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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about pregnant fiend?

99 replies

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:33

One of my friends is pregnant and first one in the group to have a baby. We're all really happy for her. we do a book club where once a month we all meet and have a chat (sometimes even about the book ) we take it in turns to host, usually finger food and cakes etc and was boozy.

Since my friend got pg I've ended up hosting the whole time cos she doesn't want to while pg (which is fine) and another friend is having work done and someone else has husband now working nights etc so just easier for me to do it.

I've been really careful to make sure food and drink is fine for pg friend. I still offer booze for those who want but get in really nice soft drinks as well (fancy lemonade / elderflower / sparkling water / ginger beer etc, all sorts), and I've read loads about what pregnant women can't eat and never have that stuff now.

The thing that's odd is that pg friend has started only bringing her own stuff with her to eat and drink - like her own little glass bottles of coke and her own sandwiches and cakes. AIBU to find that a bit rude?

I've asked her if she wants me to have anything in particular in and she always said just whatever I have is fine but then she never eats it and just brings her own stuff anyway!

I'd never say anything in case it upset her but am I weird to think she's being a bit rude? I don't know whether I should carry on making the food so baby friendly or if I can just go back to the way it was before!

Happy to be told AIBU if I am!

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 15/01/2018 15:48

Don't fret about it pregnancy is not an illness but it can make you a bit bonkers

mummyhaschangedhername · 15/01/2018 15:49

I was going to say it could be pregnancy sickness. With my first I was sick the entire time, I was 3 stone lighter full term than pre pregnancy! I would not be able to eat unless I fancied it, it was totally crazy, as in I would fancy something and I could eat that, if not I would be sick, weird stuff I wouldn't have eaten before. Plus it changed, what I could eat in the morning I couldn't eat in the evening sometimes. It was horrendous.

Either that or she is just being awkward, but if she was fine before maybe give her the benefit of the doubt.

nutnerk · 15/01/2018 15:49

People on MN are strange. I think I type this response on every single thread but....

Why haven't you just asked her?

ForgivenessIsDivine · 15/01/2018 15:50

So all 4 others in your book club are happy to let you host and pay for everything.... Sounds like you don't mind but...

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 15/01/2018 15:51

Not really what you asked, but in my book group we still take it in turns to provide drinks and nibbles even if we are not hosting.

I was unable to host in my home for various reasons for a while, so I 'hosted' in someone else's house ie I provided all the drinks and nibbles.

That might help ease the stress for you.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 15/01/2018 15:52

Which is just what dragon said...must RTFT!

vespertillio · 15/01/2018 15:52

OP don't be a mug, get everyone to bring something, PG friend can be off the hook w not eating your food as she might well be only able to face her own choice of food but really, if you're the only one hosting just write to them all and say you'll do a main course and can someone else do a salad/dessert/whatevs

Original poster

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:53

@nutnerk I probably should but I was worried i would come across as annoyed and upset her. I'm glad I didn't say anything actually cos if she is sick I don't want her to feel self conscoois or like she has to try and please me.

@bewareofdragons it is a bit of a pain but hopefully not for much longer! The friend whose house has been done is going to start hosting again soon as extension nearly complete and another friend is about to join so will host too. The others have started bringing booze so they aren't totally not contributing

OP posts:

Jaxhog · 15/01/2018 15:54

I get a strong sense of your friends TAKING ADVANTAGE. No idea why being pregnant means you can't have people round!

One solution, would be to suggest people each bring a dish to share. Then you don't get the cost of providing every time, and your PF can bring what she wants.

soupforbrains · 15/01/2018 15:54

don't worry @HerOutdoor I was sitting here reading the thread and thinking, that your friend/fiend was being very weird and quite rude until someone mentioned the nausea.

This is I HAVE been through it myself and, what's more I myself could only eat 4 specific foods throughout my entire pregnancy due to extreme nausea and sickness. So I wouldn't feel bad for not thinking of it if I were you!

Viviennemary · 15/01/2018 15:55

I think it is quite rude to take food to somebody else's house like this. Especially as you've asked her if there is anything special you can get her. But just ignore it. Maybe it is because she knows if it's her own food then she can either eat it or even only take a sip out the bottle and it won't seem wasteful.

thepatchworkcat · 15/01/2018 15:55

Yes I also think she might have very specific food preferences/aversions at the moment - I’m 19 weeks now and, while I’m not throwing up all the time, my tastes have become very limited. I’m having phases of only wanting to eat boiled eggs or cereal or pasta or biscuits for example and not fancying anything else!

Also there’s no way I’d be hosting a group at my house either - I’m f’ing knackered all the time!

I don’t think she’s necessarily being rude, she’s probably just trying get best to keep up with activities and not to be any trouble by bringing her own stuff!

Original poster

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:56

@jaxhog and others who said it that's a good idea. Think we just got in the habit of me providing it all cos it was just going to be temporary but then ended up going on longer than we thought. I like hosting so don't really mind (hence being a bit out out at PF not wanting it!) but would def be fairer if we all shared. Will suggest that at next one

OP posts:

DeleteOrDecay · 15/01/2018 15:57

Could she be suffering from food aversions? I did during pregnancy. Maybe it's a sort of safety net for her to bring stuff she knows is 'safe'. Bit weird but not something I personally could get worked up about.

I don't see why she can't host when pregnant how ever.

Original poster

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:57

@soupforbrains thank you that makes me feel better!

OP posts:

HolyShet · 15/01/2018 15:58

I'd put my money on morning all bloody day sickness. I had it nine goddamn months each time....

But it's actually a bit weird for her to bring just her own stuff - do you do pot luck or does the host always provide things?

I'd have a chat with her and say you'll get coke and frazzles (just me then?) or can she bring enough for everyone? Its a bit lacking in social skills to bring your own pack up to a potluck!

PeacefulBlessing · 15/01/2018 15:58

My first thought was nausea too.

She is probably saying that whatever you do is fine because the constant nausea reduces your tolerance levels to all sorts of things - including thinking about things that don't absolutely have to be considered.

I wouldn't have wanted to put someone to any bother, or supplied them with the exact details of what I could eat, because most of the time I felt like death warmed up and trying to work out whether I was going to actually be sick or just felt like it.

Imagine the worst sickness bug you've had and imagine it 24/7 for 9 months. That pretty much describes my pregnancy! My stomach muscles were sore from constant wretching and the taste of bile and empty gnawing feeling in my stomach meant it was hard for me to be polite and considerate of everyone else's feelings at all times.

Don't fret about it pregnancy is not an illness but it can make you a bit bonkers

Hate it when people trot out shit like this. No pregancy is not an illness, but pregnancy can make some people very ill. Not bonkers ffs.

ReggaetonLente · 15/01/2018 15:59

Another one who's betting it's sickness. I can't eat anything with a strong taste or 'slippery' texture at the moment, which rules out pretty much everything I used to love. Even typing this is making my mouth water, not in the good way...

Next week I'm sure it'll be something else that makes me want to vom at the sight of it.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 15/01/2018 16:00

It's quite likely some combination of nausea/food aversions/PFB anxiety/needs to bring her own snacks to prevent attacks of faintness. I wouldn't stress it unless she's become rude or self-absorbed in other ways suddenly; if she was happy to eat your food before, it probably is pregnancy-related.

It's true, though, that pregnant fiends should be avoided at all costs, especially at book group.

vespertillio · 15/01/2018 16:00

As someone who always needed cream crackers and a specific brand of honey to hand during every pregnancy, I'd say forget about the PG friend and her weird food thing, she mightn't want you to go to the trouble or draw attention to herself, it is very kind of you to try to cater for her but other than the soft drinks I wouldn't bother.

CoraBum · 15/01/2018 16:01

PMSL at "pregnant fiend"

I wouldn't judge her too harshly. It's quite possible she is suffering from prenatal anxiety or OCD which can be awful.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 15/01/2018 16:01

Another vote for nausea. I have eaten nothing but plain sandwiches and crisps for the last few weeks

allegretto · 15/01/2018 16:01

I've always had a few OCD tendencies but never around food but when I was pregnant I got really obsessed with things being contaminated. I sort of knew it was ridiculous but, on the other hand, I needed to eat often and it needed to be something I could control. Maybe your friend is the same? I wouldn't worry about it.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 15/01/2018 16:02

This sounds mad. Trying to think of any possible reasonings on pregnant friends side and suddenly realised that I did this when pregnant!
Reason being that I had terrible sickness and heartburn and I would be sick at the sight/smell of foods but was also suddenly starving as my belly was so empty from being sick so much. So I carried a packed lunch box around with crackers and stuff.
Is she bringing normal food or could this possibly be her reason? X

KarmaStar · 15/01/2018 16:04

Very odd behaviour.and there's no reason she can't host because she is pregnant?unless ill?don't understand her.
You sound like a fantastic caring thoughtful friend though

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