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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about pregnant fiend?

99 replies

HerOutdoor · 15/01/2018 15:33

One of my friends is pregnant and first one in the group to have a baby. We're all really happy for her. we do a book club where once a month we all meet and have a chat (sometimes even about the book ) we take it in turns to host, usually finger food and cakes etc and was boozy.

Since my friend got pg I've ended up hosting the whole time cos she doesn't want to while pg (which is fine) and another friend is having work done and someone else has husband now working nights etc so just easier for me to do it.

I've been really careful to make sure food and drink is fine for pg friend. I still offer booze for those who want but get in really nice soft drinks as well (fancy lemonade / elderflower / sparkling water / ginger beer etc, all sorts), and I've read loads about what pregnant women can't eat and never have that stuff now.

The thing that's odd is that pg friend has started only bringing her own stuff with her to eat and drink - like her own little glass bottles of coke and her own sandwiches and cakes. AIBU to find that a bit rude?

I've asked her if she wants me to have anything in particular in and she always said just whatever I have is fine but then she never eats it and just brings her own stuff anyway!

I'd never say anything in case it upset her but am I weird to think she's being a bit rude? I don't know whether I should carry on making the food so baby friendly or if I can just go back to the way it was before!

Happy to be told AIBU if I am!

OP posts:

ephemeralfairy · 15/01/2018 16:58

I think OP should have asked friend if there was a problem but I also think that the friend should have just said 'oh btw thanks so much for providing food etc, I'm sorry not to be able to eat any but I've got nausea/cravings etc etc'
Being pregnant isn't an illness but it also doesn't absolve you from basic manners!

Buglife · 15/01/2018 16:59

When I was pregnant with my first I was sick, nauseous and repulsed by even looking at most foods in the supermarket. I also felt weak and dizzy most of the way through. I honestly felt like a different person and the crushing weakness and sickness didn’t go away until I was sat in the postnatal ward with my newborn on my lap! I didn’t want to host, go out, do anything or eat much except what my weird body decide was ok that day. Also I have read on here of women who get pre natal anxiety etc around what they put in their bodies, and if it will harm the baby. Basically, if it isn’t putting you out, cut her some slack. Even other pregnant women and those who have been can’t really know what another pregnant women is going through because it is so different for each pregnancy! If you haven’t disliked her before, don’t start over this. It sounds like she’s trying to avoid giving you bother.

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 17:06

She might be really off certain foods and only able to keep down specific things. I was like that in my first trimester. It would behoove her to tell you nicely if that's the case though.

Potteryprincess30 · 15/01/2018 17:08

@HerOutdoor bless you! it's so refreshing to hear someone actually going 'you know what, I didn't understand'. Such an admirable trait to admit we are wrong about something, or have overeacted ect. Kudos op, your obviously just being a good friend and worrying to much frankly. There is no issue here, just a pregnant woman who loves coming to your house and will do anything to keep coming, even if that means bringing her own dinner! That says more about you actually that she still coming at 5 months pregnant, an exhausting time.

All the best to you

ProfessionalPirate · 15/01/2018 17:11

I'm pregnant and nauseous myself at the minute so I 'get it', but I don't understand why the friend hasn't said anything if this is the case? If it were me, I would be aware of how rude it might seem, and be very appologetic and keen to explain my reasons.

Potteryprincess30 · 15/01/2018 17:19

@ProfessionalPirate probably just because people are different I imagine

ThePoshBit · 15/01/2018 17:19

If she is finding this a struggle then god help her after the birth.

Firstly, fuck off. Secondly, having a premature newborn was infinitely easier and more manageable than being pregnant. Just because it wasn't your experience or the text book experience doesn't mean it's everyone's experience.

I seriously doubt bottles of Coke are suitable for the relief of sickness!! And not condoned by mw either!!

It's a well known that fizzy drinks can settle your stomach. My dad was advised to drink lemonade or coke to settle his stomach during chemo and it's a fantastic hangover cure. At one point, it was the only liquid I could keep down (was bringing up water still cold) and the MW said go ahead.

I love how all the 'experts'/utter idiots come out on threads like this.

mirime · 15/01/2018 17:21

Like the subject - reminded me of the 'My Best Fiend' books by Sheila Lavelle.

I agree with everyone about the nausea though, especially if she's bringing Coke. And no a MW probably wouldn't approve, but if it's that or dehydration you do what you have to. She may not be mentioning it because she doesn't want to make a fuss - or she doesn't want anyone to mention bloody ginger. Or mint. Or acupressure wrist bands.

raymonReddingtonsOtherdaughter · 15/01/2018 17:26

I feel the pregnant one is rude, I’m also worried about the cost of hosting each time ( if you share the cost I’ve miased it )
Suggest a coffee shop for your next few meetings to give yourself a rest.

mirime · 15/01/2018 17:29

@ThePoshBit

was bringing up water still cold

If I had the tiniest sip of water I was instantly sick. Ice and fizzy water were the same. When I told the MW she looked at me as if I'd grown an extra head and seemed really confused. This was after telling me off for drinking Lemon San Pellegrino, but it was that or not drink at all, so....

I didn't realise how much weight I'd lost until my rings started falling off my fingers.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2018 17:36

An OP admitting they were a little unreasonable? What is the world coming to? It's the end of days, I tell you

Buglife · 15/01/2018 17:36

Actually quite often women who have been pregnant can be the least understanding because they think their experience was EVERYONES experience. I was much more capable a week post birth on 2 hours sleep than I was through most of my pregnancy. I was as weak as a kitten pregnant but felt infinitely better as soon as the awful pregnancy hormones buggered off when DS came out.

LinaBl · 15/01/2018 17:39

@HerOutdoor I could eat only certain foods when in early pg, and what was 'safe' in the morning, I could not stand even a thought of it in the afternoon due to nausea. Re hosting - also - I never knew how I will feel at a given hour, it easier to cancel going somewhere than to cancel friends coming over to mine.
I do not think she is rude, I think she is trying her best to participate without being too much trouble.
Just be patient and understanding - its quite a challenging time to be pg :)

Potteryprincess30 · 15/01/2018 17:45

@MrsTerryPratchett it's a proper Kum-bayah moment, I'm actually but it's pretty much made my day.

People do stuff, it's annoying, it's odd, it's different, lets embrace it (but not each other....no touchy)

Love a 'come to Jesus' moment it's so refreshing...a bit like a coke really

mummabubs · 15/01/2018 17:46

Yeah I was going to second the nausea hypothesis- I was sick the whole way through my pregnancy and the most random things would set me off- including the smell of old (dried) ketchup. I spent at least three weeks in the first trimester just eating plain boiled spaghetti and bubblegum flavoured sweets and then even throughout the rest I had to food shop on the day to get whatever I could stomach! I'm sure she's not intentionally snubbing your efforts OP :)

mintich · 15/01/2018 17:47

She probably feels sick! I carried round food with me to friends houses as it was the only stuff I could keep down!

aronbeer · 15/01/2018 17:49

Being pregnant can change your taste buds. I completely went off loads of ordinary things. This might just be why.

No need to get offended by it, really.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2018 18:00

it's so refreshing...a bit like a coke really

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 15/01/2018 18:05

The only thing I think is odd is that she is your close friend and that if the behaviour is pg related, why she can't just tell you.

mintich · 15/01/2018 18:08

Coke did help my nausea and my midwife said if I can keep it down then have it! I had sickness all through my pregnancy

MrsJayy · 15/01/2018 18:18

I drank cola had to be cold it really helped but pepsi i heaved at pregnancy is just weird isn't it ?

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 15/01/2018 19:41

Poshbit's time to polish her halo.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/01/2018 19:57

And the MN phenomenon of trying to desperately create a backstory strikes again.

OP says they’re friends. It’s hardly out there behaviour to stick to pregnancy approved foods and whatever stops you feeling nauseated. Do most people tell their friends that their weekly spread is fine and dandy and then rock up with their own food, or do they ask for coke if that’s what they want?

Anyway, no idea what her deal is but I’d just do what you like as she’s not going to eat it and clearly isn’t going to return the favour anytime soon.

ThePoshBit · 15/01/2018 20:11

Poshbit's time to polish her halo.

for what? For being incredibly ill during pregnancy but not having any issues post natally?

What an odd thing to say. I wasn't attributing any virtue to it.

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