Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU about pregnant fiend?

99 replies

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:33

One of my friends is pregnant and first one in the group to have a baby. We're all really happy for her. we do a book club where once a month we all meet and have a chat (sometimes even about the book ) we take it in turns to host, usually finger food and cakes etc and was boozy.

Since my friend got pg I've ended up hosting the whole time cos she doesn't want to while pg (which is fine) and another friend is having work done and someone else has husband now working nights etc so just easier for me to do it.

I've been really careful to make sure food and drink is fine for pg friend. I still offer booze for those who want but get in really nice soft drinks as well (fancy lemonade / elderflower / sparkling water / ginger beer etc, all sorts), and I've read loads about what pregnant women can't eat and never have that stuff now.

The thing that's odd is that pg friend has started only bringing her own stuff with her to eat and drink - like her own little glass bottles of coke and her own sandwiches and cakes. AIBU to find that a bit rude?

I've asked her if she wants me to have anything in particular in and she always said just whatever I have is fine but then she never eats it and just brings her own stuff anyway!

I'd never say anything in case it upset her but am I weird to think she's being a bit rude? I don't know whether I should carry on making the food so baby friendly or if I can just go back to the way it was before!

Happy to be told AIBU if I am!

OP posts:

HotelEuphoria · 15/01/2018 16:06

I also wonder why she cant host as she is pregnant but can pack her own snacks and travel to you. If she is finding this a struggle then god help her after the birth.

EggsonHeads · 15/01/2018 16:07

Is it possible that she is going through morning sickness? I couldn't eat pasta for three months because just the thought of it made me feel sick. I also had this thing briefly when I could only eat one of two things for a few days. One week it was only avocados, roast chicken and, white bread. Another week it was only potatoes. A different week it was only crunchy nut. Pregnancy does really weird stuff to your body. Or she may be suffering from some kind of complication that means she has to before careful than usual about what she eats like gestational diabetes (although doesn't sound likely if she's drinking coke) or food induced hives (another thing that happened to me). It's a bit weird that she brings the food instead of just not eating (but maybe she goes a bit mental if she goes too long without eating (done women do when pregnant). Or maybe she is worried that she is putting you out by making youcater for her needs but feels awkward talking about it. I really doubt that she is doing it to be rude. Given the brain fog that pregnancy induces there is a good chance that she just hasn't thought it through.

DeleteOrDecay · 15/01/2018 16:09

If she is finding this a struggle then god help her after the birth.

That's a bit patronising. Many women have a rough time with pregnancy, some to the point of being hospitalised but can manage fine when the baby's born.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 15/01/2018 16:12

Haven't read all TFT, but if she's making food for herself, and cba to host why isn't she fetching something for everyone to share instead of just bringing her own packed lunch? Ditto everyone else, if it's only you that's hosting all the time.

They all sound like selfish arseholes to me.

Mrs9C · 15/01/2018 16:13

It does seem rude, unless she is bringing a big cake for everyone to share and a big bottle of coke to help out with the hosting. Bringing her own food is strange, but then hormones make us do rather strange things!

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 15/01/2018 16:13

there's no reason she can't host because she is pregnant?unless ill?

Well, I spent the first 16 weeks in the super-fun Doors of Death/dragging myself through every day space thanks to nausea, anaemia and exhaustion, and while I admittedly didn't do a lot of socialising I might have been just about capable of dragging myself to a friend's house and collapsing in a corner with my crackers and ginger tea, but not of doing the Hoovering, tidying and shopping-planning involved in hosting. And I'm not exactly the world's most house-proud or anxious host.

Mrs9C · 15/01/2018 16:15

And also to add, go back to the way it was before. Sorry your efforts haven't been appreciated, you sound like a good friend.

liquidrevolution · 15/01/2018 16:19

If I was your friend there would be no saying what I could eat from one day to the next so catering for her is not really necessary.

I was sick every day for 8 months. Sometimes 20 times a day. Was never hospitalised though as I could keep down lemon squash and prawn crackers . I mostly went through the different foods so for instance could eat pesto pasta for a few days until I vommed it up then couldnt face it ever again so moved onto cheese toasties, vom, move onto salad, vom etc. I was nearly 2 stone lighter after birth than before pregnancy.

If I was your friend I would be touched that you made the effort though

RhiannonOHara · 15/01/2018 16:20

If she's that good a friend couldn't she just explain that she's suffering sickness and wants to stick to her own food?

Saying your food is fine but then bringing her own stuff anyway otherwise just comes across as martyrish and passive-aggressive. Whatever it is that's the problem, either she needs to speak up or you need to ask her for the honest reasons behind it.

Witchend · 15/01/2018 16:22

I had morning sickness throughout each pregnancy and used to dread other people offering snacks as even the thought could make me throw up at times.
Them coming to me was worse because I was liable to throw up at the opening of the kitchen door, worse the fridge.

I did find I was very sensitive to tastes and smells, so someone could offer something basically the same and it wouldn't be for me.

I was best with dc3 because I gave up all hope of healthy eating and sat and sipped coke and ate salty crisps which were the only things that kept the nausea at all away slightly. In previous pregnancies, I tried to eat healthily, so as much came up as went down. And all those lovely pregnancy tips "ginger for nausea?" etc. Don't bother. Not one worked. Btw ginger burns on the way back up. Was years before I could face ginger again.

MatildaTheCat · 15/01/2018 16:24

Catering for book club meetings is actually really quite expensive by the time you’ve bought some nice cheeses, dips, breads and drinks etc. If you are hosting just ask everyone to bring a dish or foodstuff. I would mention to the pregnant friend that you’ve noticed that she brings her own foods and suggest she brings a plate of whatever it is she’s having and ask her outright why she’s doing this.

I wouldn’t be especially offended but certainly puzzled.

Jamhandprints · 15/01/2018 16:24

She's probably feeling really sick and can only eat exactly what she feels like that day. Also it's normal for pregnant women to carry food with them in case they feel faint or sick suddenly and need a snack. I'd go back to just preparing things for the rest of the group. In a few weeks she might feel better and able to appreciate your effort. I'm pregnant at the moment and can't eat anything and wouldn't dream of hosting anything at the moment. x

KipperBalloon · 15/01/2018 16:24

I would say probably pregnancy nausea too. I had it pretty bad for the first 20 weeks, and I took food everywhere with me. I hope no one thought I was rude.
Although I find it a bit odd that you aren't aware if your friend has morning sickness or not, surely a good friend would mention something like that, at least in passing?

StopTheRoundabout · 15/01/2018 16:26

If she is suffering from feeling very unwell, she may also be very fatigued and not able to face tidying up the house every time the group want to meet for the book club. That could be the reason she says she can't host while pregnant?

Agree that pregnancy is not an illness in itself but it can make you feel very miserable. I'm limited in what I can eat (both physically and medically) and I have terrible fatigue. I'm not sure how many weeks pregnant your friend is but pregnancy does take it's toll on your body as it progresses.

TalkinBoutWhat · 15/01/2018 16:27

I loved coke when I was pregnant. The sweetness and fizziness used to settle my stomach when lots of other things didn't. Ginger beer tasted rank and made me want to throw up when I was pregnant.

ijustwannadance · 15/01/2018 16:30

Just stop buying all the special soft drinks and food for her. If it's for everyone then it isn't really an issue.

I had to carry a bottle of coke and crisps around due to the horrid 16 weeks of constant, nausea inducing migraines. Plain stodgy food was all I could stomach.

No way I could've been arsed hosting anything.

user7654321 · 15/01/2018 16:32

Sounds a bit weird but I wouldn't worry or overthink it.

Mogginthemog · 15/01/2018 16:35

DD was very anxious throughout her pregnancy and the anxiety focussed around what she ate harming the baby in some way. She was washing veg before peeling and checking ingredient lists on everything. She also felt sick for most of the time and there were lots of random everyday foods and drinks she couldn’t even bear the smell of. So it could be various things that mean she feels better bringing her own stuff.

Catra · 15/01/2018 16:40

I don't really see a problem with it, but then I'm the pregnant "fiend" in this scenario - currently 12 weeks and so many foods make my stomach turn, so I'm used to taking my own food with me when I visit people's houses. I'd be mortified if they thought I was being rude.

I actually thought this thread was going to be about her objecting to other people drinking alcohol around her - even the smell of it from 50 paces makes me want to hurl right now.

And to the poster(s) who've questioned why your friend can't host while pregnant, clearly their own pregnancies have been nowhere near as exhausting as mine!

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 15/01/2018 16:41

I seriously doubt bottles of Coke are suitable for the relief of sickness!! And not condoned by mw either!!

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 15/01/2018 16:44

I seriously doubt bottles of Coke are suitable for the relief of sickness!! And not condoned by mw either!!

Er, what? Lots of people find Coke settles their stomach. And it's none of a MW's business. Pregnant women can drink Coke if they want to, especially if they are struggling to keep anything else down.

Midwives aren't required to "condone" a woman's food and drink choices, FFS.

Potteryprincess30 · 15/01/2018 16:50

@HerOutdoor I can answer this easy. She is pregnant and craves, wants different things on a weekly, monthly (probably even daily) basis.

When/if you ever become pregnant yourself you will be the one feeling very 'odd' and probably guilty about even starting this thread as you will totally 'get it'.

She is pregnant and can/should eat whatever stops her throwing up on your carpet basically at this stage. Where it comes from or what it is no ones business, especially others who can eat and drink whatever they want without feeling sea sick

Potteryprincess30 · 15/01/2018 16:54

@QueenAravisOfArchenland agree with this totally.

Bottles of coke are like the best for sickness, that's why she brings them. All this is so obvious, is this thread a test or something to show other women's humanity or something?

The woman's pregnant and is eating and drinking what she want's to feel comfortable and be able to socialize with her friends still. er...end of debate surely?

Original poster

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 16:56

Thank u everyone for responding, you are really helpful! Deffo makes sense that it's nausea and she's just making sure she's provided for. For the person who asked why I didn't know she had morning sickness - I did in the beginning but she has been better (she's nearly 5 mos pg now) but now realising she could still be feeling rotten. Basically I've been a bit thick for not realising will tell everyone to start contributing now to make it a bit more fair : easy! for all your help!

OP posts:

Original poster

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 16:58

@potteryprincess30 I'll get pregnant one day and it will all be obvious and I'll wonder why I was thick about it

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread