairy products, fish containing lots of mercury and liver/haggis as it contains lots of vitamin A (you'd probably have to eat it every day to do any harm though). I'm not sure what adjustments you've really had to make to nibbles tbh??

Why doesn't she want to host while she's pregnant though?

MrsAlbie · 15/01/2018 15:42

That's really thoughtful of you. My friends still offered me alcohol throughout my whole pregnancy!

Perhaps your friend is suffering from sickness or heartburn and she's bringing her own 'safe' foods, as she knows they will agree with her, whereas the foods you've got in will make her feel a bit poorly?

alittlehelp · 15/01/2018 15:43

She may have some anxiety about food poisoning/contamination. I struggled with eating food prepared by others when I was pregnant. It's an irrational thing. I wouldn't take it personally.

Trinity66 · 15/01/2018 15:43

I don't get why she can't host because she's pregnant but anyway, yeah I'd just stop buying her special stuff if she's not eating/drinking them anyway. Don't take it personally

MrsJayy · 15/01/2018 15:43

She is maybe over anxious or still feeling rough/sick and perhaps her cola and sandwiches are her safety net iyswim I would let her bring her own stuff just ignore it and carry on doing the book club if you are happy hosting it.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 15/01/2018 15:43

Ah op you do realise she will be bringing her pfb to the meetings and the books will be suitable for 0-2 years only.

Original poster
HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:43

Now that it's been said I deffo think it could be to do with nausea and wanting to be sure she's got something she can face eating. Funny what you don't know til you've gone through it! I feel a bit bad for thinking she's been rude now Blush

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 15/01/2018 15:45

It most likely is nausea op. Don't worry about it.

BewareOfDragons · 15/01/2018 15:48

Everyone in the group should be taking turns to bring snacks and drinks for the whole group. Just because you're providing the 'setting' doesn't mean you should be out of pocket for every single get together.