That I don't need in laws checking up on me

[GreasyHairDoNotCare]

I just need to have an in law vent.

AIBU to thing that as an adult I don't need my in laws tutting and shaking their heads when I told them I haven't eaten today yet because I'm not hungry. I am 5months postpartum (not breastfeeding) so it's not like I am exactly wasting away, I still have baby weight to lose! I think I can competently decide if my body wants food and if it doesn't, I really don't need them checking up on if I've eaten and then getting angry at the answer of no.

She is at the very low end of healthy bum and saying she needs to lose baby weight.

how is it coming up in conversation and have they always been like that?

They just ask, but then don't ask my partner the same. Not even my own parents check up on me like this. Sometimes it's like they are trying to be my parents, they can be very overbearing.

“They just ask, but then don't ask my partner the same. Not even my own parents check up on me like this. Sometimes it's like they are trying to be my parents, they can be very overbearing.”

If you were my partner, daughter or daughter in law I’d be worried too. He’ll-i’ve Never met you and I’m worried about you.

Then I take back everything I said. Sorry. You're not a child. Consider telling them 'recently' without volunteering how recently. :-)

Wow!

Op you are already at the lower end of a healthy weight for your height (only 7lbs away from underweight) and are trying to lose weight.

At 5 months pp your body is still healing and recovering from the birth - it needs energy and nutrients and a REGULAR blood sugar level to do this. (Blackteadrinker no it is not normal or healthy to eat 1/2 times a day - even if your wait is low that pattern will mess up your blood sugars in a way that increases your vulnerability to diabetes and kidney disease).

Op you don't need to eat a huge plate of sausage and chips but you DO need to eat.

In addition at 5 months your baby will be getting weaned soon if you haven't already started. Your child needs you to set a good example of healthy eating habits. That means seeing you and his father eat healthy sensible portions at regular intervals.

I am concerned you may if not already be in the grip of an ed on the verge of it. Please speak to your dr, health visitor, whoever you're most comfortable with.

But no this is not normal or healthy and I suspect your reaction to their reaction is because deep down you know this. take care of yourself.

Are they overweight and trying to get you to become like them?

Funny isn”t it? Because they are in laws it is impossible that they are worried about the OP...........which seems far more likely than it being a dastardly plot to make her fat!

Even if OP did have an eating disorder (which I see no evidence for in her posts) constant unsolicited badgering and controlling behaviour from her inlaws isn't going to help!

You need to push back a bit OP, if your dh isn't going to do it for you. Tell them to back off.

Yea I'm not sure they are necessarily overweight, even if they are it doesn't negate their (in my opinion) valid concerns.

Even someone overweight not eating for most of the day is not healthy or sensible especially in the few months after giving birth.

Are you drinking plenty op? My other concern is if you're home alone with wee one and not eating and body still recovering, you could faint. It's exhausting looking after babies you need your energy.

They just ask

So just laugh lightly and say 'Oh, that's not at all interesting. And it's my business' and breezily change the subject. Repeat as needed.

Blackberry I have to say I'm wondering what your experience of ed is.

My sister was/is bulimic and as a nurse while it wasn't my area of expertise ed does tend to make people vulnerable to other illnesses and conditions and I saw them in that context.

Hmm. Do you have a history of eating disorders? If not, is there anyone in your OH's family who has (or has had) an eating disorder?

It sounds quite likely that the possibility of you having some kind of ED is what is worrying them - unless they are constantly picky, critical and interfering about everything you do.

Don't answer change the topic - or be vague.

I had opposite with first two when bf and healthy weight. It seemed I wasn't allowed to eat anything even when pg or bf.

Now I do need to lose weight, especially with family history – it’s all have this really caloric food and why haven't you eaten breakfast yet. This chimes with my parents who are feeders - DH still can't belive their portion sizes.

I don't think it’s actually anything to do with me exactly- they were dieting during first two pg and worried about middle aged spread now there seem accepting of their weight and dislike people round them losing weight it’s now deemed a waste of time and unhealthy however it’s done.

Blackberry I wasn't doubting you had experience - the opposite - but if anything that means you have a diagnosis that you say you are still battling now. I am sorry you are but surely you understand that could well mean you don't have an understanding of healthy attitudes to food and eating?

In your first post you made no mention of this but defended op's unhealthy actions and advised her to lie. You gave the impression that you knew about healthy eating/weight yet you have an active ed yourself.

You can empathise and support but I would argue you're not currently best placed to advise.

What weight are you aiming for?

I think arguing about who knows the most about eating disorders, or what someone's weight/BMI mean, is missing the point. The in-laws are being nosy, pushy and rude.

@GreasyHairDoNotCare

YANBU. Some people (especially a generation or two older,) seem to NEED to tell us their opinions and views, whether we ask for them or not.

I used to get comments on what I eat, (from relatives,) but what pisses me off to fuckery is well meaning women (always women!) over 60, telling me I MUST be cold and I NEED to wrap up better.

One woman (the mother of a woman I know,) barked at me in Tesco the other week 'OOOOH, for goodness sake, cover your chest! You will catch your death of cold!' (I had a V neck top on, and a thick cardigan, and a coat with a hood on it. So I was wrapped perfectly well. And it was about 9 degrees C.)

The woman I know looked embarrassed and mouthed 'sorry!' ... to me. I did just laugh it off, but I have lost count of the amount of women who have said 'OH MY GOD, you must be FREEEEEZING! You need to wrap up more.'

FFS, I am nearly 50, and I don't need to be told that I not dressed correctly.

I used to get it from my mother - comments about me needing to put more clothes on, and she always came out with the passive aggressive comments aimed at my kids too..

'Awwww poor little girl, hasn't your mommy put a coat on you? You look sooooo cold, you must be freezing with only a t-shirt, cardy, and leggings on!' (I was only taking them from the car to the front door; about 20 feet!) SO ANNOYING!

Just ignore them OP. What you do and don't do, is none of their business!