To stop my DD going to this girl's house?

[PolicebirdPolly]

Bit of background - my DD and this girl have been friends for a couple of years. The girl's mother and I became very very good friends and met socially etc, many play dates at each other's houses.

Things changed 4 months ago when this girl turned on my DD. We are talking spitting, hitting, verbal abuse and isolation. I tried to approach the subject with my friend but she was having none of it and even though the school intervened and spoke to my friend about her DD's behaviour she still wouldn't believe it and subsequently we fell out. Very badly.

Since our falling out, I have been approached by some of the other school mums to say that my ex friend has been heard saying some quite unsavoury things about my DD. I didn't take much notice until I heard her with my own ears at a birthday party (she didn't realise I was stood behind her). She's also said some pretty awful things about me on social media.

Despite all this - the girl's have remained friends even though I've tried to encourage my DD to play with other children as something happens every week with this girl.

Here's my AIBU - literally every week I get asked by my DD if she can go to this girl's house for tea or can she go horseriding with her at the weekend etc. I don't feel comfortable letting my DD go to this girl's house with everything that the mum has said about her. My DD doesn't understand why I won't let her because of course I haven't told her that this woman has slagged her off! My DD is 4 if that's makes a difference.

WWYD? AIBU?

Nope, at 4 she certainly wouldn't be going there if she was mine. I wouldn't trust these people to look after her and not upset her, so she wouldn't be going.

At 4 she can make other friends - I'd keep plugging that if I were you, arrange playdates with other children etc.

How sad, slagging off a 4 year old. She sounds pathetic. No YANBU, I wouldn't leave my 4 year old child if I had one in the company of this person either.

Has your DD actually been invited?

It's a bit of a non-issue if she hasn't. You don't like them. They don't like you. End of story really.

Just tell your DD that it's rude to invite yourself to other people's houses, and move on.

Horse riding when she is 4 at someone’s house who actively hates your daughter and you’re on MN asking if you should let her go?

Come on now.

Thankyou for your replies. Another school mum said I should put my differences aside for the sake of my DD but I get the feeling that if she went over for tea my ex friend would constantly be picking on her

Saucy harsh much? This girl has invited her. So pipe down unless you know the facts

“harsh much”

vent I'm not asking if I should let her go. I'm asking for reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable for not letting her go.

No way would I be letting my child go, I wouldn't trust the woman to look after her. Although, are you sure she's invited? It seems odd that this woman would slag a 4 year old off and then invite her over?

Can you ask the friend to come to your house instead? Obviously only if you want to.

Oh and I meant does the mother know she's been invited by her DD and is she okay with it?!

She's 4. If the girl disappeared tomorrow your DD would have forgotten her completely in about 6 months. They're hardly life long friends. Tell her no she can't go over and move on with it.

The Mum probably doesn’t know her dd is inviting your dd for tea.

Ignore the snarky posts. They're an occupational hazard. This is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask for advice about.

You fell out over 4 year olds?

Peppa when the girls come out of the gate this girl is always shouting my DD's name (infront of her mum) saying "ask your mum if it can come for tea" which is then so bloody awkward because I just say no and I get my DD asking why etc. My ex friend doesn't say anything, whether she's waiting to see what I say I'm not sure.

Steeley we fell out because her DD was spitting and hitting my DD amongst other things, I approached her to try and sort it out and she flew off the handle saying it was bollocks. The school intervened after my DD got hurt and still the mother said my DD was a drama queen and had a go at me in the school car park over it. So yes we fell out over that, why would I want to stay friends with someone like that?

A grown woman has slagged off your four year old and you haven't throat punched her yet?

You're a better woman than I.

If the kid is at the gate shouting then my honest reply would be "she's not coming to yours, ask your mother why"?

(And also please don't let your four year old go and ride horses without you being stood next to her with the lead rein in hand.)

Advice?

What device could could possibly be given?

“The answer is no.” And that’s it’s it.

No way, she's far too young to be put into that kind of a situation. I really hate when parents have the "my child can do no wrong" attitude, any child can become a bully, not addressing it is very bad imo, I'd be just as horrified to find out my child was bullying someone as I would if my child was being bullies

zzzz she was telling people that my DD is dirty, had nits, had social issues. What I heard her say at the party was that my DD was a "retard". So make your own mind up abit whether that constitutes as "slagging off"

All this drama over 4years olds, they only started school in September. Kids at that age will fall out all the time. It’s up to the school to deal with it without parents fighting over squabbles which long been forgotten by the kids.

Meh. My opinion still stands.

Tell your DD that she needs to wait until she's invited by X's mum.

That doesn't look like it's going to happen, so just forget about it.