That I don't need in laws checking up on me

[GreasyHairDoNotCare]

I just need to have an in law vent.

AIBU to thing that as an adult I don't need my in laws tutting and shaking their heads when I told them I haven't eaten today yet because I'm not hungry. I am 5months postpartum (not breastfeeding) so it's not like I am exactly wasting away, I still have baby weight to lose! I think I can competently decide if my body wants food and if it doesn't, I really don't need them checking up on if I've eaten and then getting angry at the answer of no.

Not eating when not hungry - people with ed (and other conditions) don't necessarily recognise they're hungry/need to eat.

Even people who don't eat regularly eg shift workers can find their hunger signals are messed up.

I'm guessing with a bmi of 20 you already look slim and they're worried you're not eating enough. Lots of people don't get hungry until later in the day though and that's perfectly fine.
If they're sniping at you instead of genuine concern then that's not nice.

Partners grandmother asked me if I had eaten my dinner before I came as I had declined Sunday lunch and I said no. She then proceeded to tut, shake her head and give me a look as if I was trying to starve myself.

She tutted because you were rude. You declined the meal even though you hadn't eaten.

She tutted because you were rude. You declined the meal even though you hadn't eaten.

nut, did you miss the bit where OP says 'We didn't specifically go for lunch. I declined the offer of food before we got there'?

I am not on a diet or trying to lose weight at the moment. When I talk about the baby weight it's that mum tum you can never shift, we're talking a few pounds, not stones ladies. The most recent conversation was because they were all tucking into Sunday dinner at about 2pm. As a child and still now I have never eaten a big meal at this time because of the times my parents are at work. So my body is naturally not hungry for a full roast dinner at 2pm. Partners grandmother asked me if I had eaten my dinner before I came as I had declined Sunday lunch and I said no. She then proceeded to tut, shake her head and give me a look as if I was trying to starve myself.

You don't have to justify yourself sweetie

I also cannot eat shit loads in the day, and it's not unusual for me to have only had have a bowl of muesli and walnuts, and a cappuccino, 2 bananas, and a few grapes by 5pm. I just don't and can't eat a big cooked meal for lunch (or even a bunch of sarnies and some crisps and a kit kat like a lot of people I know do.) I do eat a decent meal at 5-6pm ish, and will have 2 or 3 chocolate digestives with a coffee at 8pm. But I just don't eat a lot at all.

I eat around 1600 calories a day, (400 below the recommended limit for women,) and I am still 10 and a half stone and a size 14, (and 5 foot 4.) I am perfectly healthy and am never ill. I have managed to get to nearly 50 without dying, so I must have done something right!

I agree that the OP's inlaws are not acting out of concern. They seem judgey, nosey, and intrusive, and they need to butt out.

@nutnerk

She tutted because you were rude. You declined the meal even though you hadn't eaten.

What is rude about not wanting to eat when you're not hungry?! What a bizarre attitude.

GardenGeek exactly. Can't believe a lot of these answers either - or the fact that the connection isn't being made!

And yes, the OP said BEFORE she went to the house, that she didn't want anything to eat!

@graphista The OP is my weight and I am an inch taller. I am at a perfect body weight and don't eat until 2pm each day by choice. It allows me to eat the rest of the day and at night when I am most hungry.
I have done this for 20 years and I am very fit. Like running marathons fit.
Not eating for 16 or 18 hours a day is perfectly healthy as long as you get your micro and macro nutrients in in the other 8 or 6 hours.

We have lost sight of what a normal weight is. People scream eating disorder at people who are a perfectly normal size.

OP, just interested what you'd eat on a typical day to get a perspective of whether you're eating enough and healthy things at that as my BMI might even be less than yours as I'm 5'3" and approx 7st7lbs. However, there's no way I could go without breakfast and if I was offered lunch and hadn't eaten, I'd certainly have a good attempt at eating it.

So far today, I've had a couple of shredded wheat (sugar and semi skimmed milk as well), four biscuits, a full place of salad with cheese cubes and half large pot of coleslaw and a banana. I'm actually hungry so maybe will have an apple and some other snack before tea. Tea is lasagne with carrots and broccoli. I'm really into puddings, so will often have a snack in the evening (still working my way through xmas chocolate and alcohol, so very nice snacks at the moment).

I like the sound of your food @gardengeek

@ifonly4
Mine for today will be: (I meal plan)
2pm
Greek yoghurt 0% fat 166g
Mixed berries 100g
Zero syrup 0 Calories
Banana around 100g

Snack at 5pm
Oranges x 2 medium
Plums x 3

Dinner 8pm
Basa fillet 150g ish
200g cauliflower
chilli
turmeric
soy sauce
garden peas 40g
Onion 50g
Mushrooms 120g
Drizzle of truffle oil on the fish
Snacks before bed
Glass of white wine 250ml
1-2 ferrero rocher
30g nut butter

Regardless of weight going round somewhere where a lunch is served and then not eating any would (at least to that generation) be seen as rude.

For the love of God.

The OP has said 'We didn't specifically go for lunch. I declined the offer of food before we got there'. The PILs would have had enough advance warning of her 'rudeness' not to be horrified by it when she arrived, surely, and even to warn other guests of the impending rudeness so they too could gird their loins.

Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with your eating habits to me. You sound like an "eat to live" person rather than a "live to eat" type. Do you think maybe your ability to control yourself reminds them of something they don't like about themselves?

Some generations were brought up on breakfast being the most important meal.
I tell my mil nothing. She is generally very nice but often misinterpret we what has

Oops !
She often misinterprets what has been said. So I just agree with everything, make noises, or lie.

She tutted because you were rude. You declined the meal even though you hadn't eaten.

Not rude at all, OP stated they eat the main meal later. We have now stopped all this wanting to go for Sunday Lunch at 1pm that my parents insist on as we dont eat until 6 ish

You do sound excessively irritated by a perfectly reasonable offer of food at lunch time. Most people going to relatives at a mealtime would eat. Of course as an adult you can choose - you’re perfectly proportioned as well - but it’s not a crime for someone to want to provide food. Overreaction to very minor issue.

OP are you going to answer the question about the mismatch between your OP and example? In the OP you say you had eaten nothing, then you say in your example that you had eaten both breakfast and lunch. This seems like a changed story to cover up a situation you can see is a bit odd really. If you had eaten nothing before the Lucy chicken then surely you would be hungry enough to have some meat and vegetables? You wouldn’t need to have huge portions.

As I understand, op had not eaten when she posted today. The other incident was Sunday when she had already eaten breakfast and lunch.

People really are trying to find a massive issue in op's eating where there is none.