That I don't need in laws checking up on me

[GreasyHairDoNotCare]

I just need to have an in law vent.

AIBU to thing that as an adult I don't need my in laws tutting and shaking their heads when I told them I haven't eaten today yet because I'm not hungry. I am 5months postpartum (not breastfeeding) so it's not like I am exactly wasting away, I still have baby weight to lose! I think I can competently decide if my body wants food and if it doesn't, I really don't need them checking up on if I've eaten and then getting angry at the answer of no.

Have they always been like this, about non-food related stuff also? Have you always been an erratic eater? If so, go ahead & tell 'em to back off. Especially if you have the energy - physical & mental - to look after yourself & DC. AND if you're feeling generally positive about life. However, if not (and don't lie to yourself)...

This could be screaming of a genuine concern. I've been too close to EDs and your post sounded to me initially as some on the brink, in denial. I witnessed exactly the kind of defensiveness I thought I read in your post initially and that person is now thankfully receiving treatment and getting better. I've read all the other comments on here and I'm still unclear - but only because EDs are a complex condition.

Please also remember that EDs have 3 key trigger points - puberty, leaving home & post-partum. So it wouldn't be beyond the realms of possibility.

Unless your in-laws are interfering busybodies, who've sought to meddle in every other part of your life and undermine you, my hunch is that they are genuinely concerned. You don't have to answer to them, but have a think about any changes in your behaviour and HOW YOU' RE FEELING GENERALLY ATM. If, in a quiet moment, you feel that maybe, just maybe you need some support, get yourself to your Health Visitor or GP and to the help that you deserve and that your lovely baby needs you to get. It's out there, just ask.

xxxx

My bad! So she is actually a perfect weight for her height

Ok, but she's on a diet and isn't eating. So ehrm, back to what everyone else is saying. Potentially they are concerned about her. They don't ask her partner because there is nothing to be concerned about. Maybe her parents know better than to ask or put any focus on it and the in laws are just expressing concern.

It is none of their business, I would just lie. Or ignore the question and force them to repeat themselves and walk away. They'll soon get the message

I agree with Sarahjconnor - the posts do give off a sense of at the very least a disordered relationship with food and concept of ideal weight.

Cant they just be worried about her (and I could see why from one analysis of her posts that would be the case)

The OP is not underweight.

It is NOT screaming eating disorder.

If the OP is normally very slim then being 8 stone at her height may well mean she would like to lose a few pounds.

And if she is normally healthily slim it's probably because she only eats when she is hungry and maybe for her that means not having anything before midday. If that's normal and healthy for her then it's totally fine.

I often don't eat until 2/3pm. It is perfectly ok to not eat if you're not hungry

I am not on a diet or trying to lose weight at the moment. When I talk about the baby weight it's that mum tum you can never shift, we're talking a few pounds, not stones ladies. The most recent conversation was because they were all tucking into Sunday dinner at about 2pm. As a child and still now I have never eaten a big meal at this time because of the times my parents are at work. So my body is naturally not hungry for a full roast dinner at 2pm. Partners grandmother asked me if I had eaten my dinner before I came as I had declined Sunday lunch and I said no. She then proceeded to tut, shake her head and give me a look as if I was trying to starve myself.

Blackberry I'm sorry but I do think your perspective is skewed.

Op herself said "they just ask" that seems more like concern than attack to me (and I love a good mil thread normally but in this case I think there's genuine concern for the op)

Before pregnancy I was around 7st6. I am really very petite, probably about the size of a 13 year old. My appetite reflects what my body can hold.

My MIL is a bit like this. She worries about all sorts of little things, particularly to do with my eldest, a myriad of small issues that she blows out into big ones. She suffers from anxiety attacks which I have some sympathy for, but it can be challenging not to lose your patience with it.
The thing that checks me from reacting angrily every time is the knowledge that it comes from a place of genuine concern and love, even if the delivery is annoying/hurtful.

Op, I don't understand, so you went to Sunday lunch at your in laws and declined the meal, all of it?

We went to the in laws on Sunday, it just so happened that it was at the time of lunch. We didn't specifically go for lunch. I declined the offer of food before we got there so it was like a meal was made for me and I just didn't eat it.

How will you feel if you don't go back to your original weight op?

Had you eaten nothing until 2pm? When did you have something to eat that day?

How will you feel if you don't go back to your original weight op?

Alright to be honest, I won't feel comfortable wearing half the stuff I wore before baby but it doesn't bother me too much.

Well I am a MIL and worry about my three DILs as much as I do about my own daughter and sons! I guess I should be banished to a remote island for caring.

I had eaten that day. I had a small breakfast at breakfast time and your average cold lunch (sandwich etc) at midday because this is when I was hungry.

7 stone 6 is BMI of 19 - perfectly fine.

If OP was able to conceive (presumably naturally) at 7st6 then I can't see how that is anything other than a healthy weight for her, as low body fat is well known to effect fertility.

As for different portion sizes, of course OPs are going to be significantly smaller, it is fairly obvious that a 5"2 women does not need 6 sausages. Infact all but the tallest/ most active males don't NEED 6 sausages at one meal, that is why there is an obesity crisis!

Were they asking about today or Sunday in your op? Your op is talking about "not eating today yet".

But your op says you hadn't eaten? Is this two different occasions we are talking about?

Although if I was going for Sunday lunch to someone's house I wouldn't have, youknow, had lunch before I went!

Helen it doesn't sound like the OP's ILs are acting out of concern, or if they are they are very misguided. Tutting and head shaking doesn't look like concern to me.

If they are really concerned, then they could read up on how to approach someone if they might have an ED.

I've lost some weight (for all manner of reasons) and my MIL asking me in front of my sons in a very loud voice how much I weighed did not sound like concern to me - just rude and intrusive and as such she is the LAST person I would feel comfortable sharing my own issues with.

Were you invited for Sunday lunch?